Jack Monroe #121 Fahrenheit 106

[Pocahontas]

Oh my god Watching that second one never fails to make me lol. Thank you Marmalade, and thank you Jack. Skillz.

 

[BeautifulTrauma]

If Marcus wins she’ll let us know the answer

I’m sure she’s been holding in the result FOR WEEKS. So let’s just indulge her here folks

 

[Sideboard Bob]

Oh my god Watching that second one never fails to make me lol. Thank you Marmalade, and thank you Jack. Skillz.

 

[matchakitkat]

RE the OASIS video: it’s almost 9 minutes long and the singing only begins at almost 6 minutes in. The fuckkkkkk is wrong with her?

The faux nervy voice and piercing stare are quite something, too. It felt like a tiny glimpse into Simon Cowell’s world during peak 2000’s X Factor auditions...

 

[LennyBriscoe]

you know i've never managed to sit through the Stand by Me video until now...i always assumed she was singing stand by me from the film, not an Oasis song! i still couldn't sit through the entire thing but i love that the singing videos pop up every few months. They truly show Jack at her most delusional and sociopathic.

made a meal and threw it up on Sunday, I gotta lotta things to learn totes appropes if you ask me #slopsville

 

[MarthaFarkus]

Marcus won SPOTY, well deserved

 

[LennyBriscoe]

Marcus won SPOTY, well deserved

I think he was getting a special award though, rather than being the crowned SPOTY...I caught a bit of the news and I think that’s what they said but I could be wrong

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

Lewis Hamilton won SPOTY.

Marcus won the Expert Panel Special Award. He wasn't up for the SPOTY award.

 

[Billybellend]

Guess what she’s doing today? Er. Grifting? Murdering a perfectly good song? My 7 year old can play better than that...fucks sake, stop aggressively slamming the keys! I have hands like big hairy hams, and even I wouldn’t subject an instrument to such abuse. Please someone, tell me she posted this as a piss take...she cannot seriously think this is actually good?!

Ps @Pocahontas - fab recap, as ever! Chefs kiss to you!

 

[Ladderedtights]

Jack MonRONA

Thank you for the new thread! I stupidly watched The Pool video with Jack? And she talks quite a bit how herbs and spices are interchangeable and if you do that then you have learned to cook. And then she ‘taught’ the interviewer how to make marmite Mac n cheese in the microwave and the instructions were so awful, she said you might have to repeat the process a couple of times

 

[Flivver]

Thank(space)you @Pocahontas for the most splendid thread recap.

My first thread title and I’m humbled by the honour . To celebrate, I’ve plinked a few plonks on the old joanna, so I ‘ave (apologies to any fraus with Estuary accents!).

 

[Pixieboots]

Amazed at the bravery of those of you who've managed to sit through these "music" vids. I'm scared that I'd actually cringe myself to death.

 

[Gentlemensrelish]

My soul is inside out. It's just too hideous.

I would also like to put it on record that I in no way meant 'Tory forearms' as an insult. Mr Relish has vaguely centrist forearms and has been seen inside chinos. I forgive him because he's very pleasant to look at.

 

[MushyBeans]

Agghhh the piano video!!! I just can’t imagine recording that and thinking.... yeah, that’s worth sharing with the world. What did the poor piano do to deserve that level of abuse?!

 

[traumatised sideboard]

I love it every time those piano vids come up, particularly the draping herself over the piano which she clearly thinks is some sort of poignant display of artistry. Her hands are so shaky as well, she looks like she might actually be three snakes in disguise just learning to co-ordinate a human body. It's a lovely vintage of fermented cringe. Delicious.

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

Ok so I braved the Oasis video. And no Jack I will not keep my crappy opinion to myself. What a load of pretentious and pointless shite that speech was. She has a fairly posh accent there and her sentences sound very polished with lots of deliberate pauses for dramatic effect. She also refers to herself as a narcissistic hole, wow! Her voice is ok but it lacks punch, oomph and that special something real singers have. Alright for a church choir or local am dram group though. But wtf about all the creepy whispering and that smirk. She looks smug as duck there. A smug toad that has just caught a particularly juicy fly. Going to check out the piano abuse next.

 

[Breakdance Badass]

Oh my god Watching that second one never fails to make me lol. Thank you Marmalade, and thank you Jack. Skillz.

The second video makes me laugh every time, it’s just Kevin the teenager personified! She’s a total fright

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

Eta Ok that was tone deaf tuneless shite. I'm not a musician but my BIL is a music teacher and this would send him over the edge. There are more accomplished toddlers!

 

[Sideboard Bob]

My soul is inside out. It's just too hideous.

I would also like to put it on record that I in no way meant 'Tory forearms' as an insult. Mr Relish has vaguely centrist forearms and has been seen inside chinos. I forgive him because he's very pleasant to look at.

“centrist forearms” has honestly cracked me up! It’s the Green forearms you want to watch out for.

 

[TurnedUpInTipp]

I refuse to watch her doing anything vaguely 'musical', what she does to food is bad enough.