Pregnancy Off Topic #2 Changing lives one Rapid Cool at a time

[Elle Woods]

Spoiler: Me-rail/rant

ugh why are the breastfeeding nurses at the hospital so bloody pushy! They constantly keep going on at me because I’m not managing to get 8-10 pumps in a day. Where do they think I’ve got time for that when my baby is in NICU, I have a house to run and I’m stressed to duck I’ve got a huge stash of breast milk in the hospital freezer, plus some at home, I’m pumping as much as I can but sometimes I’m just so exhausted I can’t do it. Pumping is hard work, it’s time consuming too. We are combi feeding baby woods anyway which was always my intention. Plus knowing his tummy can tolerate formula helps ease my stress so I know if I ever do struggle getting milk at least he can have formula. They have nagged me relentlessly this week. It’s getting me so down how much they’re going on at me when I’m only trying my best, my MH is bad as it is without them piling more on to me and making me feel a tit mum one even said to me today when I tried telling her how stressed they’re all making me and that it makes me feel like just stopping the pumping altogether and going exclusively formula that “preemie babies do better on breast milk so you need to try harder to get those 8 pumps in a day. No one else can do this for your baby”. They have no sympathy for my situation and don’t attempt to listen to my wishes for my baby, they just shove it down your throat constantly how good breast milk is for the baby. He has a stash of 3 weeks worth of milk in the freezer ffs and I’m still taking milk up daily for them what more do they want from me they’re making me feel like I’m failing my little boy

 

[watermelon sugar]

Spoiler: Me-rail/rant

ugh why are the breastfeeding nurses at the hospital so bloody pushy! They constantly keep going on at me because I’m not managing to get 8-10 pumps in a day. Where do they think I’ve got time for that when my baby is in NICU, I have a house to run and I’m stressed to duck I’ve got a huge stash of breast milk in the hospital freezer, plus some at home, I’m pumping as much as I can but sometimes I’m just so exhausted I can’t do it. Pumping is hard work, it’s time consuming too. We are combi feeding baby woods anyway which was always my intention. Plus knowing his tummy can tolerate formula helps ease my stress so I know if I ever do struggle getting milk at least he can have formula. They have nagged me relentlessly this week. It’s getting me so down how much they’re going on at me when I’m only trying my best, my MH is bad as it is without them piling more on to me and making me feel a tit mum one even said to me today when I tried telling her how stressed they’re all making me and that it makes me feel like just stopping the pumping altogether and going exclusively formula that “preemie babies do better on breast milk so you need to try harder to get those 8 pumps in a day. No one else can do this for your baby”. They have no sympathy for my situation and don’t attempt to listen to my wishes for my baby, they just shove it down your throat constantly how good breast milk is for the baby. He has a stash of 3 weeks worth of milk in the freezer ffs and I’m still taking milk up daily for them what more do they want from me they’re making me feel like I’m failing my little boy

You’re absolutely NOT failing your little boy! You’re the most incredible, strong Mother that little boy could have! He is so lucky to have you! Breast milk is probably the best yeah, but being fed is even more important than what is scientifically best. If you can’t handle the stress of all those pumps, then don’t put yourself through the stress of it. Your mental health and being as strong mentally for your little boy whilst he’s in the NICU is what is most important, you won’t be the best version of yourself for your baby and for yourself if you’re stressed. So if you feel like you need to give more formula then do so. It’s non of the midwives business. If you stick up for yourself and fully stand your ground and say ‘look, it is my choice and you need to lay off me with these pumps. I have enough stress going on without you having a go at me’ They wont carry on. How cruel of them to go on at you when you have enough going on

I’m sorry, I’ve always just formula fed so don’t really know much about breastfeeding/combi feeding to give advice on that

 

[raspberryjuice]

