Jack Monroe #346 *taps the sign* The #VimesBootsIndex doesn’t exist!

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Well that grunk from where I left you all a mere eight hours or so ago was exhausting. Send hammockos, pushup bikinios and orange squashos. I need to tangle limbs fully clothed in a paddling pool to recover, but I need a garden thot shot lie down first.

I know it’s all fiction and SB is not managing her Twitter for pocket money, but what sort of a morally devoid absolutely repugnant human being must you be to even THINK about putting that out there publicly in the first place, let alone actually posting it?

Jack Monroe can duck right off.
 
Jelly Bean said:
She really is an utterly ridiculous parent. She is hopelessly addicted to social media. Now for some deranged reason she wants to involve her young son in it too. Is she really that incapable of envisioning time with him outside of twitter? What about this marvellous summer of memories she had planned?
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But think of the lovely memories they shall make together as SB catalogues the death threats in an A4 lever arch file, "look Mamapapa, this man says he wants to saw off your leg and throw it at Keir Starmer- shall I file it under L for leg or A for amputation?"
 
I’m sorry but WTF?
WT Actual F?
SB on her Twitter? She should not be allowed to parent and god I really hope she isn’t trying for another one. I actually suspect she isn’t because she is as high as Everest right now. She’s absolutely on something, She is totally and utterly unhinged and may I add that if SB and his dad are 30 mins away - it’s time she got off Twitter and took some driving lessons. She is 34 FFS
 
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What the duck have I just read though.
 
She’s 34 E apparently, not FF 🥁
She’s being totally bonkers and Christ knows what’s behind it but it’s wrong. The poor lad won’t be earning money doing that, you daft mare, he’s not old enough. End of discussion.
Apparently all UK pet food comes from “human grade meat” just because we have good laws. The processing it goes through might make it unsafe for humans to eat.
There used to be stories of pensioners surviving on whiskas back in the day and I did see an article doing the rounds a few days back saying someone in poverty had resorted to eating dog food (but at c30p a tin? You can get a loaf and jam for under 60p? People who eat meat are just obsessed by always eating meat all the time IDK🤷🏼‍♀️) anyway it sounded like a big fat lie.
Urgh I bet she does eat cat biscuits and her lingering honk is all the worse for it. Cannae believe about 5 or more people have been in a relationship with her.
🥕
 
HotesTilaire said:
She’s 34 E apparently, not FF 🥁
She’s being totally bonkers and Christ knows what’s behind it but it’s wrong. The poor lad won’t be earning money doing that, you daft mare, he’s not old enough. End of discussion.
Apparently all UK pet food comes from “human grade meat” just because we have good laws. The processing it goes through might make it unsafe for humans to eat.
There used to be stories of pensioners surviving on whiskas back in the day and I did see an article doing the rounds a few days back saying someone in poverty had resorted to eating dog food (but at c30p a tin? You can get a loaf and jam for under 60p? People who eat meat are just obsessed by always eating meat all the time IDK🤷🏼‍♀️) anyway it sounded like a big fat lie.
Urgh I bet she does eat cat biscuits and her lingering honk is all the worse for it. Cannae believe about 5 or more people have been in a relationship with her.
🥕
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I would totally kick in to a fund to set up a support group for Jack's ex partners. She's such a unique horror, I don't think any of the existing services would cover it.
 
HotesTilaire said:
She’s 34 E apparently, not FF 🥁
She’s being totally bonkers and Christ knows what’s behind it but it’s wrong. The poor lad won’t be earning money doing that, you daft mare, he’s not old enough. End of discussion.
Apparently all UK pet food comes from “human grade meat” just because we have good laws. The processing it goes through might make it unsafe for humans to eat.
There used to be stories of pensioners surviving on whiskas back in the day and I did see an article doing the rounds a few days back saying someone in poverty had resorted to eating dog food (but at c30p a tin? You can get a loaf and jam for under 60p? People who eat meat are just obsessed by always eating meat all the time IDK🤷🏼‍♀️) anyway it sounded like a big fat lie.
Urgh I bet she does eat cat biscuits and her lingering honk is all the worse for it. Cannae believe about 5 or more people have been in a relationship with her.
🥕
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No, no. Old men eat toothpaste to fill their tummies and then somehow manage to contact Jack to tell her 😌.
 
ChickenPorridge said:
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This one tickled me the most. I thought she was gonna say people will have opinions because Twitter is unsuitable etc what with him being an actual child. Turned out she meant incase he damages her 'career', lol
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"Righty ho, better just put out a quick announcement to tell everyone that I'm going to intentionally expose a 12 year old child to inappropriate content. Oh...wait people might worry about me so I'd best follow it up letting them know I trust him".
 
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Yeah, like that vicious pile on you “painstakingly built one day at a time” to get yourself the DKL slot. Which you then fucked up because in all those ten years you forgot to “painstakingly build” any sort of skill set, warmth or engaging personality to equip you for any career whatsoever.

I’m so confused about this “career” she’s been building up for 10 years. I mean, what does she do and what does does she have the skill set for that remotely resembles work/what is she as a “career”? She’s not actually a cook, an activist, a presenter, and despite having published books and articles, she’s not a writer.

Is not having any boundaries whatsoever on a Twitter account a “career” these days? I mean, it’s a way to rinse money out of idiots but a painstakingly built career?! FFS

And duck right off with your “I’d trust that boy with my life”. THAT IS NOT AND SHOULD NEVER BE YOUR YOUNG SON’S JOB YOU VILE bleeping GHOUL!!! And its absolutely tragic that he would be unable to reciprocate and say the same of you, his “mother”.
 
Just to check I’m understanding this correctly, Jack Monroe , who is literally unable to lie due to being a gifted maverick with autism , is announcing to the whole of Twitter that she will be employing a 12 year old , who despite being too young to have his own Twitter account , as part of his duties will be expected to field the frequent and multiple death/rapethreats she receives, which based on the snippets she has described on her timeline, are graphic and violent .


 
jenny2603 said:
The Squigs are mostly just leaving creepy messages for SB, begging to get into Comments Club. However there are some voices of dissent.

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If Twitter do the right thing and suspend her account at the first whiff of SB being on there, no doubt she'll start screeching about mendacious unhinged bullies maliciously reporting her and RUINING A CHILD'S SUMMER because the self-obsessed bleep can't comprehend that there are people out there actually concerned for her child's wellbeing.
 
jenny2603 said:
The Squigs are mostly just leaving creepy messages for SB, begging to get into Comments Club. However there are some voices of dissent.

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It's so weird. I'm not on twitter, but if I was, and someone announced they were letting their kid run their account, I would unfollow. Absolutely no way would I be like 'Hi little boy' because that is creepy as duck.

Mine would just troll the absolute hell out of me, and then spam my page with whatever her latest obsession is (Joseph Quinn) and the dankest of dank memes.
 
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