Narcissistic and toxic parents #3

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Bettyboo2475 said:
My brother called me last night, and subjected me to an hour long conversation about why I'd gone no contact with my parents. Covering all old ground we've covered countless times before. In so much detail that after I felt almost empty. Im so confused as to whether he was genuninely interested in what I was telling him or if he was punishing me by making me recount it all. I know I'm rambling so apologies. I think from my experiences with my parents I am mentally damaged, so I find it hard to deal with these kind of intense conversations. He asked me if I was bipolar, and I said no but I have got PTSD from parental neglect. He had the opposite experience to me, he's the golden child whereas I'm the scapegoat. The phone call left me broken, and suicidal. What is the point of me. I think the less I am in peoples lives the better. He revalidated everything my parents made me feel.
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I don’t have a magic answer but I wanted to say that there definitely is “a point to you”. You are worth every thing. It sounds to me as if your brother has been totally brainwashed by your parents. His experience of them is totally different to yours.
Try to look after yourself today.
 
Bettyboo2475 said:
My brother called me last night, and subjected me to an hour long conversation about why I'd gone no contact with my parents. Covering all old ground we've covered countless times before. In so much detail that after I felt almost empty. Im so confused as to whether he was genuninely interested in what I was telling him or if he was punishing me by making me recount it all. I know I'm rambling so apologies. I think from my experiences with my parents I am mentally damaged, so I find it hard to deal with these kind of intense conversations. He asked me if I was bipolar, and I said no but I have got PTSD from parental neglect. He had the opposite experience to me, he's the golden child whereas I'm the scapegoat. The phone call left me broken, and suicidal. What is the point of me. I think the less I am in peoples lives the better. He revalidated everything my parents made me feel.
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Block his number.

You matter, you are valuable, no matter what these horrible people say. ❤
 
Thank you both, yes I think he is the worst narcissist of them all, all the classic lines. My dad has just died, and he said I should of been written out of his will, I can't help but recall everything he said but I no I will forget in time, thanks to my menopausal brain fog. Thank god.

His number is archived in my whatsapp message and never pops up, i will definitely be cutting contact with him once my dads estate has been sorted.
 
Bettyboo2475 said:
Thank you both, yes I think he is the worst narcissist of them all, all the classic lines. My dad has just died, and he said I should of been written out of his will, I can't help but recall everything he said but I no I will forget in time, thanks to my menopausal brain fog. Thank god.

His number is archived in my whatsapp message and never pops up, i will definitely be cutting contact with him once my dads estate has been sorted.
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Stay strong. We're here for you.
 
Bettyboo2475 said:
Thank you both, yes I think he is the worst narcissist of them all, all the classic lines. My dad has just died, and he said I should of been written out of his will, I can't help but recall everything he said but I no I will forget in time, thanks to my menopausal brain fog. Thank god.

His number is archived in my whatsapp message and never pops up, i will definitely be cutting contact with him once my dads estate has been sorted.
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Just block his number. Don't worry about your dad's estate.
 
This time of year is confusing when you’re no contact isn’t it?! Don’t get me wrong being no contact is what I need to protect my mental and emotional well-being but I can’t help but feel sad that my kids don’t have grandparents (on my side) that shower them with love and affection.
One day they will ask questions about why they don’t see them and why they don’t send cards or presents and that’s going to be a difficult conversation.
I was having my nails done today and my nail lady innocently asked if I’d be seeing my family before we travel to see my in-laws for Christmas. A simple question has stirred up feelings and a sadness inside of me today that I just can’t shake off. Posting here because I’m sure others feel or have felt the same. Sending well wishes to anyone else struggling ❤️
 
I agree. This time of year is hard if you are no contact with a parent or family member. I know social media isn't real life but it is hard to see families having nice celebrations when I will just spend it alone 😅. Planning my special breakfasts and films to watch though.

I got a text from my mum earlier. I haven't seen or spoken to her in ages and the only reason she has my number is when she got it from a relative who has dementia.

