Friends (or lack of) #2

1
WeHadFunRight

WeHadFunRight

VIP Member
Thread 2 for those of us feeling a bit lonely or let down.

Previous thread here:

Friends (or lack of)

Sorry not sure how to start so I will just crack on. I have no friends and it worries me that I have none, although I dont feel like I need any, or lonely in any way? I am very introverted (on the meyers briggs test I am an INFJ) and I am shy and anxious. At school I only ever really had one...
tattle.life
 
I am 46,i used to have loads of friends, but about 16 years ago, they dropped off gradually. I didn't really notice until they were all gone. I moved away to work for a few years and when I returned to my hometown, I assumed that they would all be back to normal, but no. I can't seem to make connections either. My work colleagues are really passive agressive. I joined a walking group, and meet up groups, and I can have conversations with people, but I can't seem to make any friends. I am lonely, I live on my own, if it wasn't for my cats I would be list.
 
I know lots of people and feel like I have friends, or people who see themselves as a friend, but I’m also introverted and don’t want to be out and about all weekend because that’s when I recharge from work so I can go all weekend without talking to anyone and just feel lonely.
There was a 3 day weekend earlier this month and I messaged a person who I thought was my closest friend a few days before the long weekend asking if she’d like to meet up and told her that if she didn’t feel like going out, I could call in with takeout and we could sit outside instead, but she hasn’t replied and it’s been two weeks.
We‘ve both gone through marriage breakdowns in the last few years and I feel like I was there for her as she went through hers, and she definitely listened and was a good friend to me but since I’ve moved out it’s like she’s dropped me.
Twice this year I’ve messaged her to let her know I’m struggling, my father and my beloved dog died within a week of each other was one time, and then the former husband became abusive and was manipulating our kids which really upset me, and both times she called to chat and said how sorry she was and that we should get together etc, and then nothing happens.
I feel like I’m not good enough to be her friend anymore or I’m too annoying or needy or something, and that’s why she doesn’t respond to me anymore.
 
OmgObsessed said:
I'm so jealous of other women that have a girl squad. I want to dress up and hit the town or go on trips together.
Click to expand...
Honestly, sometimes I think this…. But…. Then… I was out today at a friend’s hen do and she has lots of friends and I came to the conclusion that to have a squad or lots of girl friends you have to put up with a lot. I’m not very tolerant at all and found myself sliding out of conversations when I realised I was not with my type of people. I don’t think I’d last in a squad, I guess that’s what I’m saying 🤣 squad on my todd, ta.
 
I always had a decent group of friends throughout school and college etc. I had a good few friends at uni as well. This year it’s become really obvious that I don’t really have any close friends anymore, apart from my absolute best friend that I’ve known since I was 12.
Im getting married later this year and it’s brought all this to light because my side is considerably smaller than his.
I have 2 bridesmaids but one dropped out a few weeks ago due to her having a baby 3 months before and she doesn’t think she will be able to cope with the pressure of being a bridesmaid (I haven’t actually asked her to do anything other than turn up and wear a dress) but a little before that I felt like we were drifting a little bit,her daughter is at school now and she has her ‘mummy friends’ (I don’t have any children) so I feel like I’ve been left in the dust. It’s really upsetting that one of my best friends has just completely let me down. I said it was fine that she doesn’t want to be a bridesmaid as I’m not going to fall out over a wedding, but ever since we haven’t really spoken and I’m having to force a conversation with her all the time. Im just struggling, I think im a good friend but I don’t seem to be able to get that back if you know what I mean?
I didn’t think making friends and keeping them as an adult would be so complicated.
 
imnothungover said:
I always had a decent group of friends throughout school and college etc. I had a good few friends at uni as well. This year it’s become really obvious that I don’t really have any close friends anymore, apart from my absolute best friend that I’ve known since I was 12.
Im getting married later this year and it’s brought all this to light because my side is considerably smaller than his.
I have 2 bridesmaids but one dropped out a few weeks ago due to her having a baby 3 months before and she doesn’t think she will be able to cope with the pressure of being a bridesmaid (I haven’t actually asked her to do anything other than turn up and wear a dress) but a little before that I felt like we were drifting a little bit,her daughter is at school now and she has her ‘mummy friends’ (I don’t have any children) so I feel like I’ve been left in the dust. It’s really upsetting that one of my best friends has just completely let me down. I said it was fine that she doesn’t want to be a bridesmaid as I’m not going to fall out over a wedding, but ever since we haven’t really spoken and I’m having to force a conversation with her all the time. Im just struggling, I think im a good friend but I don’t seem to be able to get that back if you know what I mean?
I didn’t think making friends and keeping them as an adult would be so complicated.
Click to expand...
I know exactly what you mean, I’d like to think I’m a good friend but rarely get it back . I’ve got one Amazing friend. I’d be lost without her and she says the same. It’s a 2 way friendship. I’m used to 1 way.
She might not want to be a bridesmaid but that doesn’t mean she can’t still be involved. Maybe suggest a coffee date where you can ask for her ideas n opinions?
 
