Jack Monroe #19 Is it a show? Miguel's not sure. I am Jack, hear me ROAR!

[MancBee]

I can't get over the bread knife tit. Things you definitely can't use a bread knife for with any ease:
Chopping garlic, ginger, chilli
Filleting fish
Carving a roast chicken
Thinly cutting carrots etc
Chopping herbs
Slicing steak
A cheese board
Deboning a chicken thigh

I could go on and on ...

But you are missing the glaringly obvious. JM's recipes don't require you to do those things.
Open a tin, rinse the contents. Add various tit from jars and boil to within an inch of its life. This will ensure theres no texture or flavour (well no flavour you would want to taste), poor or depressed people don't need such luxuries.
"Thinly cutting carrots", what's wrong with tinned carrots? "Carving a roast chicken ", get some processed chicken slices, it's all the same. "Steak", are you mad?

 

[chocolate choux]

That grotty chaotic kitchen reminds me of the kitchen at a vegan anarchist centre I used to volunteer in *literally shuddering at the thought*

My kitchen shelves make me happy every single day. All the ugly stuff is hidden behind cupboards

View attachment 139948 q

So clean and aesthetically pleasing!

 

[emm]

Self love stew. Self. Love. Stew?

Is that made with masturbation mince?

Do all of the recipes have these kind of titles I wonder? It reminds me of come dine menus where they give something a bizarre name so no one has any idea what it is, or she is just not indicating what the flavour should be so no one can criticise

 

[MancBee]

That grotty chaotic kitchen reminds me of the kitchen at a vegan anarchist centre I used to volunteer in *literally shuddering at the thought*

My kitchen shelves make me happy every single day. All the ugly stuff is hidden behind cupboards

View attachment 139948 q

That looks amazing. That is how open shelving should look.

Nothing like the grubby, cluttered, shitshow in JM's kitchen. Even my tiny kitchen looks better than that.

 

[emm]

So clean and aesthetically pleasing!

Yeh I’m a bit of a hoarder and even for me that makes me stressed to look at

 

[Bellybutton lint]

That grotty chaotic kitchen reminds me of the kitchen at a vegan anarchist centre I used to volunteer in *literally shuddering at the thought*

My kitchen shelves make me happy every single day. All the ugly stuff is hidden behind cupboards

View attachment 139948 q

Wow, that is impressive. You are almost of out penne though.

That grotty chaotic kitchen reminds me of the kitchen at a vegan anarchist centre I used to volunteer in *literally shuddering at the thought*

My kitchen shelves make me happy every single day. All the ugly stuff is hidden behind cupboards

View attachment 139948 q

Am off to clean my shelves shortly.

 

[blurstoftimes]

Wow, that is impressive. You are almost of out penne though.


Am off to clean my shelves shortly.

oh it’s ok I’ll just replace Penne with, oh I don’t know, mushrooms

 

[emm]

I just realised that this thread is FINALLY giving me the perfect opportunity to post this video. I watch this clip about once a month, when I need to laugh. But so many parallels - wood board love/self love stew. The drama of everything. The bread knife for everything.

I thought genuinely this was a spoof, but it’s from the goop channel?! Wtaf, I laughed out loud

 

[Nottonightbabe]

View attachment 139933 q

View attachment 139934 q

She really does not look after her knives some of those look like they've been use to mine coal FFS. And there's expensive ones there, I can see what looks like a Global knife, probably around £100, and that rusty old thing on the very left looks like her Observer Food Monthly award (2018?) Which is a Blok chefs knife. They retail at just over £300. Looks so appreciated

 

[Silver Linings]

Isn’t tryptophan the sleepy carb chemical? The one that makes everyone fall asleep before the queens speech on xmas day? That’d be the last thing you’d need if you were in a bad place.

 

[Bellybutton lint]

Think my bum will look big in this?

 

[Veronicaaa]

That grotty chaotic kitchen reminds me of the kitchen at a vegan anarchist centre I used to volunteer in *literally shuddering at the thought*

My kitchen shelves make me happy every single day. All the ugly stuff is hidden behind cupboards

View attachment 139948 q

Love this - Any tips on where to get decent yet cheap jars? Where did you get your spice jars?

 

[Silver Linings]

Sidenote - I love how long and petty (reasonable) our memories are. She must be fuming, or whatever stupid word she would use instead.

 

[Veronicaaa]

Think my bum will look big in this?

View attachment 139963 q

Only if you forget to rinse it.

 

[Flumps]

That grotty chaotic kitchen reminds me of the kitchen at a vegan anarchist centre I used to volunteer in *literally shuddering at the thought*

My kitchen shelves make me happy every single day. All the ugly stuff is hidden behind cupboards

View attachment 139948 q

Oh please please please can this be the start of lots of shelf/kitchenalia pictures. I'm exceptionally nosey. I will happily do mine, but I am mid pie making so have to clean up first.

 

[Readingismyhobby]

Here we go again, with Jack's signature 'put everything into a cold pan then turn the heat on and boil' method of cooking https://life.spectator.co.uk/articles/quick-and-spicy-salmon-noodles-recipe/

What the hell is a “vigorous simmer “!

 

[Bellybutton lint]

Oh please please please can this be the start of lots of shelf/kitchenalia pictures. I'm exceptionally nosey. I will happily do mine, but I am mid pie making so have to clean up first.

Pie making? As in lemon meringue?

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

What the hell is a “vigorous simmer “!

A boil?

 

[Readingismyhobby]

So much self love and self care in gently developing blocked arteries!

You can also tell from this picture that the noodles are breaking off everywhere and clearly overcooked mush. Trying to imagine the taste of raw boiled onions, ginger and garlic mixed with a disproportionate amount of coconut milk and curry powder and TINNED FISH. I think I need a lie down.

That looks like a bowl of sick

 

[poppycat]

Think my bum will look big in this?

View attachment 139963 q

Yes, absolutely x