Jack Monroe #73 If your attitude is off-kilter, try a cartoon filter

[Dogmuck]

The conspiracy wanker in me believes she knows she’ll get lots of hate mail and a steaming tit in with her fan mail. She needs this hard evidence to prove her lies about all these nasty folk (us) who are trying to derail her successful career as a (insert if you know cos ) as she’s deleted all her tweets so can’t show all the nasties to her fans (not that there were any). Plus now she’s in her echo chamber no bad tit can get though. She’s desperate for the bad stuff so she can go SEE THIS IS THEM, because she can’t send them here for fear of them being recruited by Vlad and enlightened.

 

[Tabitha D]

So she was the 19th most important Gay person in 2014.
That's like putting down I was Netball Captain in 4th year on my CV and I'm 50 now.
Natalia, you need to update your Client's page my love xx

She’s clearly not a high priority client at UA, otherwise the details would have been updated at some point in the last 4 years.

Also, I rather think Jack is expecting to be inundated with letters singing her praises. But I wouldn’t be so sure, especially given the very low engagement on her SM posts (and liking a tweet is a lot less hassle than writing and posting a letter).

 

[FlowerOfTheEast]

Maybe I should send Jack a wee thankyou note, after all, I *do* make the banana bread from A Girl Called Jack all the time. But seeing as stamps cost money and she's a raging narcissist, I don't think I will burden poor Natalia with a banana bread appreciation letter. Even though I'd write a really good one, perhaps even in verse form.

 

[Nottonightbabe]

Mate, just when you think she couldn't make you cringe any more...

She gets a CONSTANT stream of praise and adoring messages through her social media channels, she can access them any time, and can sadfish for fresh ones at any point she desires. Why is that not enough? Weird.

Proper show up so she is.

 

[FrumpyCat]

I

"Tiny blonde alarm clock" - she's so full of tit. He's almost taller than you Jack, and will SHOCK, probably manage to squeak past the giddy height of 5'1.7".

Think she is desperately trying to get the balance right and failing miserably. Hence the swithering between smelly teenaged boy and cute little toddler postings.

 

[ReginaPhalangee]

Ok this made me HOOT.

The bowl of pasta emerges from the crappy bungalow in a trench coat and sunglasses.

'We must put you in protective custody my pasta son, or else this hateful group will somehow do something disgusting that will.....hurt....violate.....ah duck it just get your pasta shells in the car'

“That disgusting vile group of bullies, they’ve taken my photos of you and reposted them with...added Parmesan The levels some people will stoop to are beyond sick”

 

[Veronicaaa]

Has she actually included an address / PO box number on the begging for praise tweets?

 

[Bwidge]

Is she really asking people to send her fan letters? That is seriously bloody deranged.

I think she's hoping for some genuine hatemail.

 

[FlowerOfTheEast]

Has she actually included an address / PO box number on the begging for praise tweets?

Yup, she included the address of her literary agency with an assistant's contact name.

ETA I've just seen that she then tagged said assistant in a tweet basically saying sorry for all the mail you're going to get now (#sorrynotsorry)!

 

[FrumpyCat]

If she wanted a folder of nice comments, she could print out screenshots or emails.
If she wanted gifts sent to her, she would set up a PO box.
Stay classy Jack.

What's she done now? My employers seem to expect me to work during working hours, so I am falling behind

Yes. And the one before that too.

Well if it ain't broke...

Maybe I should send Jack a wee thankyou note, after all, I *do* make the banana bread from A Girl Called Jack all the time. But seeing as stamps cost money and she's a raging narcissist, I don't think I will burden poor Natalia with a banana bread appreciation letter. Even though I'd write a really good one, perhaps even in verse form.

If that's the vegan bread recipe, it is a very minor variation of a recipe that has been on the BBC website for over a decade.

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

She's just stepped out of her front door to find a for sale sign hammered into her lawn...


ETA: Update: They put it at the wrong house.

 

[Pantomimehorse]

She's just stepped out of her front door to find a for sale sign hammered into her lawn...

dramatic fundraiser to help her buy it incoming?

 

[FlowerOfTheEast]

If that's the vegan bread recipe, it is a very minor variation of a recipe that has been on the BBC website for over a decade.

It is that recipe, although I usually add chocolate chips so it's only vegan-ish!
I will check out the BBC one, thank you.

 

[BananaSmith]

aslope?

I am imagining you as the policeman from Allo Allo.

 

[Sallers]

Correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m sure she would have been informed of this, before she stumbled upon the sign?

 

[Ellabella]

It's clickbait bullshit, the sign was put up outside the wrong house.

 

[kachoochoo]

it's ok everyone, the man put it at the wrong house!! what a chaos!

 

[Captainmouse]

I think the most interesting thing about this post (other than the victim blaming re. the kickstarter debacle - it's obvious reading the many, many complaints from people who didn't receive the book that they had been desperately trying to get into contact with her and yet she tries to say that it was the other way around - LIES) is the whole heroin bullet point. First of all, I don't think anyone had accused her of taking it and also it's clear that she was desperately trawling the pages trying to find anything remotely actionable.

who was it who posted a picture of a Henry with white powder? In reference to DW? oh that would be you mackie not us

[

 

[FrumpyCat]

dramatic fundraiser to help her buy it incoming?

I'm not sure how that would happen. Wouldn't the estate agent come round to measure up? If the crappy bungalow isn't being sold as a property with a tenant insitu wouldn't Jack have received notice?

And now I have to go back to work, just as things are going really funny.

 

[colouredlines]

She really is just like your most annoying Facebook friend but with a larger platform:

* oversharing about her kid
* unwanted thot shots
* way too much detail about the minutiae of her daily life
* unremarkable (I'm #BeingKind) food pics
* demanding praise - the blue tick equivalent of those "leave a comment telling me one great memory you have of me" posts

She desperately needs to learn that self-esteem does not come from social media.