Apologies for going off topic, but it’s the 20th of January and that means
The Second Annual Great Australian Oceanfront Holiday of Dreams begins!
Ten blissful days of sun, surf and sand awaits you.
Everyone on this thread, fur babies included, is more than welcome to participate in this year’s extravaganza, and the best part is you don’t even have to book a flight - our gorgeous
@Oops... has volunteered to collect passengers from the UK, Ireland and Europe in her much unloved Tardis, while I will be travelling to everyone else across the globe in my newly renovated pre-loved Tardis, so in the blink of an eye you will be transported to the pristine foreshore directly in front of our beach house.
For the sake of our sanity, there a few house rules:
- No tool dresses
- No black watch tartan
- No headbands
- No polyester
- No ‘waist belts’ or cinching
- No sweaty leather boots
- No Aerin or Penhaligons perfume
- No heavy makeup
- No 80’s beauty pageant hair
- No Hermès bags
- No Whispoering Angel
Oops is an extremely early riser, so she will be in charge of making the breakfast mimosas and warming the bakery fresh Cros Onts every morning, but be warned - her champagne to orange juice ratio heavily favours the champagne.
@Namima and I will be taking a stroll along the white sandy beach each day at sunrise, quietly breathing in the salty air, and anyone who wishes to join us is happily invited to do so.
A few things will be different this year …
@Milking Keynes will not be hiking through the Australian bush in her teeny tiny pink bikini,
@Geranium will not be stuffed into a tucker bag strapped to Milking Keynes’ back for endless hours (how they managed that last year, I will never know), and
@Wophie will not have to make her way over the perilous oceans in a tin dingy she borrowed from her aunt in Tasmania.
As those of you who are familiar with our holiday shenanigans know only too well, Man Cave Night is the main event … although the date is yet to be decided, you will need to secure your celebrity crush/crushes for this night of carefree frivolity post haste, otherwise you risk losing him to
@Margo Polo a certain Canadian seductress who has a penchant for batting her eyelashes and stealing the man of your dreams without hesitation.
Fortunately for me, Viggo Mortensen and Keanu Reeves have already touched down and are staying somewhere close by, but they will both be keeping a very low profile until the big night.
The finest Australian white cotton nighties will once again be the comfortable yet elegant attire of choice when the sun sets, but if you prefer pyjamas like
@Hunevoque2, please let me know.
I have taken the liberty of purchasing a small refrigerator for
@Al Fresco to store her clean knickers in, so if you like your underwear icy cold I’m sure she won’t mind sharing.
The entire works of Agatha Christie are in exactly the same place as they were last year, which means
@Geranium can spend lazy afternoons reading.
Our resident Interior Designer,
@Julia123, will probably rearrange the furniture and some of the photos and momentos we’ve collected over the past 36 years, but I truly won’t mind at all because she has such an excellent eye for detail.
Our fun loving
@becky bloomwood does have a tendency to get a little wild on our annual holiday (last year she brought enough nipple tassels and feather headdresses for all 22 of us) so be prepared for absolutely anything, Tattlers.
Speaking of wild, last year our trusty Captain,
@Miscanthus, spent an entire night stuck up a tree while we organised a surprise birthday party for her and gift wrapped Eddie Cibrian - after the festivities concluded she disappeared for several hours and we almost had to call the Coastguard to launch a search party for her, fortunately Eddie returned her to us safely just before lunchtime the following day!
Whilst I’m on the topic of our beloved Captain, it’s her birthday on Sunday and I think it would be lovely if we all pitched in to make sure her day is as wonderful and memorable as possible.
Hopefully
@Hunevoque2 and
@Marie-Claude will continue to provide us with French lessons, given Elsie continues to annoy us with her ridiculous exclamations of “mon dieu” and “monsier”.
Sleeping arrangements will be on a first come, first served basis … mattresses will be set up in all three bedrooms, as well as the living room, and there is also plenty of space on the wraparound verandah (with mosquito netting provided) if you fancy being lulled to sleep by a gentle breeze and the sound of crashing waves.
I can assure you that it’s perfectly safe, as we are located in a tiny, secluded coastal town with very few tourists passing through -
@georgiecait,
@becky bloomwood and
@Missmarpleknows can attest to this, they all loved the experience of sleeping outdoors last summer.
@Catlady1234 will no doubt arrive wearing her most expensive jewellery as per … she honestly cannot help herself, she feels completely naked without all those diamonds.
Unfortunately
@blue_orchid,
@AmaliaLana,
@CarrotSunshine,
@FarNiente,
@Katiesmith and
@shoesnwhatever seem to be missing in action, so I doubt they will be able to make the trip this year, which is rather sad, so we will be raising a toast in their honour tonight.
If you did not attend this event last year, you can register by simply reacting to this post so as not to derail the entire thread.
Oops and I have synced the onboard computers in our amazing time travelling machines and lift off will be in approximately two hours time, so please ensure your suitcases are packed and you are ready for the journey - if for any reason you are running late, please don’t panic, a Tardis will immediately be dispatched to fetch you.
And, finally, according to the Bureau of Meteorology’s seven day forecast, we have some magnificently warm and sunny weather ahead of us.
View attachment 1896994 q
The Veuve Clicquot is chilled to perfection and I look forward to seeing all of you very soon! ☀
🏖
AND collect sea shells on the sea shore. She sells them you know…I’m sure the shells she sells are sea shell shells…Also, she may well give us lessons and we might all improve. I mean, I’d love to learn how to sun-burst samba f’rinstance.
🛩
Nona has taste.
