ReginaPhalangee
VIP Member
Congratulations to @TriviaNewtonJohn for the thread title! 78 reactionswhat a record! You have multiple, multiple dishonourable doctorates in thread titles!
Afraid my dear heart @Silver Linings missed out with her suggestion of: ‘All for the want of a pair of traaazers’. Bit too late to gain any traction (this time)
Recap of thread #72
Please do add any other recap points i have missed. I’m not one of the lucky few who are able to see her Twitter / Instagram. Therefore, have not been able to compile my three lever arch files of material. Might take them back to the work supplies shop (Wilkos to the layperson).
- We’re still stuck in Toon Town. Apparently, it’s to ‘stay safe’, because ‘unscrupulous people [are] stealing photos of [her] son to plaster on their hateful discussion groups’ in order to ‘violate for their disgusting ends’. I have nothing funny to say about this. Seeing as lots of us are parents ourselves and any screenshots of her photos that include her son (that she incidentally shared over platforms of 278,000 people) have his face covered by the posters here - that’s frankly a revolting accusation. If you’re talking about this hateful discussion group, in particular, of course.
- New YouTube videos: one featuring Cooper with the flappy fish toy and one that’s a virtual tour of her living room slash fancy ‘secret’ photography studio. Both in cartoon. I just ... can’t watch them.
- Doggos no longer do it for her, she now wants cattos. duck, no.
- Apparently she accidentally posted a nude and then deleted it. Tattle and the world:
- She managed to use the Grenfell tragedy to help illustrate her wish for all incriminating photos of her teen clubbing years to disappear (like the Tower’s ‘engineering details’). Never fear though, she’ll disappear them into her memoir. Prospective title: The World According to Jack: I Have Decades of Experience of Everything.
- She posted a picture of her kombucha batch. It looks like it will have some nice hints of brown, accompanied by an array of teasing top notes of brown, followed by base notes of a lovely earthy ... brown.
- @traumatised sideboard bestowed on us the final instalment of their set of scathing essays about Jack’s DKL appearances here . As hilarious as they were, you will be receiving my doctor’s bill, TS. I thought I had put all my ‘lasagne and the wrong sauce’-related trauma behind me, but your reviews brought it all back.
- Konnie Huq wants to have Jack as dinner guest. Oh, Konnie. How much you need to learn.
For new joiners to the thread, here is @Passive_Aggressive_Lemon ‘s ‘Jack for Dummies’ post (edited to include updated info):
Thought it might be useful for new followers to have a post at the start of each thread with some info.
Limegoss article about Jack versus Jamie Oliver : https://limegoss.com/jack-monroe-jamie-oliver/
Thread #31 is the infamous one in which Jack turns up to talk to us directly. She makes her appearance on p. 17.
For anyone wanting to relive the glory days of her two-week stint on Daily Kitchen Live (DKL), have a grunk a through threads 2-9.
*** JACKISMS ***
Jack’s most oft-used reply to questions on recipe substitutions:
Yes, absolutely x
Some other favourite Jack quotes:
‘Babe, same’
‘I did a chaos’
‘My maverick brain’
‘My sad little face’
‘I’m BUSY’
‘I HOOTED / I am FIZZING’
‘I laughed up a lung’
One of Jack’s followers once referred to Tattlers as sad hausfraus and Jack herself has likened us to a cabal. Therefore we have become the Cabal of Hausfraus. She also recently referred to us as ‘gossip mavens’ (so, we are gossip trusted experts). ** Recent additions to her terms of endearment for Tattle: conspiracy wankers, obsessive groups of completely unhinged bullies, and bullying ninnies **
To ‘GrunkaLunka’ your way through a thread means to catch up on posts. Named after a member who rather epically caught up on many threads in a short period of time (and is also a fearless pioneer of the space-time continuum. She really was here both Now and Then).
Jack once threatened to use her Liam Neeson skills to TRIANGULATE our whereabouts in order to intimidate us, so that’s what we mean by that. * She may also threaten to take us to court - do not be afraid, this is not the first time and it won’t be the last. *
Jack once sideboard modelled a Vivienne Westwood dress, seeming to infer that it’s what Viv would have wanted (as if she were dead), and then got snippy when corrected otherwise. There may be some ‘RIP Viv’ jokes (she is, of course, NOT dead)
We sometimes joke about being on Vladimir Putin’s bitcoin payroll list for being evil trolls.
During her stint on Daily Kitchen Live, Jack produced a godawful looking lasagne, with a thin white sauce that never thickened up, just disappeared. It was widely likened to ‘horse spunk’ - there may be some horse ‘spirit’ lasagne jokes.
Her last-uttered line to Matt Tebutt on DKL was: ‘Thank you so Matt much, Matt’, which made us all HOOT.
Jack ended a tweet that listed her (not unimpressive) four-and-a-half GCSE results (A*, A, B, B, C) with: ‘Now duck off’. We sometimes like to use this in our own posts for comedic effect. We are NOT telling other fraus to duck off, simply paying homage to Jack’s own genteel humour.
*Back in the mists of time, one funny frau used a Jimmy Nail ‘She’s Lying’ picture to illustrate their thoughts on one of Jack’s latest tales. @Alpha Beta thought it was Novak Djokovic, the cabal hooted and Novak Nail was born. You may see reference to Jimmy Nail, Novak Djokovic, or the combination of both: Novak Nail. All demonstrate that she’s lying.*
Also:
- She grew up in a 5-bed (mortgaged/owned) house
- She got a £4.5k Omega watch for her 21st birthday
- Her dad's a bleeping LANDLORD (an oldy, but a goody)
- Jack and Louisa are no longer in a relationship - in Jack’s words: ‘She [Louisa] left’.
- Her record for staying off Twitter since the start of these threads is 114 hours and 47 minutes.
- She is 90% vegan. The other 10% likes to nom nom on Five Guys burger and discounted chicken slices.
- During her appearance on DKL, she was asked why some mince has a higher fat content. ‘It just does.’
- The information held on her by Companies House has her year of birth WRONG. She was born in 1988, not 1978.
Here is a link to Jack’s Tattle Wiki page, which also includes clips of Matt Tebutt muttering ‘Terrible!’ on Daily Kitchen Live, courtesy of @Yel) and @Bookweevil ‘s hilarious Glossary of Jack.
We are terrible for going off on tangents and using too many gifs, so there is another thread where we don’t discuss JM but instead talk about biscuits and stuff. For good light relief when JM is doing too much chaos, come to the Food & Drink threads in Off Topic.
Perfection with the recap as usual. *chef’s kiss*
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