Narcissistic and toxic parents #3

[Chandler Bing]

Happy belated birthday lovely x

Thank you sweetheart xx

 

[itsmelilly]

Since having my daughter five years ago I have become increasingly angry (internally, possibly not very healthy) with my Mom, we’ve always had a rocky but ultimately close relationship, definitely with many ups and downs, however I can’t shake this feeling of anger towards her for the way she acted in (some of) my childhood, my parents had a terrible marriage and both had affairs, she would take me to her lovers house at around 7 and expect me to keep it a secret (which I did), she constantly badmouthed my Dad (he was not a saint) and continues to do this to this day, even though they have been divorced for over 20 years, although middle class, respectful outwardly she would take me on shoplifting sprees with her friend and think it was hilarious, (so did I at the time but looking back it just makes me feel sad) she is very jealous and also has a dysfunctional relationship with alcohol, I could go on but I just wanted to share and ask if anyone else was triggered when they became a parent themselves? My Mom is also very possessive of my daughter and constantly wants updates, information and affection from her. I love my mom but it is so hard.

 

[not_influenced]

Since having my daughter five years ago I have become increasingly angry (internally, possibly not very healthy) with my Mom, we’ve always had a rocky but ultimately close relationship, definitely with many ups and downs, however I can’t shake this feeling of anger towards her for the way she acted in (some of) my childhood, my parents had a terrible marriage and both had affairs, she would take me to her lovers house at around 7 and expect me to keep it a secret (which I did), she constantly badmouthed my Dad (he was not a saint) and continues to do this to this day, even though they have been divorced for over 20 years, although middle class, respectful outwardly she would take me on shoplifting sprees with her friend and think it was hilarious, (so did I at the time but looking back it just makes me feel sad) she is very jealous and also has a dysfunctional relationship with alcohol, I could go on but I just wanted to share and ask if anyone else was triggered when they became a parent themselves? My Mom is also very possessive of my daughter and constantly wants updates, information and affection from her. I love my mom but it is so hard.

Totally relate to this. Not to the specifics but underlying tone and message I got from it. When I became a parent it was Ike a light switch, the undeniable love, adoration, care & protection you feel towards your child. I could not imagine doing it saying to my child what was done for me. Overnight my inner Mama Bear came out and I did not want children to be exposed to that behaviour. I attempted no contact last year (after an emergency hospital visit and little to no care or empathy shown to me) and it was going exceptionally well until a family tragedy and 2 funerals later where I've had to have them back in my life. I'm gradually weaning them again.i don't give the updates and keep the conversation very light and generic because if my news is positive she shares it and takes credit for it or if the news is negative it's woe is me!