Jack Monroe #566 Set flavours to none

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TrolleyParton said:
AKA The Irish Goodbye. Rather inexplicably IME. If you've ever seen an Irish person actually saying goodbye, it takes about three bleeping hours.
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I'm well known for just bleeping off without saying anything. Sometimes I'll just find a room and go to sleep (if it's a friend's house.)
I learned my lesson after getting stuck with the inevitable 'Jack' of the group telling me boring stories and just-one-more-thinging me to death. I have a very obvious resting witch face but some people are just oblivious to it.
 
Why’s she so fixated on concocting gruesome prune breakfast “recipes” that will apparently slide through you faster than goose tit through a tin horn (as they say in these here parts)?
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TrolleyParton said:
AKA The Irish Goodbye. Rather inexplicably IME. If you've ever seen an Irish person actually saying goodbye, it takes about three bleeping hours.
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Hey, my father resembles that remark. For a fella whose accent is pure London, he does a very good job of being a yarn teller. His family is from Cork though so no Blarney Stone snogging needed 😜

I do the updated Irish goodbye. By just vanishing at some point or finding the pet to hide with. Happily enough, I don't get invited to many parties any more.
 
Fred Siriex on This Morning. He made a soup.
Apparently had 3 ingredients. Oxo cube, sweet corn and leftover roast chicken.
I laughed because it was barely a recipe but it actually looked lovely. He was charming and funny and engaged with the presenters.
God knows why Jack wasn't considered.
 
Valiofthedolls said:
The best bit about that was always the GOODNIGHT! View attachment 2798224 qwhich meant she’d be back within about 90 seconds to needless to say get the last word.

😂 perfect example from @Sideboard Bob
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Jack Monroe #374 It's half past midnight and I'm weighing a single anchovy

Hello Tender ones. We are currently recovering from the Self-Love Loving Jack gave us at the book festival. It was a lot. Well done to @Justacatindisguise for winning the thread title competition. You get to ride with Jack on the way home. Sweet! Jack gave her talk, and she lied again, she...
tattle.life
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Oh remember this delight!!
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CrushedIcePlease said:
Oh yeah she’s not testing anything, she’s just word vomiting on a page with a list of ingredients and vague instructions at the end.
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As any content creator knows, having a good template is the key to consistent content creation - I've taken the liberty of doing one for Guest to help her along the way.

  • Insert 3 paragraphs of self-obsessed moaning about poverty, bad mentals and SEVERE health conditions
  • Chop your onion in a cold pan with oil. Add in a pinch of herbs or spices (any will do - all flavours are interchangeable).
  • Cook on low heat for 5 minutes until still mostly raw (this is called Sowteeing, if you want to be fancy)
  • Open a tin - beans, hoops, steak in gravy, chicken in white wine, Pedigree Chum - any will do, all ingredients are interchangeable.
  • Rinse off any flavourings from the contents of the tin.
  • Add to the pan.
  • Boil vigorously for half an hour. This will ensure that your already cooked tinned goods are properly cooked.
  • Add water to loosen :sick: It will look disturbingly unpleasant at this point but stick with it!
  • Blend to a mucilaginous slop.
  • Plenty of black pepper (but no salt. Never salt. Except the recipes she's obviously copied). Squeeze of Cif Lemon optional.
  • Shovel it all in your face straight from the pan like a greedy goblin - yum yum I ended up eating it all because there was barely enough for one person for lunch, if I'm being honest.
  • Feeds 20 people generously at 6p per portion.
 
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MavisBeacon said:
As any content creator knows, having a good template is the key to consistent content creation - I've taken the liberty of doing one for Guest to help her along the way.

  • Insert 3 paragraphs of self-obsessed moaning about poverty, bad mentals and SEVERE health conditions
  • Chop your onion in a cold pan with oil. Add in a pinch of herbs or spices (any will do - all are interchangeable).
  • Cook on low heat for 5 minutes until still mostly raw (this is called Sowteeing, if you want to be fancy)
  • Open a tin - beans, hoops, steak in gravy, chicken in white wine, Pedigree Chum - any will do, all ingredients interchangeable.
  • Rinse off any flavourings from the contents of the tin.
  • Add to the pan.
  • Boil vigorously for half an hour. This will ensure that your already-cooked tinned goods are properly cooked.
  • Blend to a mucilaginous slop.
  • Plenty of black pepper (but no salt. Never salt. Except the recipes she's obviously copied).
  • Shovel it all in your face like a greedy goblin - yum yum I ended up eating it all because there was barely enough for one person for lunch, if I'm being honest.
  • Feeds 20 people generously at 6p per portion.
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Wot no lemon to brighten?! Otherwise, top slop!
 
MavisBeacon said:
As any content creator knows, having a good template is the key to consistent content creation - I've taken the liberty of doing one for Guest to help her along the way.

  • Insert 3 paragraphs of self-obsessed moaning about poverty, bad mentals and SEVERE health conditions
  • Chop your onion in a cold pan with oil. Add in a pinch of herbs or spices (any will do - all are interchangeable).
  • Cook on low heat for 5 minutes until still mostly raw (this is called Sowteeing, if you want to be fancy)
  • Open a tin - beans, hoops, steak in gravy, chicken in white wine, Pedigree Chum - any will do, all ingredients interchangeable.
  • Rinse off any flavourings from the contents of the tin.
  • Add to the pan.
  • Boil vigorously for half an hour. This will ensure that your already-cooked tinned goods are properly cooked.
  • Blend to a mucilaginous slop.
  • Plenty of black pepper (but no salt. Never salt. Except the recipes she's obviously copied).
  • Shovel it all in your face like a greedy goblin - yum yum I ended up eating it all because there was barely enough for one person for lunch, if I'm being honest.
  • Feeds 20 people generously at 6p per portion.
Click to expand...
I hate to be ”that” person, but usually in her recipes you need to add a bit of water to “loosen” it 🤢 at some point.
Apart from that 10/10 would eat scooped in warm pitta or straight from the pan!
 
nothanksbabes said:
That screenshot is a thing of beauty.

And as ever, threatening to sue someone for saying something mean to you is up there as one of the most Tory, in-working class thing I can think of.
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Lol I'm nosy so I went looking for that & in the process I saw this

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I know it must have been covered here but I missed it. It's Georgia Church Suppers 2 - I Refuse to Learn my Lesson innit
 
The silence is lovely though, isn't it. We no longer have to suffer through endless guff about how BUSY she's been with Very Important Work and it turns out to be that she was sorting her vast collection of tea bags into eleventy million tiny, colour co-ordinated drawers in a big expensive, pointless piece of furniture or something equally as mind numbing
 
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