Jack Monroe #188 Jack sits on a train of lies

[Captainmouse]

My current favourite tit recipe from Monroe is the beautiful abomination:

Tinned steak, mango* and black bean curry

*(Any other orange fruits will also do, see recipe!)

View attachment 569286 qView attachment 569287 q

A splash won’t save that!

 

[PoorPatrol]

Genuine hysteria triggered by this recipe.
Pure quality poor patrol.
Now eat one, go on I dare you!

My husband just said:
“They have the consistency of flesh”
And I was like errr, sorry what?? Human??

 

[Captainmouse]

2 tablespoons of chopped garlic. To get that amount of would be about three whole bulbs! How many was this supposed to feed?

Depends, real people? Or pixies?

 

[colouredlines]

@PoorPatrol deserves some kind of award for that.

Luckily, I just so happen to giving away 200 unsold copies of Good Food For Bad Days!

 

[Cookiecookie]

Omg, those sloppins @PoorPatrol Did your smol ones hoot and shriek with joy at the sight of them?

 

[Pocahontas]

Don’t show them to your children, @PoorPatrol . Please don’t show them to your children.

 

[Adayinthelife]

A splash won’t save that!

Thread title nom

 

[PoorPatrol]

Omg, those sloppins @PoorPatrol Did your smol ones hoot and shriek with joy at the sight of them?

No, mamapapa isn’t quite so cruel as to bring them out of school early for slop rocks. I made them tomato soup for dinner, thinking that if the skidmarks scruffins magically work, they can go with the soup. Alas, they’ll be going to bed at 6pm after cleaning up my mess, with scruffinless bellies.

Softy softy white bread as an alternative, methinks, as all carbs are the same!

 

[Hollaaa]

No, mamapapa isn’t quite so cruel as to bring them out of school early for slop rocks. I made them tomato soup for dinner, thinking that if the skidmarks scruffins magically work, they can go with the soup. Alas, they’ll be going to bed at 6pm after cleaning up my mess, with scruffinless bellies.

Softy softy white bread as an alternative, methinks, as all carbs are the same!

Don't put them out for the birds whatever you do. It'll be a glove graveyard out there

 

[PoorPatrol]

See, this is why an upswing in the amount of work I need to do must = less Tattle. I’ve now become a scuffin truther, and wasted most of the day. Jack’s recipe has no picture. There’s not a single picture of her scuffins on the entire Internet.

There are tonnes of other scuffin recipes available, with pictures. Not one single one of them requires nearly 600g of liquid. Each one requires a variation of oily help, but most of them are an approximation of Jack’s recipe minus the 400g tin of tomatoes. I don’t know how she thought she could pilfer someone else’s recipe and just sling in a tin of tomatoes on top, clearly without even testing it!

That’s why there are no pictures. She’s never made them. That is the only possible truth.

•Bangs gavel•

Case dismissed!

 

[Billybellend]

What’s done is done, once and done!

If you don’t like me because I’m a white person with tattoos, that’s your lookout. I’m actually helping people here, and I’m BUSY! I’ll be limiting replies to this because I worked 20 hours doing this for free. Time to play kickyball and have a piss and a sandwich. No. I will not be eating these, I’ll be writing POOR PATROL all over them and donating them to Terry the Sparrow’s family, but it’s not my news to share! Please leave me alone....

View attachment 569323 q
Did they rise? No. They weren’t supposed to
View attachment 569325 q

Are they slimy inside, despite being cooked for 25 mins (recipe says 18-22 for bigger) and starting to burn? Yes. It’s Greek!
View attachment 569326 q
Thats all. I’ve now got burnout, and an ouchy mouth. This is a hellsite, I hope you’re all happy with yourselves.
Rattle! Rattle!

Brief mini grunk because my boy is awake

Bloody hell mate. Well done...you well and truly went above and beyond the call of duty there

 

[Rekyavikgirl]

OMFG Send them to Dr Pimple Popper. They look right up her street.

 

[Billybellend]

Also, the second to last picture...do you have a horse, @PoorPatrol ??

 

[Candytuft]

2 tablespoons of chopped garlic. To get that amount of would be about three whole bulbs! How many was this supposed to feed?

No one. She doesn’t eat any of this.
Nobody could without choking.

 

[Powershower]

There can't be much jelly bit under that cream from the looks of the bowl. That's a crappy trifle.

When she did that trifle at Christmas that she thought warranted a post she then went on to make something else with the leftover cream. There was about 1.5cm of cream on it. She even manages to stuff up packet trifle

 

[Candytuft]

What’s done is done, once and done!

If you don’t like me because I’m a white person with tattoos, that’s your lookout. I’m actually helping people here, and I’m BUSY! I’ll be limiting replies to this because I worked 20 hours doing this for free. Time to play kickyball and have a piss and a sandwich. No. I will not be eating these, I’ll be writing POOR PATROL all over them and donating them to Terry the Sparrow’s family, but it’s not my news to share! Please leave me alone....

View attachment 569323 q
Did they rise? No. They weren’t supposed to
View attachment 569325 q

Are they slimy inside, despite being cooked for 25 mins (recipe says 18-22 for bigger) and starting to burn? Yes. It’s Greek!
View attachment 569326 q
Thats all. I’ve now got burnout, and an ouchy mouth. This is a hellsite, I hope you’re all happy with yourselves.
Rattle! Rattle!

Ye Gods. Respect

 

[CabalofBolorneaise]

It has just occured to me that Jack's images with hands look like they've been edited to display a High Dynamic Range (HDR), like the adult hand here.

View attachment 569118 q

I'm not too familiar with this sort of thing, but I'm willing to bet Photographer Jack is treating there images like this under the misguided impression it makes the food look better. There was a bit of a fad for it a few years ago. Do we have any photographers in the house who might care to comment?

I’ve pondered similar on previous threads, I think that she’s probably using a filter/preset made for food and that’s why her skin often looks bizarre when food is in the pics, but fine (albeit facetuned) in most others.

(edited because apparently I cannot type after the shock of the muffins)

 

[Powershower]

Now, you sad little hausfraus, if you thought I was going to do my usual senselessly minuscule portions, please think again and #bekind

I have surprised you all, by making so much slop, that there’s still loads more left after filling TWELVE muffin tins!

And Louisa J Christ on a bike proclaimed, let there be slop!

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It’s not often I have no words

 

[Brian Butterfield]

What’s done is done, once and done!

If you don’t like me because I’m a white person with tattoos, that’s your lookout. I’m actually helping people here, and I’m BUSY! I’ll be limiting replies to this because I worked 20 hours doing this for free. Time to play kickyball and have a piss and a sandwich. No. I will not be eating these, I’ll be writing POOR PATROL all over them and donating them to Terry the Sparrow’s family, but it’s not my news to share! Please leave me alone....

View attachment 569323 q
Did they rise? No. They weren’t supposed to
View attachment 569325 q

Are they slimy inside, despite being cooked for 25 mins (recipe says 18-22 for bigger) and starting to burn? Yes. It’s Greek!
View attachment 569326 q
Thats all. I’ve now got burnout, and an ouchy mouth. This is a hellsite, I hope you’re all happy with yourselves.
Rattle! Rattle!

I love you PP xx

 

[PoorPatrol]

I’ve pondered similar on previous threads, I think that she’s probably using a filter/preset made for food and that’s why her skin often looks bizarre when food is in the pics, but fine (albeit facetuned) in most others.

(edited because apparently I cannot type after the shock of the muffins)

That’s SCUFFINS to you, hun. They’re unique and Maverick!