Jack Monroe #566 Set flavours to none

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Valiofthedolls said:
She’s such a tragic cosseted parochial twit.

Imagine getting so excited to be on a bus that you make up a fantasy story about waving at a bus driver in the bus behind and him waving back when you’re thirty three years old.

And then telling the entire internet about it.

View attachment 2800857 qTruly, some squigs do not deserve squigging even with a giant @SweetTransvestite cockification (ss @Smeghead)
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GENUINELY still can’t tell whether or not that squig was taking the piss. Surely (apart from Jack) nobody is that vacuous IRL?
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Ahhh the riding on a bus and pretending to wave at other drivers day. I sometimes wish I’d been on that bus to appreciate the fun, fully. Good times.
 
MaineCoonMama said:
Nope, that's why it's so pathetic. She's been engaged to three separate women, all of whom came to their senses and ran as fast as they could. 🏃‍♀️ 🏃‍♀️ 🏃‍♀️
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And look at the time frames

#1 - Policewoman, got engaged to Jack within 2 to 7 months of dating. (Engagement in August 2013; got together at some point between January when she was looking for a man online, and June when she wrote her lovebombing "straight pride" article.) Guest moved her then 3-year-old son in with this person immediately but they broke up two months later

#2 - Leggy, moved in less than a week after the first date, "accidentally" engaged within a month, lasted a year and three months

#3 - Louisa, actually showed remarkable restraint here (for guest); they started dating in spring 2017 and announced their engagement in January 2019 IIRC? Lasted about three years, funny how her longest relationship was also the one where she wasn't trying to rush down the aisle immediately

#4 - OH, according to the poster with inside knowledge guest met him in December 2021 on a blind date. Lasted until June 2022 so six months. By the time guest chose to debut him in public (March) she was already pushing to buy a house with him and planning their wedding - we know this because she suddenly followed a bunch of wedding companies on Insta. Also there were some key things he seemingly didn't know about her such as the fact she publicly identified as a lesbian for years before dating him
 
MooBelle said:
The only thing I'm looking at is the date.
HAROLD WAS 2 YEARS AGO?!!!
Only seems like yesterday she was scampering around Dordrecht and letting her 'father in law' hoover her hovel.
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And ‘accidentally’ nuzzling his brother 🙄

I was going to make some joke about her half-heartedly pulling him off while she stirred her slop (not a euphemism) but I think it’s unrealistic that anyone could sustain even half a teacake when looking at her.
 
Awww I’ve missed a few pages of mithering it seems so will catch up now. I’ve been really poorly this week with a particularly bad Tietzes flare and also tummy upset (meds don’t always agree with me) and was debating hospital Sunday night enacting my pain protocol but thankfully managed to stay home - a 12 hour wait for an oxy injection with no other pain relief during the wait is something I can’t mentally handle anymore. Have been in bed rest all week instead - no energy, pain breaking through still… sighhhhhhhh but you’re all very funny and am cheering me up immensely 🧡🧡🧡

Which leads me to…. Jack has not ever at any point been long term disabled or chronically ill, it’s always just been a convenient bandwagon for her. Picking and choosing what ails her on this day, that day, getting all the more dramatic about it when there’s duck all wrong with her. Well except for NPD.

bleep.
 
Geetbo said:
I reckon her face has probably done the full Westbrook by now. She was close in the shattenstone photoshoot and she’s had 6 months of gak since then.
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Don't worry, if Jack's nose deflates or collapses like a dodgy bouncy castle at a kids party - it will just reinflate with its erectile tissue. A self-solving problem! Perhaps you're right about the hiding from paps/public view on the schnoz front though. If her nose was fully at attention for more than a few hours, she'd have to seek medical advice.
 
Valiofthedolls said:
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Jack Monroe #166 Comments are off

ETA - Insta caption. Paragraphs, Jack!!
tattle.life
Same Day: View attachment 2801203 q
View attachment 2801199 qAnd
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Her birthday’s literally across two threads.

