Friends (or lack of) #2

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smartalec said:
I would be careful if you are not the same sex, if there is any chance a friendship approach could be mistaken by them or anyone's partner as something untoward.
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I was saying on here before about how I could suggest going for coffee with a woman but it seems inappropriate with a man .

I don't really interact with people much on FB rather than the odd like. But I'd rather have people that I actually know and get on with as fb mates than not.
 
Popcornshovel said:
Yeah there's a difference between meeting people at a club and taking that leap to bring friends. I've heard the key factor is time - how much time you spend with them chatting. Which makes sense why it's easier to make friends back in school or in a workplace where you're together. Adult life involves spending your time at lots of different places. Not sure how joining a club and spending 1 hour a week/month with the group could translate into friendship?
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Yeah, I think most of the time a recurring commitment is easier. But you can message! I can a couple of friendships where I just asked the person out and did stuff together. You just have to not feel selfconcious. I had someone do it to me recently (met at a friend's place, she asked for my number via the friend as we had stuff in common).
Squishdoodle said:
Just found this thread.
I'm mid 30s and only really have one, maybe two people I'd consider actually friends.

I seem to get easily sucked in to one sided friendships too though. One person is having a hard time and I do really want to help support them through it, and I send supportive messages and things. But at the same time I'm very aware that I care about them more than they care about me - and actually in person I'm very shy and awkward so it feels odd being really friendly in messages when in person I struggle to find things to say and not even really sure if they actually like me much 🤦
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It is a crappy feeling but, like romantic partnerships, you have to shop around and don't fall into the sunk cost fallacy. Others will have their own stories about you and your relationship. You can only look after your needs.

I read loads of books as I ditch ones I don't vibe with quick. I am not promoting always ditching people. But keep them under review and most importantly how do they make you feel? No relationship should feel hard - it is a fallacy which keeps many people in miserable places.
 
Reality_tv_lover said:
I always make the effort I always do the messaging and caring and no one ever shows it back. I think I'm determined to be in one sided acquaintances not even friendships it's just passing friends who share something and I check in if they are okay
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I feel exactly the same way. If I don't message people I never hear from them again. It's like I have to keep a tight grip on any friends I want to keep or that's it. It's horrible feeling like no one bothers to think of you.
 
justonemorepage said:
I feel exactly the same way. If I don't message people I never hear from them again. It's like I have to keep a tight grip on any friends I want to keep or that's it. It's horrible feeling like no one bothers to think of you.
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Yes, I would never hear from anyone if I messaged them first so I know it isn't real but I don't want to handle the fact I have no friends
 
Reality_tv_lover said:
Yes, I would never hear from anyone if I messaged them first so I know it isn't real but I don't want to handle the fact I have no friends
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If that doesn't meet you needs, I would gently explore why you are settling. Like a bad boyfriend, it is preventing you meeting great friends. You have to look at why then be a bit braver to make new friends
 
I posted a few weeks ago about my new neighbour and going for a drink…after a few failed attempts. We went for coffee this morning. It was really nice and natural. Think if the library cafe hasdnt of closed we’d still be there talking. She bought the 2nd drink n cake so my turn next time.
Proof new friendships can happen ♥️
 
I was best friends with this girl growing up, but we grew apart when she got into a new relationship and I'd say we are acquaintances now. Anyway, I bumped into her a little while ago and we exchanged pleasantries.

Fast forward to recent times and I'd messaged her saying randomly she was in my dream the other day and we were back at college in my dream. She'd replied mentioning how good my skin is looking now (I have psoriasis and have found my holy grail medication) anyway she then said if she had psoriasis as bad as mine she would never have left the house! Wtf! I said well, life goes on regardless of your skin and now I've blocked her. What an asshole! She knew growing up how badly my psoriasis affected me but I never let it stop me living my life no matter how tit I was feeling internally. She had cystic acne so you'd think she would have sort of related and realised how hurtful a comment like that can be.
 
Thank(space)you said:
I was best friends with this girl growing up, but we grew apart when she got into a new relationship and I'd say we are acquaintances now. Anyway, I bumped into her a little while ago and we exchanged pleasantries.

