Jack Monroe #321 It's just that Jack wasn't especially cool or well liked

[Phillipa78]

Absolutely hilarious work by the collective!! I await the next thread title in nervous anticipation.

May I provide an interlude to build some tension?

Slop right now (thank you very much!), I need somebody with a pumble touch!
Hey you, always on the gun... gotta slop it down baby gotta have some (DKL) fun!
By the All Spices are the same Girls.

 

[Boogs]

Poor White Knight Squig needs to realise that Jack isn't their friend and come and join us.

Come on Harold *join us*

 

[colouredlines]

I've been searching for a bit of Scottish content that might resonate with Jack, ahead of her violation of my city next week. I thought this clip from Burnistoun might remind her of her time in the fire service and help get her used to the accent.

Jack doesn't need help getting used to the accent. Scotland is LITERALLY her second home. She knows it like the back of her hand. She's been there at least twice! She's a lifelong fan of the Celtic Rangers!

 

[Sglodion]

I did know an orangery was some type of building, but is it just an especially wanky word for a conservatory or is it actually a specific thing designed for growing oranges?

 

[Clarends]

Scots wha hae wi frauen read,
Scots, wham Pumble aften led
Welcome tae yer Tattle threads
And tae hootery.

Thread title nomination

 

[Captainmouse]

I've been searching for a bit of Scottish content that might resonate with Jack, ahead of her violation of my city next week. I thought this clip from Burnistoun might remind her of her time in the fire service and help get her used to the accent.

I recently spotted a Scot, complete with kilt and a couple of carrier bags, it made me chuckle and seems appropriate, but I can’t find it now

 

[Mr Krabs]

Shame Jack wasn’t chosen for this collab.

 

[TurnedUpInTipp]

Was it the Essex Police who dropped round to Jack?

 

[Into_the_tunnel]

Shame Jack wasn’t chosen for this collab.

View attachment 1334248 q

You drop THIS on page 50?

Shooketh.

 

[Veronicaaa]

Everything about it doesn’t stand up to any scrutiny. Is she planning to keep it constantly updated? If it’s not then all it does is tell you about price increases at a fixed point in time, which is bugger all use to anyone. The only marginally useful thing it was mooted to be doing was showing if lower priced food was raising in cost faster than more expensive food, but the ONS have done their own report on this and come to the conclusion that on the whole price rises are happening at the same rate. I’d trust the ONS over Jack any given day.

Why did she even ask people to send in their receipts? What on earth was that about? Other than harvesting personal data?

 

[Cack Conroe]

I've missed a lot this evening and can't be arsed to grunk. Is it confirmed that Big Dave is in trouble for showing off his rocket, courtesy of Jack's gum flapping?

 

[trueblue222]

Absolutely hilarious work by the collective!! I await the next thread title in nervous anticipation.

May I provide an interlude to build some tension?

Slop right now (thank you very much!), I need somebody with a pumble touch!
Hey you, always on the gun... gotta slop it down baby gotta have some (DKL) fun!
By the All Spices are the same Girls.

Or slop in the name of love before you break my heart

I don't even know what a bleeping orangery is

It's hilarious

I only know of it from made in chelsea

I don't know of any Scottish people who have an orangery

I think it's hilarious

Mind the Kevin Bridges sketch where he came home and his neighbours had a gazebo and he was like in clydebank we call that a crime scene

 

[colouredlines]

Shame Jack wasn’t chosen for this collab.

View attachment 1334248 q

I am shocked that this exists, but even more shocked that they recommend nuts. That's an accident waiting to happen...

Jack would have suggested her classic Come to Bed Carbonara, or maybe Pleasure Me Pumble.

 

[Ostapbender]

List of possible whereabouts being narrowed down now #forensic

 

[Veronicaaa]

FORENSIC.

LASER FOCUSED ACCURACY

 

[ChocolateMuffin]

It might be a useful defence mechanism against the pumble though, so swings and roundabouts.

Read that as Squigs and Roundabouts. Which also works for most of her posts.

 

[Smeghead]

She’s liked a couple of things on Twitter this evening. I think she is holding off on posting to punish whoever it was that sent the fuzz round…

Caught by the fuzz would have been a good thread title too

 

[Veronicaaa]

Mooching around her website and found this gem.

Surely the mini egg shells wouldn’t melt and end up being all crunchy and grainy on the bottom?

View attachment 1334028 q

This is so sad, she even has to sloppify mini eggs. Genuinely worrying.

 

[Phillipa78]

This is so sad, she even has to sloppify mini eggs. Genuinely worrying.

I reckon it would be a lethal combination of slop and shell-shard shrapnel.

 

[Jelly Bean]

I've missed a lot this evening and can't be arsed to grunk. Is it confirmed that Big Dave is in trouble for showing off his rocket, courtesy of Jack's gum flapping?

No not confirmed. Or even hinted at by Jack tbf. Just lots of collating of evidence by the canal to indicate one way or the other she has dropped Big Dave and herself in it. Options are a) gun was fired and was reported. b) gun was not fired but Jack said it was c) she made the whole thing up but still got BD into trouble over it.
The least likely scenario is that an artillery cannon was fired down a residential street and was then left unattended to be draped upon by a vaping Jack. After presumably being kept in a suburban garage instead of the secure compound it is normally housed. Which is Jack's version of events.