Mother in law experiences #4

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I am very lucky to have a normal, mentally well-balanced MIL 😅
My OWN mother on the other hand, is a nightmare MIL to my sibling's wife and I genuinely feel sorry for them both. She is the most manipulative, ill-tempered and unreasonable person I've ever known. She's the type to exclaim how much she "hates drama" but creates 99% of the drama in our family.
 
Not mother in law but sister in law (partner’s brother’s gf) any advice on how to handle her? She’s in an imaginary competition with me to be the best daughter in law and she loves attention and hates when I get it!
 
Just got back from taking my MIL to Iceland for her food shop. I generally do it for her but every now and again she likes to go to Iceland to stock up on ready meals. We were in there for 1hr 10 mins (it's only small) I lost the will to live🤣

When we got home I put the shopping away and when I opened the fridge there was an awful stench which turned out to be a lettuce. Now I bought her a new lettuce yesterday as apparently the one she had had gone "a bit brown". I thought this was odd because I couldn't remember the last time I'd bought her a lettuce and she doesn't go out on her own to buy one without me being aware. OH can't remember buying one either. Looking back through my messages the last time she asked for a lettuce was mid October.... Sure enough, the use by code on it was October🫣 it was rancid but she'd kept it and not opened the new one yet! We had a similar story a few weeks ago with some coleslaw. And she wonders why she gets the shits after eating salad?! We've tried to explain how dangerous this can be but it goes in one ear and out the other!
 
My late MiL was just the same. She'd hang onto stuff even if it was crawling out of the fridge under its own steam because she was so bloody stingey she wouldn't throw anything away, also she'd make a point of showing "friends" how hard-up she was in having to eat manky foodstuffs so that they'd feel pity on her then bring her other things for free and then she did not have to spend any of Her Money on food!

At one stage she was asking them for their leftovers. One day I was round there bringing a week's worth of meals consisting of what we'd had and I froze an extra portion for her - I found the fridge rammed full of tupperware boxes that were far too modern to be hers, contained within were all sorts of leftovers people had donated to her because she was desititute apparently! (Nothing could be further from the truth - she was just so bloody mean she was legendary!) We also found out she was entering people's gardens on her way back from shopping to scrump fruit from their trees, because as she said, "They're not eating it so I will!" Yeah an 80 year old trespassing to steal apples and plums! She also did this at the local cemetary where she helped herself to potted plants she fancied as well.
 
I moved in with my partner and my MIL has a key to his house. Yesterday we were out doing some shopping and MIL texts my partner saying she’s been round to the house to drop some cards / presents off. He told me and I was like, couldn’t it wait and we pick them up on our way back home?! I just find it so intrusive!
 
under the ivy said:
I moved in with my partner and my MIL has a key to his house. Yesterday we were out doing some shopping and MIL texts my partner saying she’s been round to the house to drop some cards / presents off. He told me and I was like, couldn’t it wait and we pick them up on our way back home?! I just find it so intrusive!
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My MIL had a key to our first house - ostensibly for emergencies only. When we went on holiday she let herself in without asking “to clean” and did our washing (I get some people may appreciate that but I’m extremely private and HATED it), my FIL let slip she was most disappointed I had infact left the house spotless!!!!! She also opened mail (addressed to both of us) to tell us if there was “anything urgent” - we were away for a week 🙃
Anyway when we got home partner could see by my face I was not at all happy and I assume he had words as she’s not done it again and she no longer has keys to our home.
She’s still pretty intrusive and over involved with his life but I let it go as long as my personal space and boundaries aren’t invaded.
What was your partners thoughts?
 
Millyhex said:
Not mother in law but sister in law (partner’s brother’s gf) any advice on how to handle her? She’s in an imaginary competition with me to be the best daughter in law and she loves attention and hates when I get it!
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I had this problem when I was with my ex. I was 18, his brother’s girlfriend was 24. She absolutely hated me and was incredibly jealous that she was no longer the only girlfriend in the family. She was sly and would do little things to exclude me or put me down, but they went unnoticed and I never felt brave enough to mention anything. I don’t have any advice, but I understand how annoying it is.
 
Keera said:
My MIL had a key to our first house - ostensibly for emergencies only. When we went on holiday she let herself in without asking “to clean” and did our washing (I get some people may appreciate that but I’m extremely private and HATED it), my FIL let slip she was most disappointed I had infact left the house spotless!!!!! She also opened mail (addressed to both of us) to tell us if there was “anything urgent” - we were away for a week 🙃
Anyway when we got home partner could see by my face I was not at all happy and I assume he had words as she’s not done it again and she no longer has keys to our home.
She’s still pretty intrusive and over involved with his life but I let it go as long as my personal space and boundaries aren’t invaded.
What was your partners thoughts?
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He thinks it’s OK and I’m being unreasonable about it. We’ve got an indoor cat so I always worry when the door opens incase she gets out, so the fact that she had been in made me worried about my cat. I don’t mind her having a key for when we’re on holiday etc, but not to drop 2 Christmas cards off that could’ve waited 🙃
 
under the ivy said:
He thinks it’s OK and I’m being unreasonable about it. We’ve got an indoor cat so I always worry when the door opens incase she gets out, so the fact that she had been in made me worried about my cat. I don’t mind her having a key for when we’re on holiday etc, but not to drop 2 Christmas cards off that could’ve waited 🙃
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My partners an only child and certainly I try and calm myself down with the thought that she is/was (at that time) struggling with not having him to run around after in her own home and just wanted to continue the mum role.
That’s why I’ve slowly come to the compromise (in my own head) that if she wants to buy his socks still and discuss his personal finances etc with him then I’ve just left it alone for my own sanity.
I’ve made it clear that anything to do with me, my health, our relationship, our joint finances and home are out of bounds to be discussed in depth without my consent - as far as I know he’s kept to that (as she would never be able to NOT give her opinion to me if she knew about something).
id maybe advise broaching it with partner how that makes you feel as I think you mentioned it’s his house you moved into, and maybe MIL needs reminded it’s now YOUR home too, and of course if you do have a genuine concern about your cat before it becomes a habit and more of a glaring issue!
I’m about to have a baby now and the tension is huge even with my boundaries in place 😂
 
ot55 said:
I had this problem when I was with my ex. I was 18, his brother’s girlfriend was 24. She absolutely hated me and was incredibly jealous that she was no longer the only girlfriend in the family. She was sly and would do little things to exclude me or put me down, but they went unnoticed and I never felt brave enough to mention anything. I don’t have any advice, but I understand how annoying it is.
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That’s what it's like! Very underhand, the sneaky sort of stuff that others don’t pick up on. I’m going to try to not let it bother me as it’s causing some friction between me and my boyfriend
 
The MIL is currently going through a divorce, it’s been ongoing for a year now, but everyday she’s on the phone to MrBabes for well over an hour, there’s days I’ll go to work and he’ll be on the phone to her, I’ll get home and he’ll be on the phone to her. Every single tiny thing she has to phone about. It’s at the point where we’ll make plans and he’s like “oh I’ll need to phone my mum when we get back” and I feel like the worlds biggest hole for getting annoyed about it, but it’s starting to get too much
 
My ex was always on the phone to his Mummy - when we found I was pregnant, you can guess who the first person he told was.
Her reaction?
She burst into tears and said "You never asked MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!" Presumably we ought to have asked her first??

This was not one of my MiL's but I know of one who is still running her little sunbeam's Life even though he's in his fifties, lives hundreds of miles from her & has three grown up kids by different women - she is still doing all his banking, paying his household bills for him and gives him an allowance from his salary! How embarrassing 🤪
 
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