Spoiler: Me-rail/rant

ugh why are the breastfeeding nurses at the hospital so bloody pushy! They constantly keep going on at me because I’m not managing to get 8-10 pumps in a day. Where do they think I’ve got time for that when my baby is in NICU, I have a house to run and I’m stressed to duck I’ve got a huge stash of breast milk in the hospital freezer, plus some at home, I’m pumping as much as I can but sometimes I’m just so exhausted I can’t do it. Pumping is hard work, it’s time consuming too. We are combi feeding baby woods anyway which was always my intention. Plus knowing his tummy can tolerate formula helps ease my stress so I know if I ever do struggle getting milk at least he can have formula. They have nagged me relentlessly this week. It’s getting me so down how much they’re going on at me when I’m only trying my best, my MH is bad as it is without them piling more on to me and making me feel a tit mum one even said to me today when I tried telling her how stressed they’re all making me and that it makes me feel like just stopping the pumping altogether and going exclusively formula that “preemie babies do better on breast milk so you need to try harder to get those 8 pumps in a day. No one else can do this for your baby”. They have no sympathy for my situation and don’t attempt to listen to my wishes for my baby, they just shove it down your throat constantly how good breast milk is for the baby. He has a stash of 3 weeks worth of milk in the freezer ffs and I’m still taking milk up daily for them what more do they want from me they’re making me feel like I’m failing my little boy

I’m sorry they’ve been so horrible and you are absolutely not failing your boy. He’s so lucky to have a mummy who’s trying so hard to get milk for him. Surely it’s the volume you’re getting rather than the amount of times you pump that’s important, and if you’ve got enough for 3 weeks ahead that’s way more than most BFing mums would have at this stage?
If they’re stressing you out that won’t help your supply either so their interference is counterproductive.

You’re doing great Mama, don’t let them get you down.

 

[odetotheseaweed]

I’m so cross they treated you like that @Elle Woods! Breast milk might be better but actually having a healthy mum, physically and mentally, is way more important than how he is fed.

You’re going through a lot and will (hopefully) have another massive change soon when he comes home. You need to be your strongest self for all of that, and if that means that you don’t pump 100 times a day then that’s just life. Where in the country are you? I’ll come and give them a piece of my mind

 

[Jellycat369]

I'm so very sorry you've been made to feel like that @Elle Woods, that's absolutely despicable of them. You're a fantastic mum, tell them to f'off.

 

[odetotheseaweed]

@Elle Woods even if it’s just a few notes a day, keep track of all of this and when super baby is home you can make a complaint

 

[Brewtime87]

@Elle Woods that is so disgusting of them, I'm so angry for you. You are so incredibly strong and an absolute super mumma, so don't let anyone else make you think otherwise. Keep notes when you can and get a complaint put in, these are the people who should be supporting you, not adding to your stress x

 

[Elle Woods]

Thank you so much guys! You’ve all made me feel like my feelings are valid, I was worried I was just being a bit over sensitive and taking things to heart too much but they really are piling on the pressure. I understand breast milk is good for premature babies but he’s had almost 6 weeks of it now, so surely he’s had the benefit at the most important time! My boyfriend says he’s going to have a word with them when he goes up tomorrow. I'll definitely note all this down and bring it up once this is all over - hopefully then they’ll take it on board and won’t make any other mums feel this way in future!
I love this thread I hope you’re all okay xxn

 

[odetotheseaweed]

Thank you so much guys! You’ve all made me feel like my feelings are valid, I was worried I was just being a bit over sensitive and taking things to heart too much but they really are piling on the pressure. I understand breast milk is good for premature babies but he’s had almost 6 weeks of it now, so surely he’s had the benefit at the most important time! My boyfriend says he’s going to have a word with them when he goes up tomorrow. I'll definitely note all this down and bring it up once this is all over - hopefully then they’ll take it on board and won’t make any other mums feel this way in future!
I love this thread I hope you’re all okay xxn

We love you Elle, you’re doing amazing xx

 

[Greencatfysh]

Thank you so much guys! You’ve all made me feel like my feelings are valid, I was worried I was just being a bit over sensitive and taking things to heart too much but they really are piling on the pressure. I understand breast milk is good for premature babies but he’s had almost 6 weeks of it now, so surely he’s had the benefit at the most important time! My boyfriend says he’s going to have a word with them when he goes up tomorrow. I'll definitely note all this down and bring it up once this is all over - hopefully then they’ll take it on board and won’t make any other mums feel this way in future!
I love this thread I hope you’re all okay xxn

