Jack Monroe #198 Marcus! Marcus! Marcus!

[Falkor]

Cool cool cool

now What Are Fleets?!

Fleets are Twitter's equivalent of stories on Facebook and Instagram, they disappear after 24 hours. I personally think Twitter was just so horrified by Aled Jones posting a knob shot to them that they've decided the whole thing was a terrible mistake.

 

[Lumpyspaceprincess]

There are rumours of a breakaway DKL cult who honour Matt's forearms...all must roll up their sleeves thanks Matt very much
May the slow cooker open

I fear I have watched too much Handmaid's tale...

Under her ‘black’ eye

 

[Lanie]

Do you have a giant curly wig? A viv (RIP) dress? A grey Calvin Klein sports bra? A stripy suit? A stripy skirt? Hammer pants? A floral crown? All are clothing of the true jackolyte.

There’s that awkward moment when we try to pass around the homemade kombucha and slimy slow cooker bread and everyone says ‘ah no thanks - I ate before I left’
No sacrament will be made.

(my fake cults go very catholic - other fake cults are available)

I really dont have any own a single one of these things. I dont even have fancy curtains or expensive sideboards.

I did very nearly put cinnamon into a pasta dish yesterday instead of chili powder will that do.

Also cheers for the tips been meaning to treat myself.

 

[bladiesla]

...have we started a cult?

Nah, one characteristic of cults is that they suppress critical thought (usually with often used sentences that end the discussion).

If anything, some of jack's following is more cult-like.

(ETA only just reading further and see that I've answered way too seriously )

 

[Django]

I've just listened to Henry Dimbleby on R4 talking about the new food strategy. He name checked THAT MAN and Marcus but no mention of Southend's literal food expert

 

[ThunderClapForCapers]

Slightly late to the Narc Nostalgia in true Monroe fashion, but with renewed determination to contemporise her Pinned Tweet. Would be better with moving images, but this is what I see each time the Lingreenie video is posted. I do hope the incredible Julie Walters is in good and improving health.

 

[Dustye]

I've just listened to Henry Dimbleby on R4 talking about the new food strategy. He name checked THAT MAN and Marcus but no mention of Southend's literal food expert

Was thinking the same, it's made headlines this morning, and I thought with all JM's claims to be a 'literal food expert' working with Dimbleby on this (what was it LJC claimed, that Jack had invented healthy start vouchers?), they'd be tweeting about it, pulling out the key facts and findings, talking about how vital a good food policy is to addressing poor nutrition and health inequalities. Had a quick look and... nothing, of course.

This is a massive PR open goal Jack, what are you doing?! Unless, of course, it was all bullshit

 

[bladiesla]

Jack never even knew how to promote her own things (i.e no tweeting about Instagram lives etc) online. There never seemed to be a strategy (not long-term) behind her online presence.

It's been suggested this was to keep her followers who think she's poor away from the money making activities on Instagram. But I wonder if she's just always been too arrogant to take advice from marketing experts/agents.

 

[Dustye]

Jack never even knew how to promote her own things (i.e no tweeting about Instagram lives etc) online. There never seemed to be a strategy (not long-term) behind her online presence.

It's been suggested this was to keep her followers who think she's poor away from the money making activities on Instagram. But I wonder if she's just always been too arrogant to take advice from marketing experts/agents.

I think they're bone idle and would rather be dino napping than get off their arse and do some work. I can imagine the agencies they work with putting together multiple action plans for them, suggesting what to post and when and even offering to do it for them for a fee.

Hence the crowdfunding for a house idea they half-jokingly mentioned years ago. Wants everything handed to them on a plate while rattling the tip jar, and yet ironically has this Tory view that the poors sit around watching daytime TV and throwing drinks trays in pub gardens.

 

[Readingismyhobby]

i have none of these things

Look in a magic puddle next time you go for a walk.

