Jack Monroe #559 Untitled Jack Monroe Memoir

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UnPickled said:
Can't believe you guys are struggling with the quarterhack so much. It's very simple. Before popping to the shops for a carton of almond milk, you write down absolutely everything in your kitchen, realise too many items like beans and lentils go into protein, carbs and fruit/veg, is flour a sundry or carb, is pea protein powder a sundry or protein etc, then your spice rack and condiments take up half the page anyway and your partner is almost late to work as he's insisting you add everything that's in multiple categories multiple times and you should 'do it right, make the page black'. Finally, give up after 40 minutes of meticulous documenting, write a few bits from memory so it doesn't look like you have no food and forget what you needed to begin with. Simple.

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I never paid much attention to the quarterback, thanks to your explanation, tenderhead, it's just hit me how smooth her brain must be.
Does she take this to the shop with her? Is it a new list every time? It must take so long, who could be arsed?
 
MaineCoonMama said:
I never paid much attention to the quarterback, thanks to your explanation, tenderhead, it's just hit me how smooth her brain must be.
Does she take this to the shop with her? Is it a new list every time? It must take so long, who could be arsed?
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Time works differently in Jackworld

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It gets worse

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People-huv-tae-know said:
Voting is now open. Thank you to everyone in this thread for all your suggestions, it was a huge help and I could not have done it without you. Also a big thank you to the Wiki contributers, that is a work of art.
docs.google.com

The Sloppies Voting 2023

Place your votes for your favourite Chaoi
docs.google.com docs.google.com

Eta I'll leave it open for a week or so or when I can actually be bothered.
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I laughed and laughed at this! Genius tenderPHT.
 
UnPickled said:
Can't believe you guys are struggling with the quarterhack so much. It's very simple. Before popping to the shops for a carton of almond milk, you write down absolutely everything in your kitchen, realise too many items like beans and lentils go into protein, carbs and fruit/veg, is flour a sundry or carb, is pea protein powder a sundry or protein etc, then your spice rack and condiments take up half the page anyway and your partner is almost late to work as he's insisting you add everything that's in multiple categories multiple times and you should 'do it right, make the page black'. Finally, give up after 40 minutes of meticulous documenting, write a few bits from memory so it doesn't look like you have no food and forget what you needed to begin with. Simple.

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You weren't tempted to weigh everything so that you knew how much you actually had? (I'm almost certain she said she'd done this)
 
rage naan said:
Time works differently in Jackworld

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It gets worse

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I get overwhelmed very easily and am someone who could benefit from some kind of 'hack' to make food shopping easier (I avoid going in person wherever I can). I got to Step 3 before my brain automatically went 'NOPE' and kept scrolling because it was TOO MUCH. So much faff and busywork for busywork's sake. She's not making food shopping any easier, she's just creating pointless distractions to put off doing it! Who is this helping!!
 
UnPickled said:
Can't believe you guys are struggling with the quarterhack so much. It's very simple. Before popping to the shops for a carton of almond milk, you write down absolutely everything in your kitchen, realise too many items like beans and lentils go into protein, carbs and fruit/veg, is flour a sundry or carb, is pea protein powder a sundry or protein etc, then your spice rack and condiments take up half the page anyway and your partner is almost late to work as he's insisting you add everything that's in multiple categories multiple times and you should 'do it right, make the page black'. Finally, give up after 40 minutes of meticulous documenting, write a few bits from memory so it doesn't look like you have no food and forget what you needed to begin with. Simple.

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Me? I write down on a shopping list whatever needs restocking and know pretty much where I am with the contents of my kitchen from one day to the next.

Going by guests system, I am obviously doing this all wrong.

Then again, I have a job, family commitments, actual real friends, neighbours who I regularly interact with, and a cat who hasn't LEFT so our time constraints might not be the same.
 
Valiofthedolls said:
She’s just miffed cos she didn’t get her big tree into THE NEWSPAPER View attachment 2666639 q
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But the very month before, Mummy and Daddy got their tree in there. And JACK’S tree is 2.5 times the size of THEIR tree!

View attachment 2666633 qView attachment 2666634 qThey weren’t CONSULTED though and Chocco may be making a FORMAL COMPLAINT.
View attachment 2666642 q❤ @People-huv-tae-know
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The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree does it?

Moving straight to a FORMAL COMPLAINT instead of, ooh I don’t know, actually speaking to the Council first to find out what is going on?

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Nonah said:
Such busywork nonsense. Reinventing the shopping list to make it harder, more daunting and requiring AT LEAST twenty minutes of your time.
Time seems to be the resource Jack understands the least. Probably because she has so much of it to squander.
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I'd rather have a couple of extra packs of pasta in the cupboard (which would get used anyway) than go through all that palaver every time I went to the shop.
 
Grifty Mc said:
Omfg I am dying here! 😂
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Who knew writing a shopping list needed such a complex explanation
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Who could even be bothered? I tend to write things down when I see we nearly at the end of something like washing up liquid, then have a quick look in the fridge etc to see if there's anything else needs adding. I'm not pissing about weighing two carrots to see if I need any more, the fact there's only two left shows me I need more!
 
MaineCoonMama said:
Surely someone who cooks as often as Jack does would have a reasonable idea of what's in the cupboard.
Just pointless busy work to cover up the fact she does sweet FA.
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Yes, it's pointless busywork, but also, it's something that someone in the grip of a snowstorm would think was an incredibly meaningful, important and absorbing thing to do.

But yes as everyone is saying, NO ONE with a job and/or family and/or a life actually would do this. In no way would this be a useful hack for a real life person. Real life people write out a quick list, or have it in their head, run to the supermarket and get the stuff.

As for making columns for different food groups - one does not have to plot out one's family's micronutritional requirements unless one is raising a small group of Simone Bileses. Your children will grow up just as well if you feed them from Iceland and Tesco (source: moldwarps).

In fact this whole food group planning thing is especially egregious from Jack who expected SB to buy his own bollock bangers and, when Big Dave and E came with family bags of Sainsburys shopping to rescue them from the depths of starvation, boasts that she sat 'like a child' and ate 'bowl after bowl' of coco pops, apparently before giving SB any.
 
MediumLoad said:
Me? I write down on a shopping list whatever needs restocking and know pretty much where I am with the contents of my kitchen from one day to the next.

Going by guests system, I am obviously doing this all wrong.

Then again, I have a job, family commitments, actual real friends, neighbours who I regularly interact with, and a cat who hasn't LEFT so our time constraints might not be the same.
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I online shop, so if I need a thing I just add it ASAP. If I'm super busy during cooking I ask Alexa to remind me later. You could also do this without actually doing online orders as I think most let you make a basket without booking a slot. But then you'd have no use for loads of paper diaries and moleskins and ring binders and calculators.
 
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