Remember he’s your baby and it’s your choice, I know it’s easy to say but at the end of the day formula exists for a reason and many babies thrive on it. What do the thousands of premature babies around the world do who sadly don’t have their mums or are in other complicated situations? I know there are complications for preemies but I’ve seen a few midwives posting online that women are “brainwashed” by the NHS to basically do what they are told, ask “am I allowed to do XYZ” and are bullied. It’s no one’s fault, it’s the way the NHS works and unfortunately they can take advantage of first time mums who have far less knowledge of what’s normal or best for the baby. Could you maybe research some evidence based stuff or even anecdotes from other premie mums to help you feel more in the right? Either way, the way they’ve treated you is defo terrible and hopefully there are routes to report it!
---
I know it’s different with midwives/nurses/NICU but I liked this lady’s perspective:

 

[raspberryjuice]

Thank you so much guys! You’ve all made me feel like my feelings are valid, I was worried I was just being a bit over sensitive and taking things to heart too much but they really are piling on the pressure. I understand breast milk is good for premature babies but he’s had almost 6 weeks of it now, so surely he’s had the benefit at the most important time! My boyfriend says he’s going to have a word with them when he goes up tomorrow. I'll definitely note all this down and bring it up once this is all over - hopefully then they’ll take it on board and won’t make any other mums feel this way in future!
I love this thread I hope you’re all okay xxn

After I replied I messaged my friend who’s also a NICU mum to ask about her BFing schedule. She’s doing morning and night at home, and then a few times during the day at the hospital. Nowhere near 8-10 times day. Her baby is very sick and was moved to a different hospital 2 weeks ago and she said neither hospital have put any pressure on her with the number of times she pumps in the 10 weeks she’s been there. They’ve given her a pump and told her whatever she can get is brilliant but not told her she needs to do a certain amount of times a day or anything like that. Her baby is off feeds again and is having TPN at the moment but was having breast milk until 2 weeks ago.
She also said if Super Baby Woods is in the same NICU as her baby and you fancy a coffee and a chat to let her know. But I don’t think you’re in the SW are you so won’t be in the same one. If you are I can narrow down where they are for you if you do want another NICU mum to chat to x

 

[Elle Woods]

Remember he’s your baby and it’s your choice, I know it’s easy to say but at the end of the day formula exists for a reason and many babies thrive on it. What do the thousands of premature babies around the world do who sadly don’t have their mums or are in other complicated situations? I know there are complications for preemies but I’ve seen a few midwives posting online that women are “brainwashed” by the NHS to basically do what they are told, ask “am I allowed to do XYZ” and are bullied. It’s no one’s fault, it’s the way the NHS works and unfortunately they can take advantage of first time mums who have far less knowledge of what’s normal or best for the baby. Could you maybe research some evidence based stuff or even anecdotes from other premie mums to help you feel more in the right? Either way, the way they’ve treated you is defo terrible and hopefully there are routes to report it!
---
I know it’s different with midwives/nurses/NICU but I liked this lady’s perspective:

Thank you
I found that lady on TikTok when I was pregnant and loved watching her videos, she seems like an amazing midwife!

After I replied I messaged my friend who’s also a NICU mum to ask about her BFing schedule. She’s doing morning and night at home, and then a few times during the day at the hospital. Nowhere near 8-10 times day. Her baby is very sick and was moved to a different hospital 2 weeks ago and she said neither hospital have put any pressure on her with the number of times she pumps in the 10 weeks she’s been there. They’ve given her a pump and told her whatever she can get is brilliant but not told her she needs to do a certain amount of times a day or anything like that. Her baby is off feeds again and is having TPN at the moment but was having breast milk until 2 weeks ago.
She also said if Super Baby Woods is in the same NICU as her baby and you fancy a coffee and a chat to let her know. But I don’t think you’re in the SW are you so won’t be in the same one. If you are I can narrow down where they are for you if you do want another NICU mum to chat to x

