Friends (or lack of) #2

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Beaversabout said:
I feel really lonely since I've told the person I was seeing I could no longer have drugs around me. This was at least twice a month without fail and I really did not want to participate. Im not an addict at all and im not a square or a party pooper at all. It just feels like if i don't join in then he's not going to visit anymore. Clearly that's the case. He also said he can see why im lonely. Well, it is difficult to make friends especially when I have autism and ADHD. I get anxiety and depression too. My family don't live in my area and im hoping I can move one day. I did feel a little bad when I asked if he'd used an ashtray when smoking in my living room he said no. Made me feel like a nag. I don't think he can have a normal friendship without drugs or drama. That was pretty much my only friend who I loved. He's saying he doesn't want to know anyone now and said to me, do you know how many women would love to be in my position? Which he later said wasn't true really. Why say it then? I feel like tit. I always looked after him too.
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Using an ashtray when smoking indoors is just basic consideration surely? You're not a nag at all.
I know it's easy for me to say but sounds like you're better off without this "friend" as if they don't want to know you when they're not under the influence then what kind of a friend are they?
 
Thank(space)you said:
Using an ashtray when smoking indoors is just basic consideration surely? You're not a nag at all.
I know it's easy for me to say but sounds like you're better off without this "friend" as if they don't want to know you when they're not under the influence then what kind of a friend are they?
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You are right. I'd finally had enough of feeling I was being used for that which he denied. So if that's not the case, I wouldn't be dealing with radio silence and him no longer wanting to see me. He's got mental health which I've tried helping him with but he does not want the help. I just feel so sad that now I've finally put up boundaries he's not longer interested. He was literally my only visitor who regularly texted too. God knows what he's doing now. 😞 I mean, he did visit sometimes without drugs but this was not a regular thing either. It was like 2 or 3 times without drugs then 2 or 3 with.
 
Beaversabout said:
I feel really lonely since I've told the person I was seeing I could no longer have drugs around me. This was at least twice a month without fail and I really did not want to participate. Im not an addict at all and im not a square or a party pooper at all. It just feels like if i don't join in then he's not going to visit anymore. Clearly that's the case. He also said he can see why im lonely. Well, it is difficult to make friends especially when I have autism and ADHD. I get anxiety and depression too. My family don't live in my area and im hoping I can move one day. I did feel a little bad when I asked if he'd used an ashtray when smoking in my living room he said no. Made me feel like a nag. I don't think he can have a normal friendship without drugs or drama. That was pretty much my only friend who I loved. He's saying he doesn't want to know anyone now and said to me, do you know how many women would love to be in my position? Which he later said wasn't true really. Why say it then? I feel like tit. I always looked after him too.
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Sadly drug users are just that, users. I am sorry you are going through this.

I am going to a gig tomorrow on my own. I think I posted on here when I booked it. I’m starting to get nervous now.
 
OK. So it’s come to a realisation today that I’ve been muted on messenger and blocked on Instagram by somebody I considered a good friend. I have no idea why? Still talking to me. I don’t know what I’ve done wrong? I’m feeling immense sadness over this and want to confront it but not sure how or if it’s worth my bother? What would you do?
This is a guy and I’m a girl. I feel hurt. I feel angry. It’s such a bizarre feeling of complete rejection and discardedness... what should I do?
 
Good Egg said:
OK. So it’s come to a realisation today that I’ve been muted on messenger and blocked on Instagram by somebody I considered a good friend. I have no idea why? Still talking to me. I don’t know what I’ve done wrong? I’m feeling immense sadness over this and want to confront it but not sure how or if it’s worth my bother? What would you do?
This is a guy and I’m a girl. I feel hurt. I feel angry. It’s such a bizarre feeling of complete rejection and discardedness... what should I do?
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Similar thing happened to me over the past 18 months, gone from being friends for 10+ years to just being iced out, he never interacts with my posts on social media, ignores me in group chats...he's been with his partner for years and I've spent time with her too (they literally stayed at my parents house with me once!) so I doubt it's that. I feel like I've done something that's upset or annoyed him but don't know what :/
 
sleepflowers said:
Similar thing happened to me over the past 18 months, gone from being friends for 10+ years to just being iced out, he never interacts with my posts on social media, ignores me in group chats...he's been with his partner for years and I've spent time with her too (they literally stayed at my parents house with me once!) so I doubt it's that. I feel like I've done something that's upset or annoyed him but don't know what :/
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Can you just ask if something is up? If they say yes you’ll get a reason being you or not. If they say nothing and still act weird, don’t give them any effort. This is what self respect is.
 
