Jack Monroe #232 Griftmas time, rattle tin and whine

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People-huv-tae-know said:
I'm still grunking but thanks so much for sharing the song generator. Here is my contribution.


A Triggering and Crappy Cook Slopgibbon

By The Slopsterz
A Christmas Song

View attachment 939543 qLast Christmas, I gave you my Slop
But the very next day, you Grifted
This year, to save me from tears
I'll give it to Mrs J

I'm dreaming of a Sloppy Christmas
Just like the ones I used to know
Where the Fanny Cake glisten and Brambly mice listen
To hear Poverty Story in the snow

You were Muffiny
You were Grifty
Monarch of Sarfend
When the band finished playing
They howled out for more
The crowd were swinging
All the Brambly mice they were singing
You asked me to Dance in heels
And then we did Sing Landslide

But then last Christmas, I gave you my Slop
And the very next day, you Grifted
This year, to save me from tears
I'll give it to Mrs J instead

You're Greedy
You're Bastarding
Happy Christmas to you
I pray God it's your last

Rockin' around the Christmas 3K JL Tree
At the Christmas party hop,
Rockin' around the Christmas 3K JL Tree,
Let the Christmas spirit ring,
Later I'll have some Slop
And me and Mrs J will Sing Landslide

I don't want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need
I don't care about Omega Seamaster
I just want Mrs J for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true oh
All I want for Christmas is Mrs J

Oh, Mrs J yeah, oh Mrs J yeah
Mrs J the Slopgibbon is a Triggering, Crappy cook soul
Mrs J the Slopgibbon is a fairy tale they say

Mrs J baby, I want you and really that is all
I'll wait up for you, dear
Mrs J baby, won't you Sing Landslide with me tonight?

So here it is, Sloppy Christmas
Everybody's here to Dance in heels
Look to the future now
It's only just begun

Simply having a Sloppy Christmastime
Simply having a Sloppy Christmastime
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Where the Fanny Cake glisten 🤣 I might just bookmark that one
 
Too knackered still from my Covid booster to come up with an original Christmas carol so here is my offering using the Christmas song generator:

A Dishonest and Rude Selfish Cow

By The Slopsters

🎼Last Christmas, I gave you my Urban Decay palette
But the very next day, you blended
This year, to save me from tears
I'll give it to yourself

I'm dreaming of the best ever Christmas
Just like the ones I used to know
Where the kettles glisten and Brambly mice listen
To hear tin rattling in the snow

You were liar
You were grifter
Monarch of Southend
When the band finished playing
They howled out for more
The crowd were swinging
All the Brambly mice they were singing
You asked me to scamper
And then we did grift

But then last Christmas, I gave you my Urban Decay palette
And the very next day, you blended
This year, to save me from tears
I'll give it to yourself instead

You're liar
You're selfish
Happy Christmas to you
I pray God it's your last

Rockin' around the Christmas sideboard
At the Christmas party hop,
Rockin' around the Christmas sideboard,
Let the Christmas spirit ring,
Later I'll have some rancid fish
And me and yourself will grift

I don't want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need
I don't care about Burberry scarf
I just want yourself for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true oh
All I want for Christmas is yourself

Oh, yourself yeah, oh yourself yeah
yourself the selfish cow is a dishonest, rude soul
yourself the selfish cow is a fairy tale they say

yourself baby, I want you and really that is all
I'll wait up for you, dear
yourself baby, won't you grift with me tonight?

So here it is, the best ever Christmas
Everybody's here to scamper
Look to the future now
It's only just begun

Simply having the best ever Christmastime
Simply having the best ever Christmastime
 
Marj24 said:
I share (under a spoiler) some good writing from John Waite. I have to say most of the recipes from the book I bought on Kindle sound delicious. This one however sounds straight from the mind of our poisonous pixie
View attachment 939771 qView attachment 939772 q
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Probably shouldn’t be accompanying his solo meal with an entire bottle of wine is he’s prone to depression 🤷🏻‍♀️
 
Marj24 said:
I share d (under a spoiler) some good writing (in my opinion) from John Waite. I have to say most of the recipes from the book I bought on Kindle sound delicious. This one however sounds straight from the mind of our poisonous pixie
View attachment 939771 qView attachment 939772 q
Click to expand...
I’d eat the sprouts with bacon, onion and garlic as a side dish but I draw the line at the spices, and I do love a good curry.
 
Marj24 said:
I share d (under a spoiler) some good writing (in my opinion) from John Waite. I have to say most of the recipes from the book I bought on Kindle sound delicious. This one however sounds straight from the mind of our poisonous pixie
View attachment 939771 qView attachment 939772 q
Click to expand...

This sounds bleeping horrible, but I'd probably choose it over a deep-fried tinned sardine and prune butter toastie, you know?
 
I’m on a mega grunk as I’ve been BUSY ok? So I’m way behind, but The Sloppies were amazing, and I’d just like to say a big thank(space)you to all the Canal for being my little slice of joy this year. As much as Jack is a shameless grifting grifter with absolutely no self-awareness whatsoever, and sometimes I get weary just reading about the latest chaoses, this place always gives me a smile.
I have one more day of work to do and a list longer than our Mackie’s of unfinished tasks - though tbf I did slack off majorly yesterday - then I may be able to fully catch up on the goodness that you all offer ♥️
 
Saint_clemmie said:
Jack is such an odd person. Who in their 30’s cares about the colour of the queens accessories, the exact shade of fortnum and mason, and proudly owns the same shoes as Theresa May?

#toryenergy #ibetshedanceslikehertoo
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So much this!

I'm surprised she hasn't noticed that Aldi have pinched the F&M blue and have a copycat range in store. Oh no, silly me, Jack shops in Waitrose for her bargain poverty food :ROFLMAO:
 
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