Bless you that’s really kind, thank you. Unfortunately I’m in the east but I appreciate the thought I hope your friends little one starts to improve soon, and I hope she is coping okay too xx

 

[Jellycat369]

My inlaws are visiting in a few weeks time and the OH has suggested we go out for an evening, assuming the inlaws don't mind babysitting. This leaves me with two problems:

1) Bedtime. They managed to put the threenager to bed while I was in hospital having wee man so I'm not worried about that. The problem is you need to be a full blown ninja to get wee man to go to sleep in his cot. Normally we get both boys ready for bed and then I feed wee man and get him off to sleep then go full stealth mode to put him down in his cot before going back downstairs for a couple of hours to eat my dinner and chill. When we go to bed he has a dream feed and a super quick nappy change before he's put back in his cot. I don't think the inlaws will be able to manage. Also he's only been fed by me and my OH so I don't even know if he'd take a bottle from then and 99% of the time only I can get him to sleep so don't know if he'd mind them cuddling him!

2) I have nothing to wear! It's fine slobbing about in my maternity stuff at home or running around at softplay but I have no clothes that fit. I don't even have a bra that really fits I also don't know what size I am any more. Where does nice stuff online that isn't expensive? Other than maternity clothes I haven't bought any new clothes in about 10 years so I am clueless

First World problems I know but it's stressing me out and I know you won't judge me.

 

[littlepup]

Arseholes Elle, they can just be such arseholes. They used almost the same phrase with me about breast feeding, that tells me it’s absolutely not a reflection on you. You know, we know, they know you are doing your absolute best please don’t let their tactlessness make you feel any less.

When you get a good one their support is invaluable but bad ones make you feel like tit.
I’ve posted before (below) when they made me feel crap about feeding, maybe I took then so badly because I was vulnerable, maybe they had to make their point but either way, they should know women are vulnerable and make allowances, be more tactful. You’re a NICU mum, you should be treated like fine crystal that could shatter any time no matter how strong they think you are. It should go without saying. Even if you were over sensitive, you’re allowed to be and they should expect that. There’s no excuses for not choosing their words more carefully.

Spoiler: Me-rail/rant

It’s getting me so down how much they’re going on at me when I’m only trying my best, my MH is bad as it is without them piling more on to me and making me feel a tit mum one even said to me today when I tried telling her how stressed they’re all making me and that it makes me feel like just stopping the pumping altogether and going exclusively formula that “preemie babies do better on breast milk so you need to try harder to get those 8 pumps in a day. No one else can do this for your baby”. They have no sympathy for my situation and don’t attempt to listen to my wishes for my baby,

Spoiler: Same pressure phrasing. It’s not you, it’s them

…..

 

[George01]

Big news gals, I did not cry today and think I am a tit mum.
Let's hope it continues cos yesterday was rough for my eyeballs.

Also Elle, you're doing amazing and I hate that they've made you feel bad about it, it sounds like you've produced so much milk already and you can't push yourself too much when you're just trying hardest, you're proper fab

 

[littlepup]

Took baby in the bath today. Had them resting on my legs feet toward my tummy when they erupted directly into me.
Drain water and start again, oldest gets in with me. They found a random squirty toy we’d not seen for ages which of course had rank old water in and they squirted that into the bath too.
Bloody kids!
Had my scar plaster on but there’s a gap one end, just waiting for the infection now

 

[raspberryjuice]

My inlaws are visiting in a few weeks time and the OH has suggested we go out for an evening, assuming the inlaws don't mind babysitting. This leaves me with two problems:

1) Bedtime. They managed to put the threenager to bed while I was in hospital having wee man so I'm not worried about that. The problem is you need to be a full blown ninja to get wee man to go to sleep in his cot. Normally we get both boys ready for bed and then I feed wee man and get him off to sleep then go full stealth mode to put him down in his cot before going back downstairs for a couple of hours to eat my dinner and chill. When we go to bed he has a dream feed and a super quick nappy change before he's put back in his cot. I don't think the inlaws will be able to manage. Also he's only been fed by me and my OH so I don't even know if he'd take a bottle from then and 99% of the time only I can get him to sleep so don't know if he'd mind them cuddling him!