smartalec said:
Can you just ask if something is up? If they say yes you’ll get a reason being you or not. If they say nothing and still act weird, don’t give them any effort. This is what self respect is.
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I've considered it but it feels too awkward now, I am a non-confrontational person at the best of times which doesn't help. I am sad about it but at the end of the day I know I didn't do anything wrong towards him, so therefore his attitude towards me is not my fault...
 
sleepflowers said:
I've considered it but it feels too awkward now, I am a non-confrontational person at the best of times which doesn't help. I am sad about it but at the end of the day I know I didn't do anything wrong towards him, so therefore his attitude towards me is not my fault...
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You must do what you are comfortable doing. I’m gobby (which aint always a good thing as I usually manage to make things worse when I cop the hump 🤦🏻‍♀️) so I’d ask but that’s me - I’d have to know. It sounds like a him problem rather than a you problem - you have done nothing wrong. Hold your head high and forward you go 💕 x
 
I’m definitely becoming a bit more immune to the way people behave, but this one has got to me a bit….
Have to try not to out myself but basically a small group of us go to a particular Christmassy event every year.
This year, for various reasons we’re not doing it.
Three of us absolutely loved it and are disappointed.
The others go more for the get together than the actual event so aren’t that fussed.
One of the three that are really into it, mentioned that there was a similar, less well publicised event that she and another friend were going to, that she goes every year and you can only get two tickets.
It sounded great, and I said the other person who sounded really keen that I’d love to go if they fancied it.
It’s rare for me to put myself forward like that because as I’ve said before people just don’t react to my suggesting anything - I’m sure that’s down to something about me, but it makes me hold back.
Anyway the other two gave an embarrassed little laugh, I felt a bit awkward and then it was forgotten about.
This week the other person mentioned that they were going to the event with a friend and they’d let me know what it’s like.
It’s fine in a way; I know she has other friends that are a lot closer than me.
I also think she felt a bit awkward about it, so I just changed conversation.
But I feel sad and annoyed with myself because if I were in her shoes, I definitely would have arranged to go with her, given that we were together when we heard about it.
I’ve had a rough few weeks and that’s probably not helping, but it has hurt my feelings a bit.
 
Good Egg said:
OK. So it’s come to a realisation today that I’ve been muted on messenger and blocked on Instagram by somebody I considered a good friend. I have no idea why? Still talking to me. I don’t know what I’ve done wrong? I’m feeling immense sadness over this and want to confront it but not sure how or if it’s worth my bother? What would you do?
This is a guy and I’m a girl. I feel hurt. I feel angry. It’s such a bizarre feeling of complete rejection and discardedness... what should I do?
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Does he have a girlfriend?
 
I’ve just spent the morning at a funeral and it was really hard and sad and tit….and all I could think was how lucky the grieving sons are to have so many people show up for them. But that I hope these people will also keep showing up for them. At my mum’s funeral I had a good couple of rows of friends there to show their support for me, but where are they years later?? Pretty much totally distant.
I’m so jealous and sad for myself that other people there had friends picking up their kids, I have left my husband there to pick up my youngest from school. Then drop her off with his family so I can go and see my dad in hospital, and I don’t have any good friends who will pick up, watch my kids etc. Just sucks.
 
Another weekend on my own 🙇🏽‍♀️ had plans with a new friend but they cancelled as they're unwell, which is fine, but I do feel sad for me about it.
My best friend is trying to organise something for my birthday; which is a lovely thought but I hate my birthday. She's trying to organise a secret event but basically has had to pad it out with her family & friends as of the 8 people I've invited, only 3 are going.
 
Not really sure if this fits here but I had a weird break through about the woman (a neighbour) who pretends I don’t exist despite our daughters being friends and seeing me almost every day. I realised today she actually seems pretty miserable and a bit of a cow so I don’t think I’m missing out on much 😂 we were at a performance both the girls were part of today and she was there with another mum who… also seemed like a miserable cow. Think I’ll leave them to it 😆
 
I have a resting witch face and so everyone assumes I’m going to be a dick, and I can be a bit aloof - but only because I hate small talk. However once you get to know me and I think you’re someone I want to be friends with I’m a hoot and not a witch at all. And that’s genuinely how I think I’ve made friends throughout my life - people assuming the worst and being pleasantly surprised. Lol.

That said I’m late 30s now and I have a handful of friends and like 4 ppl I’d trust to be my alibi/hide the bodies and one of those is my husband and one is my brother. That’s all you really need. Acquaintances or superficial friends are fleeting but good for meeting up.
 
Honestly lately I've been wondering if I died tomorrow would anyone care? I don't feel suicidal, don't worry, but seriously no one reaches out and I had plans with a friend in a few weeks that they need to reschedule and I'm like what the duck? I'm so tired of feeling disposable and unloved.
 
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