Jack Monroe #188 Jack sits on a train of lies

[Billybellend]

No they've been triple tested! But are also one and done. But also triple tested by home economists. Or something.

BUY MY BOOKS

Maybe @PoorPatrol could bring out a ‘how not to cook: the results’ book? Get that crowdfunder going, I’ve got some old postcards of rancid bacon and daisies you can have

 

[lilamay]

This has bean a great thread

Extra bitcoin for you, @PoorPatrol!

 

[Toffee finger]

Well done @PoorPatrol you were brave to try that. “Brambly mice could help out with their little swords?” Had me hooting and fizzing with laughter!

 

[traumatised sideboard]

Is anybody else working on the new thread or shall I go for the hat-trick? It will be the work of a moment.

Edit: a new thread is here but I carry with me the horror of the
scuffins

Jack Monroe #189 Food Crime Pie

You've finally done it @Billybellend you irreverent and ephemeral smol pixie, your very own thread title after being the first person to nominate @BlendedSlop's words. We've run out of Yakult now but we do have Jackult which is Jack's new range of fermented gut-healthy drinks. It's probably...

tattle.life

 

[Blurp]

Sloppy scuffins sounds like an old timey Victorian insult for a street urchin.

Egads, Mabel. Did you see the sloppy scuffins over there? Why that young lady has the tattoos of a sailor!

Sailors tend to be connoisseurs of tattoos and wouldn't be caught dead with hers. I remember being in a pub in Helensburgh and wearing a cap sleeved top, showing off my Celtic knotwork armband. On the way back from the loo, I was pulled into a group of matelots who proceeded to have a close look at my tattoo and discuss it, ask where I'd had it done, compliment it, etc. Was it done in Singapore or Hong Kong? No, Edinburgh by Sarah Street. They weren't at all interested in me or looking at me, other than at my right upper arm! It was done by a good artist and some of the stuff she did for me appeared in tattoo magazines; I've even met someone who showed me her tattoo which was inspired by part of one mine and which she'd seen in a magazine .

Jack's tattoos are an ugly mess, just like her cooking.

ETA: That tattoo was also complimented in the SR Mess at HMS Raleigh (Navy boot camp) just after I'd had it done so again by someone who'd seen a lot of tattoos!

 

[bowiethesdmn]

I know we're having to make our own fun right now, but, @PoorPatrol, you've gone above and beyond. I genuinely laughed out loud at your posts. Thankyou!

If the scruffins aren't your thing, can I tempt you with a sprout scone?

View attachment 569432 qView attachment 569433 q

I honestly thought this was satire at first

 

[Veronicaaa]

Is she trying to make soda farls?

They are not a scone but you lightly griddle them in a well floured pan. Perhaps she thought you could do it for all bread.

I was thinking they sound more like drop scones, but they are more pancakes than scones.

 

[phoebuscartel]

Poor Patrol gets my nom for the Sloppies.

I don't think Jack knows what a scone or a muffin is.

 

[Whaa?]

Her recipes are universally awful, just dreadful.

I am acquainted with Marina O'Loughlin and I know for a fact she would not enjoy the slop Jack Monroe serves up, she has actual tastebuds for a start. But it's the done thing to do, to publicly champion the smol impoverished pixie. No-one could face the backlash criticising Jack's food, because she has so carefully orchestrated this fragile, hard working, "look what I've made for 15p" bullshit persona.

Grunking, but popping back in to say -thank you for this. There must be a fine line to walk in championing Jack and being seen as foolish or worse in promoting or endorsing bad food. Also in endorsing a book as good for people on a budget when it really isn't. Marina is quoted as saying about Tin Can Cook (on the Amazon sale page). I honestly think this is an era defining cookbook, and a brilliant, thoughtful, incredibly useful piece of work. (excuse me if this has been discussed already, I am speeding through the pages).