2) I have nothing to wear! It's fine slobbing about in my maternity stuff at home or running around at softplay but I have no clothes that fit. I don't even have a bra that really fits I also don't know what size I am any more. Where does nice stuff online that isn't expensive? Other than maternity clothes I haven't bought any new clothes in about 10 years so I am clueless

First World problems I know but it's stressing me out and I know you won't judge me.

1 - How long are they visiting for? Is it more than 1 night? I’m assuming it is if your OH wants to go out for the evening. Could you let them give a few feeds before the night out so baby gets used to it? With the threenager could they practice bedtime the night before? But if not and it doesn’t go smoothly it won’t be the end of the world. He might be completely different for them than he is for you anyway cus kids are like that
2 - could you order a few things from next and just return what’s no good? You can get all difference sizes and styles then and their return process is so easy you just scan the barcode on a machine in store.

Hope you have a great night out!
---

Took baby in the bath today. Had them resting on my legs feet toward my tummy when they erupted directly into me.
Drain water and start again, oldest gets in with me. They found a random squirty toy we’d not seen for ages which of course had rank old water in and they squirted that into the bath too.
Bloody kids!
Had my scar plaster on but there’s a gap one end, just waiting for the infection now

Hope you don’t get an infection! you’re brave bathing with baby already! I’m so scared of dropping him getting out
---

Big news gals, I did not cry today and think I am a tit mum.
Let's hope it continues cos yesterday was rough for my eyeballs.

You are not a tit mum, you’re an amazing mum! how’s baby doing?

 

[littlepup]

Hope you don’t get an infection! you’re brave bathing with baby already! I’m so scared of dropping him getting out

Oh God no, OH had to hand them to me and take them back again. Surprised it wasn’t me shitting myself tbh!
Ours and LO’s bedrooms are downstairs, no need to go upstairs usually. I said to OH “I’m scared to carry them up the stairs” He says “Well I’ll carry them then”.
“Yeah I’m scared for you to carry them up the stairs too”.

@Jellycat369 It’s the Next sale at the min too, lots of bargains.

But if you don’t feel ready or the stress is more than the enjoyment, how about a cinema date or casual Nando’s, even a drive thru after putting the kids to bed? Open late and no worrying about what to wear. Clearly not the same as an evening out but still an opportunity for child free, 1 on 1 time. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing.

 

[raspberryjuice]

Oh God no, OH had to hand them to me and take them back again. Surprised it wasn’t me shitting myself tbh!
Ours and LO’s bedrooms are downstairs, no need to go upstairs usually. I said to OH “I’m scared to carry them up the stairs” He says “Well I’ll carry them then”.
“Yeah I’m scared for you to carry them up the stairs too”.

relate so hard to this! Most of our living space is upstairs so we’re not up and down all day so when we do go down I walk down them like I’ve never used stairs before because I’m so scared of dropping him. But obviously Mr R can’t do it because he’ll definitely just drop him or fall down with him even though I’m the clumsiest person ever.

But I also don’t let him put him in the car seat because I’m convinced he’ll do it wrong and he’ll either go flying out when the car brakes or he’ll do it so tight he’ll break his arms/shoulders/pelvis. Not allowed to get him out either incase he bangs his head on the car definitely can’t push the pram because he’ll 100% let it go and it will roll in to traffic or he will crash in to something and give baby concussion

The pram is probably justified though because we were shopping yesterday and I asked him to stand with the pram for a minute while I went back for something and when I came back he’d parked the pram next to a fridge in the centre aisle and he was half way up the aisle looking at juices Baby was in the pram

 

[Laughalong]

Night out was good! Whilst someone looks at me front on or I’m sat down, I still don’t look pregnant because I was wearing black. That’s then been the cue for a guy to come over and give it “What are you doing in Manchester?” with my blunt reply being “Having a baby”. They then proceed to look down, eyes widen and apologise it’s the funniest thing. I’m tempted to use that excuse forever. Saying you have a boyfriend does nothing anymore.