strawberrysunshine_x said:
I realised me and my friend have drifted a little when she asked if her other friend could come and I said I wasn’t keen. Since then we’ve barely spoke and I haven’t spoken to her since last Saturday which is our longest period of not talking.
do you think I should msg or just leave it ?
Click to expand...
I think if she’s a good friend to you it’s worth reaching out. What did she say when you said you weren’t keen?
 
strawberrysunshine_x said:
She just said oh it’s fine and then was a bit off
So she text me before whilst I was getting my little boy to bed and she just moaned about her boyfriend. Standard 😂😂
Click to expand...
I think that sounds pretty natural! My friend has a habit of dating “let’s meet up!” But doesn’t tell you she’s also invited the world and it’s dog - or in her case, her annoying, boring husband, and all her annoying and weird friends. I had to make a point to her one day that I was really only interested in seeing her and maybe we could just meet up 1:1!

so are you two okay again now?
 
imnothungover said:
I always had a decent group of friends throughout school and college etc. I had a good few friends at uni as well. This year it’s become really obvious that I don’t really have any close friends anymore, apart from my absolute best friend that I’ve known since I was 12.
Im getting married later this year and it’s brought all this to light because my side is considerably smaller than his.
I have 2 bridesmaids but one dropped out a few weeks ago due to her having a baby 3 months before and she doesn’t think she will be able to cope with the pressure of being a bridesmaid (I haven’t actually asked her to do anything other than turn up and wear a dress) but a little before that I felt like we were drifting a little bit,her daughter is at school now and she has her ‘mummy friends’ (I don’t have any children) so I feel like I’ve been left in the dust. It’s really upsetting that one of my best friends has just completely let me down. I said it was fine that she doesn’t want to be a bridesmaid as I’m not going to fall out over a wedding, but ever since we haven’t really spoken and I’m having to force a conversation with her all the time. Im just struggling, I think im a good friend but I don’t seem to be able to get that back if you know what I mean?
I didn’t think making friends and keeping them as an adult would be so complicated.
Click to expand...
With regard to your pregnant bridesmaid flaking on you just for a different perspective (if that’s helpful which it might not be) it’s likely not necessarily the having to physically do anything, but I’m guessing the pressure to be able to fit into the dress you’ll have picked out for her to wear and the chance the baby might be screaming the venue down wanting to be breastfed and the risk of milk leakage onto the dress etc. Is it possible she can tell you’re not pleased she flaked on you/ guilty conscience type of thing and that’s why she’s gone quiet? I can definitely relate though. I asked 2 people for drinks at my mums the night before my wedding and one said no, I can’t get childcare (I strongly don’t think she asked) and the other said she couldn’t because of her period. Spent my night crying to random strangers on livejournal.
 
Duck Face said:
With regard to your pregnant bridesmaid flaking on you just for a different perspective (if that’s helpful which it might not be) it’s likely not necessarily the having to physically do anything, but I’m guessing the pressure to be able to fit into the dress you’ll have picked out for her to wear and the chance the baby might be screaming the venue down wanting to be breastfed and the risk of milk leakage onto the dress etc. Is it possible she can tell you’re not pleased she flaked on you/ guilty conscience type of thing and that’s why she’s gone quiet? I can definitely relate though. I asked 2 people for drinks at my mums the night before my wedding and one said no, I can’t get childcare (I strongly don’t think she asked) and the other said she couldn’t because of her period. Spent my night crying to random strangers on livejournal.
Click to expand...
I completely understand that, but to be honest she’s been the only person who’s made issues throughout the whole process (even before she was pregnant) making excuses, flaking last minute, trying to make it about her etc. I’ve been quite chilled out about it the whole time and just give in to her/ let her do whatever because I cannot be arsed with the drama. And don’t get me wrong I am happy about the fact that she is pregnant obviously, her other child and I get on so well. I do find it easier for friends to flake out/ make excuses about not doing stuff when they have children though, like you say about your friend probably not even asking for childcare in the first place.
I feel like I’ve always been there for her through loads of stuff that’s gone on in her life over the past few years, got her a job at the place I work at (to which she flaked a few months later and said it wasn’t worth it) and now when I’d like her support/input (even just her opinion on things) she doesn’t reply or you can tell she just isn’t bothered about it (this doesn’t even just apply to the wedding tbh)
Maybe it’s just time I accepted that we’re not as good friends as I thought, but it is hard when I classed her as one of my best friends and she obviously doesn’t
 