She knows I don't want to hear from her so the message was for her benefit only, not mine. It wasn't horrible really. Just said "I hope you have a nice Christmas." But then she was going on about how long it was since we have seen each other.

I just ignored it but seeing her name pop up on my screen has ruined my Monday as it just resurfaces old feelings of how she treated me when I was younger. She never acknowledged the abuse, it's just "can't you move past it, it was a long time ago." Or "your father was not nice to you either." Or "what would you do if you found out I'd died?" So it's pointless. When I was a lot younger I'd give her the time of day and she'd use me to fulfil her own needs if that makes sense. She didn't see me as a person in my own right, only an extension of her who should be at her every beck and call.
 
My son (aged 13 months) has just received a Christmas card from my in-laws who my husband cut contact with earlier this year. He’s trying to be unbothered but I know it’s hurting him. I told him it’s been done deliberately as a guilt trip, who did they think would open the card?
Thinking of you all struggling with difficult relationships at this time of year 🤍
 
I’ve been no contact with my mum, brother for a few years.

I can’t say I had a terrible upbringing but there was trauma & recent bad behaviour & I am so happy not being in touch honestly. I’ve never explained why because ultimately, they know their behaviour is unacceptable & I don’t quite have the words or energy. All they would do would be to argue & make things about them.

I hope this doesn’t sound awful but I blocked my nieces/nephew because they have contact with my family & would only contact me for info & not to thank me for presents I sent etc.

My mum emailed me this year around my birthday & I ignored it. Yesterday she text me, I’ve ignored it. It said something along the lines of ‘I’m still your mother & I’m worried about you’. Honestly it just filled me with dread & I’m now worried they’ll try to contact me. I don’t want to reply. I don’t want contact at all.
 
yogiessexdubs said:
I’ve been no contact with my mum, brother for a few years.

I can’t say I had a terrible upbringing but there was trauma & recent bad behaviour & I am so happy not being in touch honestly. I’ve never explained why because ultimately, they know their behaviour is unacceptable & I don’t quite have the words or energy. All they would do would be to argue & make things about them.

I hope this doesn’t sound awful but I blocked my nieces/nephew because they have contact with my family & would only contact me for info & not to thank me for presents I sent etc.

My mum emailed me this year around my birthday & I ignored it. Yesterday she text me, I’ve ignored it. It said something along the lines of ‘I’m still your mother & I’m worried about you’. Honestly it just filled me with dread & I’m now worried they’ll try to contact me. I don’t want to reply. I don’t want contact at all.
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I feel for you and everyone on this thread, that dread feeling is awful, block her and get on with your life,they really aren't worth it x
 
This group is the only place I find I can speak freely and not be judged and also everyone just "gets it".

Over the years people have said things like "oh you'll regret it when you're older, you've only one mum and dad". They don't understand what we go through,the comments, the being let down constantly, the failed promises, neglect & not being there for us.

Sending love to all XxX
 
not_influenced said:
This group is the only place I find I can speak freely and not be judged and also everyone just "gets it".

Over the years people have said things like "oh you'll regret it when you're older, you've only one mum and dad". They don't understand what we go through,the comments, the being let down constantly, the failed promises, neglect & not being there for us.

Sending love to all XxX
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Completely. Or they say "well they are your mum / dad etc." As if having family ties excuses them of their behaviour.

It's always the ones who haven't gone through it who say those sorts of things I find.
 
not_influenced said:
This group is the only place I find I can speak freely and not be judged and also everyone just "gets it".

Over the years people have said things like "oh you'll regret it when you're older, you've only one mum and dad". They don't understand what we go through,the comments, the being let down constantly, the failed promises, neglect & not being there for us.

Sending love to all XxX
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So agree, my 'dad' died 2 years ago, I felt nothing and still don't, my 'mum' is still alive but she has golden child and his kids, makes me wonder why the duck did i felt like I had to feel liked, when they can just wash their hands of me.
 
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