 

[SlopAmbsase]

Let us not forget the ultimate fate of flooflebot. If you can't use Pythagoras on it, it's not a proper bot. It is a false prophet come to seduce you and divert you from the righteous path of the Acute Angle. Beware the curved line for it is the geometrical manifestation of THAT MAN himself who will tempt you with his solid food away from the low and slow Holy Slop. Praise beans.

View attachment 663201 q

Flooflebot has severe behavioural issues and dangerous levels of psychopathy. I also think it has rabies. It’s a lab experiment gone horribly wrong and the fact it’s ‘parents’ are a twee nice guy and the queen of slop mean that it has the same kind of parental disadvantage that made Freddy Krueger or Rose West. Kill it.

Love from a 100% viggle x

 

[Rekyavikgirl]

Dimbleby is an entitled, overprivileged bleep.

 

[Vanelope]

Fleets are Twitter's equivalent of stories on Facebook and Instagram, they disappear after 24 hours. I personally think Twitter was just so horrified by Aled Jones posting a knob shot to them that they've decided the whole thing was a terrible mistake.

Thank(space)you much very much!

 

[Pixieboots]

Under her ‘black’ eye

Now there's an idea. On the Jack equivalent of Ash Wednesday, we line up to receive the sacred mark of sparkles over our right eye.

 

[Lanie]

 

[kachoochoo]

24th June can be our equivalent of Xmas, where we gather for a ceremonial reading of Thread 31 and celebrate with pisses and sandwiches all round!

 

[Suffolkmum]

i have none of these things

We can sell them to you. See tip jar.

 

[bowiethesdmn]

Nah, one characteristic of cults is that they suppress critical thought (usually with often used sentences that end the discussion).

If anything, some of jack's following is more cult-like.

(ETA only just reading further and see that I've answered way too seriously )

To be fair to you though it says a lot about Jack and her Jackolytes that you went to the serious answer first! Jack would be an excellent (read: terrible) cult leader. She already suppresses critical thinking by way of limiting her tweets and she is fantastic at making her own narrative that only collapses if you examine it even slightly in-depth.

 

[SlopAmbsase]

As this is very much in my niche, I eagerly await the Jackolyte exodus to a remote land, where she will create the Sloptown cultural encampment. As history foreshadows, she will reside in a cackshed of a significantly higher quality than that of the followers and be permitted John Lewis furnishings and Tesco Finest tinned sardines while the followers subsist on tendrils of minced bollock sausage stewed in vats of recycled potato water.

Cooper will grow large and angry and be caged while any followers who attempt to send for help or Deliveroo will be placed in the ‘Box’ - a sunken subterranean Cotswold boot cabinet.

Adherants to Jacks Temple of Slop will continue to work the 21 hour day required by the supreme Mamapapa and submit letters attesting to her greatest deeds and their confessed shortcomings. Obviously the effort of caring for her people takes a great toll on Jack, which is why she must rest with a constant supply of unspecified (1g) medications and an IV of Yakult.

Jack’s dedication to her cause is such that, when suitably energised, she resumes the divine effort of healing the povs and advocating her unique Slop Socialism. Jack issues a constant broadcast of her maverick and revolutionary thoughts across the settlement so all may benefit from her gifted diagnosis.

This warning from history brings only one comfort. Rather than a mendacious and calculated planned death of all who came to Sloptown with a dream of a better future, the most likely mass poisoning will be due to an outbreak of botulism from a barrel of salad bag pesto, left for a little too long under the cruel tropical sun. Those who do not remember the lessons of the past are condemned to repeat them.

Note: the real life tragedy I reference here is incredibly complex, and even beginning to learn from it requires a sensitive understanding of race, politics and ‘new religions’. The exploitation of black people is a key part of the Peoples Temple story. There is obviously also a Jack parallel here also but that’s too dark to parody, even for me.

 

[ThunderClapForCapers]

A bit off-topic, but saw this and thought of how glorious the day will be when an article generates a similar Twitter thread with £ signs and Thorpe Bay.