The best thing about that day tho? Ol’ claynose flinging ropes of raw chicken juice around the place for Del Monte View attachment 2801215 q
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I thought that thing in the dish was a bleeping £5 BOOK TOKENNNNN 🤣💀☠🤣

I have an eye test end of this month thank duck 👌
 
SouthendRealEstate said:
And ‘accidentally’ nuzzling his brother 🙄

I was going to make some joke about her half-heartedly pulling him off while she stirred her slop (not a euphemism) but I think it’s unrealistic that anyone could sustain even half a teacake when looking at her.
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Ah tenderSouthers, you have forgotten RAF brother’s squadronmates who are eternally exploding with lust over pics of her in their copies of Diva magazine.
 

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Valiofthedolls said:
You just know that after the nightmare narc twit forced her way along on his mother’s birthday weekend mini break family get together “twinned with hers” (complete with Colin birthday cake she brought along for herself),View attachment 2800694 qthere was a horrified group phone call between all the other cars that began the second they turned the corner away from the luxury cottage and out of her and OH’s sight that didn’t finish until they were all parking up outside their homes hours later. View attachment 2800696 qWhat bleeping nutcase calls their brand new partner (of 3 months maximum at the time)’s family “the extended fam” and his mum her “mother in law”?! And that’s before she allegedly inflicted her vile slops (courgette and potato rash?!) on them all weekend and plastered their holiday cottage all over the internet.
View attachment 2800703 qAll ss @Silver Linings who thoughtfully and kindly protected an innocent sheep’s dignity in this mortifying series of events
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Main character nightmare narc bullshit starts here

Jack Monroe #271 David Cameron does far more charity work than Jack Monroe

Squigs' use of the word tsar makes me feel a bit given current world events. Although maybe to be expected from the same people who liked the dead people merch, I guess.
tattle.life
unbelievably, Parliament PoPo and the hat recognizing MPs are later in that very same thread! View attachment 2800720 qView attachment 2800721 qWhat an absolute pile of incessant fantasist steaming bullshit this thieving narc grifter has spouted over the years.
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Good times 🤣
 
Lumpyspaceprincess said:
Yomping! Get tae duck….

I think I would sell my child to know what OH looked like.
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There’s actually a pic that’s probably of him in these threads somewhere that Jack posted on her socials where she’d “accidentally” taken a pic of his reflection in a mirror or window very early on during the OH saga. Maybe when she went round there to patronize the duck out of him in front of her Glastonbury sized audience for making her a sandwich and some crisps on a plate? She also posted pics of the inside of his house to her Glasto sized audience that day.

If it was indeed him in the reflection pic, he’s a baldy like Mr Potato Head the Bodyguard. Mind you, even his own mother wouldn’t recognize Mr Potato Head from the terrible Facetune job Jack did to him, so for all we know, hairless Ol Hazza of guest’s reflection photo could have been as hirsute as Ol Harry from Harry and the Hendersons IRL.
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Jack’s “extended family” (aka his family) and Ol Hazza as pictured on her “MIL’s twinned birthday weekend” break. Out for a yomp and a bimble before going back to the holiday cottage for chicken drummers in sage and onion stuffing crumbs and a thrilling look at a sheep in a field next door. Out Norfolk, the sheep, to Jack, are like the (Tanzanian) star-chickens.

ETA reflection pic is on the first page of Thread 298 at her house. Here’s the thread, scroll down a bit from the first post. There’s two of him reflected, looking all…
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Jack Monroe #298 Perhaps she would get a mortgage if she paid her taxes and didn’t spank money on rusty spoons

I changed one vowel to make it an iota less rude, but excellent thread title by @Griftymcgriftface nominated by @Walkdengirl Sadly The Slop Thickens has already been used way back in #105! If anyone knows how it's quicker to look than just filtering by most liked let me know! Last post...
tattle.life
 
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Valiofthedolls said:
ETA reflection pic is on the first page of Thread 298 at her house. Here’s the thread, scroll down a bit from the first post. There’s two of him reflected, looking all…
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Noooo. That is not Old Harold.