Fast forward to recent times and I'd messaged her saying randomly she was in my dream the other day and we were back at college in my dream. She'd replied mentioning how good my skin is looking now (I have psoriasis and have found my holy grail medication) anyway she then said if she had psoriasis as bad as mine she would never have left the house! Wtf! I said well, life goes on regardless of your skin and now I've blocked her. What an asshole! She knew growing up how badly my psoriasis affected me but I never let it stop me living my life no matter how tit I was feeling internally. She had cystic acne so you'd think she would have sort of related and realised how hurtful a comment like that can be.
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Crikey! Someone needs a filter.
You definitely do not need people like that around you!
 
Thank(space)you said:
I was best friends with this girl growing up, but we grew apart when she got into a new relationship and I'd say we are acquaintances now. Anyway, I bumped into her a little while ago and we exchanged pleasantries.

Fast forward to recent times and I'd messaged her saying randomly she was in my dream the other day and we were back at college in my dream. She'd replied mentioning how good my skin is looking now (I have psoriasis and have found my holy grail medication) anyway she then said if she had psoriasis as bad as mine she would never have left the house! Wtf! I said well, life goes on regardless of your skin and now I've blocked her. What an asshole! She knew growing up how badly my psoriasis affected me but I never let it stop me living my life no matter how tit I was feeling internally. She had cystic acne so you'd think she would have sort of related and realised how hurtful a comment like that can be.
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Wow someone needs to go on an emotional intelligence course! Someone told me once that I'd be really pretty if I didn't have moles all over my face. Ive always been self concious of them. You deserve better than her and how rude considering you made the effort to get back in touch with a nice message .
 
Thank(space)you said:
I was best friends with this girl growing up, but we grew apart when she got into a new relationship and I'd say we are acquaintances now. Anyway, I bumped into her a little while ago and we exchanged pleasantries.

Fast forward to recent times and I'd messaged her saying randomly she was in my dream the other day and we were back at college in my dream. She'd replied mentioning how good my skin is looking now (I have psoriasis and have found my holy grail medication) anyway she then said if she had psoriasis as bad as mine she would never have left the house! Wtf! I said well, life goes on regardless of your skin and now I've blocked her. What an asshole! She knew growing up how badly my psoriasis affected me but I never let it stop me living my life no matter how tit I was feeling internally. She had cystic acne so you'd think she would have sort of related and realised how hurtful a comment like that can be.
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What an awful and insensitive thing to say!
Absolutely deserves to be blocked 🚫
 
Thank(space)you said:
I was best friends with this girl growing up, but we grew apart when she got into a new relationship and I'd say we are acquaintances now. Anyway, I bumped into her a little while ago and we exchanged pleasantries.

Fast forward to recent times and I'd messaged her saying randomly she was in my dream the other day and we were back at college in my dream. She'd replied mentioning how good my skin is looking now (I have psoriasis and have found my holy grail medication) anyway she then said if she had psoriasis as bad as mine she would never have left the house! Wtf! I said well, life goes on regardless of your skin and now I've blocked her. What an asshole! She knew growing up how badly my psoriasis affected me but I never let it stop me living my life no matter how tit I was feeling internally. She had cystic acne so you'd think she would have sort of related and realised how hurtful a comment like that can be.
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What an asshole!!!! Just NO. Now, if you had said that to her she’d be screeching and rightly so. People can be so rotten. You deserve better than this cretin. Probably jealous of your skin looking great. Please try to ignore this vicious cow xx
 
Thank(space)you said:
I was best friends with this girl growing up, but we grew apart when she got into a new relationship and I'd say we are acquaintances now. Anyway, I bumped into her a little while ago and we exchanged pleasantries.