imnothungover said:
I completely understand that, but to be honest she’s been the only person who’s made issues throughout the whole process (even before she was pregnant) making excuses, flaking last minute, trying to make it about her etc. I’ve been quite chilled out about it the whole time and just give in to her/ let her do whatever because I cannot be arsed with the drama. And don’t get me wrong I am happy about the fact that she is pregnant obviously, her other child and I get on so well. I do find it easier for friends to flake out/ make excuses about not doing stuff when they have children though, like you say about your friend probably not even asking for childcare in the first place.
I feel like I’ve always been there for her through loads of stuff that’s gone on in her life over the past few years, got her a job at the place I work at (to which she flaked a few months later and said it wasn’t worth it) and now when I’d like her support/input (even just her opinion on things) she doesn’t reply or you can tell she just isn’t bothered about it (this doesn’t even just apply to the wedding tbh)
Maybe it’s just time I accepted that we’re not as good friends as I thought, but it is hard when I classed her as one of my best friends and she obviously doesn’t
Click to expand...
It was very kind of you to get her a job at your workplace. Flaking on that was not at all fair on you. I can’t stand flaky people. It’s really sad when you get to the point that you feel a friendship has become a one way street.
 
WeHadFunRight said:
I think that sounds pretty natural! My friend has a habit of dating “let’s meet up!” But doesn’t tell you she’s also invited the world and it’s dog - or in her case, her annoying, boring husband, and all her annoying and weird friends. I had to make a point to her one day that I was really only interested in seeing her and maybe we could just meet up 1:1!

so are you two okay again now?
Click to expand...
Hmmm not really. I mean we have chatted a bit this week but it’s mainly her moaning about how tit her bf is ( yet posts on fb how great he is for Father’s Day) she never replies when it’s something I’m saying about myself.
feel like all she wants to do is have someone to vent to about her crappy fella
 
How would you feel If you knew someone was talking about you behind your back ?
A neighbour “b”who was pretty close to a few years ago has been talkin to another neighbour about me. This neighbour(b) has worked out how this neighbour(a) works…..only wants you when she needs something, I’ve helped her so much over the years, lent her money, took her places, use my phone even given her the WiFi code! Since lockdown i worked it iut she was a user type friend.
This neighbour (a)has moved next door but one to me, so we see each other more along with other neighbours ( she moved from the back to the front) but the other (b)one doesn’t like it.
she’s shouted over to us aimed at me “ your garden is a mess now compared to “a” garden. Poor “a”didn’t know what to say or do. So has witnessed her being nasty to me. I can’t work out what she can if said about me,
Would you ask neighbour “a” what was said? Ot just leave it and carry on?
im gonna be nice to neighbour “b”cos that’s the type of person I am, but only gonna say hi n bye etc as ad when I see her.
B has been in the same situation and has helped her out so much in the last year, and is annoyed she has fallen for it.
 
So
Sorry that’s not made any sense 🙈 I’ve got neighbour an and b mixed up
---
~vix~83~ said:
How would you feel If you knew someone was talking about you behind your back ?
A neighbour “b”who was pretty close to a few years ago has been talkin to another neighbour about me. This neighbour(b) has worked out how this neighbour(a) works…..only wants you when she needs something, I’ve helped her so much over the years, lent her money, took her places, use my phone even given her the WiFi code! Since lockdown i worked it iut she was a user type friend.
This neighbour (a)has moved next door but one to me, so we see each other more along with other neighbours ( she moved from the back to the front) but the other (b)one doesn’t like it.
she’s shouted over to us aimed at me “ your garden is a mess now compared to “a” garden. Poor “a”didn’t know what to say or do. So has witnessed her being nasty to me. I can’t work out what she can if said about me,
Would you ask neighbour “a” what was said? Ot just leave it and carry on?
im gonna be nice to neighbour “b”cos that’s the type of person I am, but only gonna say hi n bye etc as ad when I see her.
B has been in the same situation and has helped her out so much in the last year, and is annoyed she has fallen for it.
Click to expand...
Basically a has been nice to me and lives next door now, and b has been talkin behide my back.
the last sentence should be a has been in the same situation and is gonna start building a wall between them so she doesn’t get used again.
 
~vix~83~ said:
So
Sorry that’s not made any sense 🙈 I’ve got neighbour an and b mixed up
---

Basically a has been nice to me and lives next door now, and b has been talkin behide my back.
the last sentence should be a has been in the same situation and is gonna start building a wall between them so she doesn’t get used again.
Click to expand...
Honestly, I think just move on from the nasty neighbour. Finding out what was said will not make you feel better. Her actions are her own responsibility and it sounds as though she is alienating herself and people are becoming wise to her behaviour. Concentrate on what’s in front of you instead of what an immature neighbour is doing x
 
WeHadFunRight said:
Honestly, I think just move on from the nasty neighbour. Finding out what was said will not make you feel better. Her actions are her own responsibility and it sounds as though she is alienating herself and people are becoming wise to her behaviour. Concentrate on what’s in front of you instead of what an immature neighbour is doing x
Click to expand...
Thank you that’s my thinking. Just needed to let off steam. I know she can be nasty n say stuff that’s not true I’ve been there when she’s said about other people. She always blames not takin her medication. It doesn’t surpsie me but can’t think what she could of said. Im a sensitive person n overthinking it. We’ve all been fooled by her. Im gonna carry on being me. I know who my friends are.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top