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Carefree said:
Those are some strong Ross Kemp vibes but the expression is hardly one of never-ending love 🤭
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I was thinking that too! Probably just seen or eaten some of her cooking.
 
Patronizing W⚓ especially as Findus’s oven pizza is infinitely better than anything her grubby mitts have ever concocted and bunged on a plate.
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Oh Jack, you’re sooooooo totes adorbs with a big strong man to look after you!!!
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“Oh Hazza, my poor lil’ shoulder is soooooooo ouchy and you’re so big and strong and very rich with your biiiig car!. Won’t you save me from the big bad hill?” Like this in her imagination
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the reality/what Ol Hazza saw
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Valiofthedolls said:
There’s actually a pic that’s probably of him in these threads somewhere that Jack posted on her socials where she’d “accidentally” taken a pic of his reflection in a mirror or window very early on during the OH saga. Maybe when she went round there to patronize the duck out of him in front of her Glastonbury sized audience for making her a sandwich and some crisps on a plate? She also posted pics of the inside of his house to her Glasto sized audience that day.

If it was indeed him in the reflection pic, he’s a baldy like Mr Potato Head the Bodyguard. Mind you, even his own mother wouldn’t recognize Mr Potato Head from the terrible Facetune job Jack did to him, so for all we know, hairless Ol Hazza of guest’s reflection photo could have been as hirsute as Ol Harry from Harry and the Hendersons IRL. View attachment 2802034 qJack’s “extended family” (aka his family) and Ol Hazza as pictured on her “MIL’s twinned birthday weekend” break. Out for a yomp and a bimble before going back to the holiday cottage for chicken drummers in sage and onion stuffing crumbs and a thrilling look at a sheep in a field next door. Out Norfolk, the sheep, to Jack, are like the (Tanzanian) star-chickens.

ETA reflection pic is on the first page of Thread 298 at her house. Here’s the thread, scroll down a bit from the first post. There’s two of him reflected, looking all…View attachment 2802047 q

Jack Monroe #298 Perhaps she would get a mortgage if she paid her taxes and didn’t spank money on rusty spoons

I changed one vowel to make it an iota less rude, but excellent thread title by @Griftymcgriftface nominated by @Walkdengirl Sadly The Slop Thickens has already been used way back in #105! If anyone knows how it's quicker to look than just filtering by most liked let me know! Last post...
tattle.life
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Omg he is very poor man’s Ross Kemp isn’t he! Not the type I would have thought she would go for but I suppose beggars can’t be choosers.
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Valiofthedolls said:
Patronizing W⚓ especially as Findus’s oven pizza is infinitely better than anything her grubby mitts have ever concocted and bunged on a plate.
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Oh Jack, you’re sooooooo totes adorbs with a big strong man to look after you!!! View attachment 2802273 q“Oh Hazza, my poor lil’ shoulder is soooooooo ouchy and you’re so big and strong and very rich with your biiiig car!. Won’t you save me from the big bad hill?” Like this in her imagination View attachment 2802286 qthe reality/what Ol Hazza saw
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There is way more texture on that plate than she is used to. Her gums can’t handle it.
 
StatusWoe said:
Noooo. That is not Old Harold.

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Sokay. As you can see, just like guest when she rolls her sleeves down at Dame Kelly’s party to fool the Daily Mail, he’s long sleeved and incognito in that pic she posted of him.

When he rolls his sleeves up he’s…
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CrushedIcePlease said:
Not the type I would have thought she would go for but I suppose beggars can’t be choosers.
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She doesn’t give a tit what any of her partners look like. Her “type” is older, minted, malleable and marryable.
 
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Guest: I’m well ‘ard me, I’m a plucky little pixie, I can bench press the Queen, smoke a fag, and boot a bleeping door in at the same. I’m a stone dyke and if you don’t like it TOUGH!

Also guest: I am just a smol uwu damsel in distress who needs a big man to protect me and heat up my pizza in times of bad mentals 🥺

She really doesn’t have any consistent sense of self
 
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