Jack Monroe #599 Asda value chickens coming home to roost

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witchofwestbyfleet

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Thread title by Lumpyspaceprincess who wins some chicken of a slightly higher welfare standard than Asda’s value range.

Recap: the snow is falling so fiercely we can hardly keep up. Someone has put more than a few 50ps in the head and she’s still going so let’s try and sum it up as guest would:

“I’m a disabled single parent! Of a TEEN! I’ve got a cat! I’ve got a dog! I’ve got tropical fish! We watch TV! I’ve got a job! But I can’t afford a house! Bread and circuses! I’m VINDICATED! I hate the Tories! I’m painstakingly transcribing council meetings! I’m non-binary! I was trans but I stopped for health reasons! I like anchovies! I grew up in mess rooms! I’m military round the edges! I read books! I eat a lot! I’m on meds! I’m a smol pixie! I have opinions! I have bylines! I have snacks! Feel sorry for me!”

Bluesky isn’t taking the bait. There remains no sign of the bylines, the VBI, or any accounting for Patreon funds.

Wiki up on the pink button!
 
As nommed by @Lazarus, just popping in the sweary one that had more likes, for um…display purposes.
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Honorary Thread Title (like a DoctorDoctorate, but loads better)

Jack Monroe? THE Jack Monroe? Attempting a soft relaunch on BlueSky you say? Gosh! How’s that going?
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Right lads, place your bets. (And help her as she grunks!) What delights can we expect to see /read and pref not hear, in the run-up to EelDay and thread 600?

I'd just like to point out that when she does her chaotic last minute shop on 24th, it will be a..... TUESDAY.
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Mismatched Pegs said:
From way back in the mists of time (last thread)
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She has four & a half GCSEs, what does she imagine she's over qualified for?
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Being a spoilt, egotistical brat?
 
Didn’t she say she’d ‘ping one over’ when that squig asked for a photo? I took that to me she’d send it privately (can you do that on BS*?) so us inbestigators don’t immediately see it’s not her house!

*whenever I read ‘BS’ I think “how apt”. 💩
 
Extremely low engagement on her posts for the following she has. Her replies are almost always toxic, so probably should not surprised. Elevenerife, complete it mate and other toxic replies typically shut conversations down. There is nowhere to go with them and you can't add more. She isn't there to learn anything. She's just there to chat tit and feel good trying to make her narc fantasies written into existence.
 
Have we ever seen (or costed) the "taxidermy seagull"* that she claims sits atop her fishtank?

*A taxidermy seagull and the destruction thereof is a plot point in Doing Time by Jodi Taylor, first book in the Time Police series. It's owned by a rich woman who pretends to be poor, treats everyone like dirt including the child in the house, expects the world to bend to her will, and bemoans the passing of a bygone age. I can't see any parallels there :unsure:
 
I’d like to submit an official 🥴 complaint please. Who do I send it to? It’s about the fact I clearly should have been awarded this £5 book token thread title. There’s clearly an agenda against me because of my protected characteristics.

swear words? hole is a swear word? It couldn’t have been toned down to a-hole??

anyway, I’m raising funds to take legal action. Do not donate if you can’t afford to, but do know that I will be fully transparent for as far as I see reasonable. whatever I publish about what you donated will be rounded down to the nearest £1,000 and whatever is left, once I’ve spoken to my Jewish lawyer who may or may not be BUSY this weekend, will be going to a cause that is very close to my heart. Please do not attempt to question me on this. Any dissenters will be yeeted and skeeted as far away as is humanely possible.

I will not be asking my lawyer to assess the prospects of this case for I know better than he.
 
IcanSpellBéchamel said:
Have we ever seen (or costed) the "taxidermy seagull"* that she claims sits atop her fishtank?

*A taxidermy seagull and the destruction thereof is a plot point in Doing Time by Jodi Taylor, first book in the Time Police series. It's owned by a rich woman who pretends to be poor, treats everyone like dirt including the child in the house, expects the world to bend to her will, and bemoans the passing of a bygone age. I can't see any parallels there :unsure:
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I went looking for it last night, and couldn't find any previous mithering. There was a taxidermied badger that she wanted to buy in Dordrecht (but didn't), and then there's this monstrosity which is neither taxidermy nor seagull-ish:

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(ss from Marmalade Atkins on thread 526)

But seagulls are pretty huge - surely we'd have noticed it if it existed?
 
IcanSpellBéchamel said:
Have we ever seen (or costed) the "taxidermy seagull"* that she claims sits atop her fishtank?

*A taxidermy seagull and the destruction thereof is a plot point in Doing Time by Jodi Taylor, first book in the Time Police series. It's owned by a rich woman who pretends to be poor, treats everyone like dirt including the child in the house, expects the world to bend to her will, and bemoans the passing of a bygone age. I can't see any parallels there :unsure:
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Unfortunately (ETA: unless she’s a habitual DEAD seagull botherer, which let’s face it is entirely possible, the hoarding twit), I have a feeling we may have. If it’s the one poor innocent @Dummyfingers thought was bread dough
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what an undignified end to have that insufferable talentless twit draped all over you dressed as Poundshop Blanche Dubois and then to suffer the further indignity of not only being displayed as one of her tit ‘artworks’ but also to have to bear witness to her inept one-fingered piano thumpings AND that absolute bleeping felony of a hairdo
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Valiofthedolls said:
Unfortunately, I believe we may have. If it’s the one poor innocent @Dummyfingers thought was bread dough
View attachment 3318131 qView attachment 3318133 qwhat an undignified end to have that insufferable talentless twit draped all over you dressed as Poundshop Blanche Dubois and then to suffer the further indignity of not only being displayed as one of her tit ‘artworks’ but also to have to bear witness to her inept one-fingered piano thumpings AND that absolute bleeping felony of a hairdo
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That'll teach me to assume that even Jack wouldn't be quite so ridiculous....
 
Terrible said:
Didn’t she say she’d ‘ping one over’ when that squig asked for a photo? I took that to me she’d send it privately (can you do that on BS*?) so us inbestigators don’t immediately see it’s not her house!

*whenever I read ‘BS’ I think “how apt”. 💩
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She did. However you can turn it off and I followed fish squig and tried to send a message and got the following
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