Fast forward to recent times and I'd messaged her saying randomly she was in my dream the other day and we were back at college in my dream. She'd replied mentioning how good my skin is looking now (I have psoriasis and have found my holy grail medication) anyway she then said if she had psoriasis as bad as mine she would never have left the house! Wtf! I said well, life goes on regardless of your skin and now I've blocked her. What an asshole! She knew growing up how badly my psoriasis affected me but I never let it stop me living my life no matter how tit I was feeling internally. She had cystic acne so you'd think she would have sort of related and realised how hurtful a comment like that can be.
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I hate it when people say things like this about things that are out of your control. When I had really bad acne, my partners younger sister said something like she’d die if she had skin like mine. Fast forward a few years and she got really bad spots herself, I never said anything because I’m not like that but it always stuck in my head.

I also remember something along the lines of if someone can’t change something about their appearance in 5 minutes, don’t comment on it
 
A ‘non friend’ of mine sent me birthday wishes and said ‘hope you enjoyed my birthday wishes - I wrote the wishes I would wish for myself’. Half her wishes are about my appearance (things I don’t have an issue with).

Yeah love - that’s the thing. It’s my birthday so I won’t be wishing for the vain things you wish for.

On another note - my sister didn’t wish a happy birthday. I texted her saying ‘guess you forgot my birthday lol’ and she never answered. I know she’s doing fine and claims she’s just ‘busy’. We don’t have a bad relationship at all. A few weeks ago, I even texted her about a gift for her own birthday next week. SMH.
 
The social anxiety involved with the school run might be the death of me 😩 Every single interaction I’m convinced I’ve messed up and then the next time I see that parent and they’re aloof or glide past to choose another mum for conversation it’s like confirmation I’m a failure 😞 Is it normal to dread pick up so much?
 
Meg78 said:
The social anxiety involved with the school run might be the death of me 😩 Every single interaction I’m convinced I’ve messed up and then the next time I see that parent and they’re aloof or glide past to choose another mum for conversation it’s like confirmation I’m a failure 😞 Is it normal to dread pick up so much?
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I hated the school gate cliques. Was so relieved when I didn’t have to deal with that anymore.

It’s mostly all so networky and fake; you’re only in if you’re useful in some way; or if you already knew each other from preschool; or if you’re deemed to be one of the cool mums.

I remember bumping into one of the mums once when I popped into town whilst the kids were in school. I did that thing where you automatically stop to say hello to someone you vaguely know, out of politeness. She sped up and carried on walking past me! I still feel mortified thinking about it now 😂

But honestly just hold your head high and focus on spotting your kids face when they see you 😊
These years will fly by, believe me.
 
Meg78 said:
The social anxiety involved with the school run might be the death of me 😩 Every single interaction I’m convinced I’ve messed up and then the next time I see that parent and they’re aloof or glide past to choose another mum for conversation it’s like confirmation I’m a failure 😞 Is it normal to dread pick up so much?
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Seriously it’s not you it’s them. Please don’t put this pressure on yourself. Easy to say, I know. They probably all know each other outside the school gate. Not excusing rudeness though. I used to put my air pods in, smile at everyone then glide on past with my head held high. As Mee said these years will fly past so try to enjoy them while you can and don’t let things you can’t really control upset you x
 
Anyone feel like just nobody really likes them and you're merely someone they "have" to meet every now and then or when they want something from you? I literally don't think anyone likes me or wants to spend time with me. I'm last on their list. I'm single, almost 50, and just want to enjoy my life but having no friends to do that with is so sad. And it's embarrassing too. Everyone I know seems to have big groups of friends, but not me. I hate it.
 
I feel really lonely since I've told the person I was seeing I could no longer have drugs around me. This was at least twice a month without fail and I really did not want to participate. Im not an addict at all and im not a square or a party pooper at all. It just feels like if i don't join in then he's not going to visit anymore. Clearly that's the case. He also said he can see why im lonely. Well, it is difficult to make friends especially when I have autism and ADHD. I get anxiety and depression too. My family don't live in my area and im hoping I can move one day. I did feel a little bad when I asked if he'd used an ashtray when smoking in my living room he said no. Made me feel like a nag. I don't think he can have a normal friendship without drugs or drama. That was pretty much my only friend who I loved. He's saying he doesn't want to know anyone now and said to me, do you know how many women would love to be in my position? Which he later said wasn't true really. Why say it then? I feel like tit. I always looked after him too.
 
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