Does anyone hate their job? #3

[Codiaeum]

I wonder whether they will say you and your other colleague are in the same position and they aren’t complaining? I just know she’s the kind of person to say something like that. How could I respond? Just say I’m sorry but they aren’t complaining because they are sucking it up and it’s not an ideal working situation at all. Also they shouldn’t say so and so isn’t complaining as I think each individuals concern is valid and shouldn’t be compared. Yeah I am looking for something new and I cannot wait to hand my notice in hopefully. I will be so relieved

Asking why you and not others complain would just be adding another red flag, as it’s turning the story to make you out as the problem. In case you do bring it up and get that sort of thing thrown at you, I would try to point out that you and not somebody else is having the meeting right now, you are not there to discuss other people’s perspective on this, nor do you know whether it was brought up.
In case you think it might help, lay out some points prior to the meeting, just for yourself to “train” having the conversation so it’s not hitting you out of the blue.

 

[didisaythatoutloudoops]

I just entirely fucked up a document that went to print. It went through rounds of revision, I'd be working on it non-stop without fresh eyes at any point, and it went to print with a few typos and general style things that were just sloppy. My boss is furious and although they aren't pulling it entirely, I feel awful for letting them down. I held my hands up and said I'd pay for a reprint out of my wages, but they just insisted on the digital version being fixed up.

The problem is I've gone from toxic job to toxic job and I now can't seem to rationalise any kind of mistake - I worry myself into a panic attack thinking I'm going to get fired over almost everything now. I think how tight money is at the moment for me doesn't help either (my daughter has a newborn and I'm doing my best to support). Anyone gone through this work anxiety and has any tips?

 

[FoksiOska]

For the first time in many, many years I'm going to bed with that Sunday night dread. I've enjoyed my job until recently. It's becoming a complete micro-managing nightmare and I can't seem to do anything right at the moment. So utterly fed up of all the bullshit.

 

[Gossip101xoxo]

Just a rant really, I’m on holiday and dreading going back. I was up at 6 today thinking about work and checking my emails and documents. I think I’m dreading because I’m going to be busy going back, and i made a mistake with something that I’m going to have to deal with when I’m back. I’ve been making a few mistakes recently and I just feel I have no mentor or support. I feel like I’m not at the stage I should be in my career because no one has really given a duck about me and my training for about the last 2/3 years!

 

[Jas28]

Just a rant really, I’m on holiday and dreading going back. I was up at 6 today thinking about work and checking my emails and documents. I think I’m dreading because I’m going to be busy going back, and i made a mistake with something that I’m going to have to deal with when I’m back. I’ve been making a few mistakes recently and I just feel I have no mentor or support. I feel like I’m not at the stage I should be in my career because no one has really given a duck about me and my training for about the last 2/3 years!

Have you spoken to anyone at work about it and see what they say. If not you might have to look for other opportunities elsewhere

 

[StrawberryBanana90]

Where would you guys say the best place to look for jobs is? I feel like Indeed and Linkedin are quite dry at the moment - this may just be the market though!
I'm so desperate to leave my current place but I don't want to jump into something equally crappy

 

[Codiaeum]

Where would you guys say the best place to look for jobs is? I feel like Indeed and Linkedin are quite dry at the moment - this may just be the market though!
I'm so desperate to leave my current place but I don't want to jump into something equally crappy

I'd say it depends on the type of job - never got on with Indeed, but LinkedIn has been okay for me, albeit time-consuming. I work in Tech and have found Trueup.io the best yet, so much quicker to use and good filtering options. doesn't cost anything to sign up, I've been recommending this site left and right because I liked it so much better. It's US-centric, but they do list job worldwide.

 

[StrawberryBanana90]

I'd say it depends on the type of job - never got on with Indeed, but LinkedIn has been okay for me, albeit time-consuming. I work in Tech and have found Trueup.io the best yet, so much quicker to use and good filtering options. doesn't cost anything to sign up, I've been recommending this site left and right because I liked it so much better. It's US-centric, but they do list job worldwide.

Thanks! It's mainly for office manager/admin roles. So many look decent on the job description but then when you go to their actual website it's part time or something and no one is very generous with pay either

 

[Codiaeum]

Thanks! It's mainly for office manager/admin roles. So many look decent on the job description but then when you go to their actual website it's part time or something and no one is very generous with pay either

Yeah, I know what you mean, it's so often hidden in the fine-print! Maybe do give this TrueUp page a shot, while it's engineering-heavy, there are some listings for office managers or similar roles there, e.g. right now I see 22 for London for Office Manager. Probably needs some more filtering, but at least there are some listings.

 

[tomato_paste]

@Codiaeum since you're tech too, what do you think I should do to pivot away from a purely dev role to more of a system / software architect role? Do you have any wisdom to impart?

 

[Codiaeum]

@Codiaeum since you're tech too, what do you think I should do to pivot away from a purely dev role to more of a system / software architect role? Do you have any wisdom to impart?

From what I see recently one of the obvious choices is going more into Machine Learning Engineer, however I suspect that market might be close to satiated soon, I've heard some MLE friends say that the low-balling of salaries has started to happen. Definitely not seeing enough Data Engineers, which is a shame, as many things would run so much smoother if a DE had put it together. System or Software Architect also both very valuable, I guess this one depends a bit more on whether you can see yourself enjoying less actual coding work. I know it's a role that was often deemed "not needed" in the last few years, but it looks like people are rethinking that approach - which I think is smart, I've seen too many systems that frankly lack any sort of bigger picture.

 

[tomato_paste]

From what I see recently one of the obvious choices is going more into Machine Learning Engineer, however I suspect that market might be close to satiated soon, I've heard some MLE friends say that the low-balling of salaries has started to happen. Definitely not seeing enough Data Engineers, which is a shame, as many things would run so much smoother if a DE had put it together. System or Software Architect also both very valuable, I guess this one depends a bit more on whether you can see yourself enjoying less actual coding work. I know it's a role that was often deemed "not needed" in the last few years, but it looks like people are rethinking that approach - which I think is smart, I've seen too many systems that frankly lack any sort of bigger picture.

I agree on the ML part. Data Engineer sounds interesting, but I'm honestly most interested in System / Software Architecture - I like having the bigger picture, like keeping a high level overview. Digging deep into the bowels of a system used to be fun, but it's gotten boring now. The most fun I had recently was when I was allowed to design and implement a completely new API, so that's what gave me the idea.

 

[Jas28]

I have come to rant again. I’ve just seen the colleague of mine who no wonder doesn’t complain, she has outstanding reports which have not been updated in a few months. No one has said anything to her about this. If my reports aren’t updated at least every few weeks I would be chased, and be made to feel like I’m failing! Which has affected me mentally. I was doing fine all along and I knew this in myself but when you are chased relentlessly by email on things which are up to date and minimal if affects you. What do you call that? Why do they bother me with up to date work and not the person slacking??? I don’t even think they bother to check her work, but she is on her way out so maybe that’s why. Also the manager is quite inconsiderate towards me which I can only see is done purposely. My colleague and I both have a child but in email manager has addressed her to say “ subject to so and so having childcare I understand she has a child” without mentioning that I also do as well so basically just ignored that fact.

 

[ot55]

I’m trying to find another job at the moment as I’m so unhappy, but it’s really hard. I don’t think it helps that it’s the run up to Christmas, but it feels like there are no good jobs out there at the moment.

I work in marketing and everything I’m seeing at the moment is either horribly under paid or part time.

 

[jojida]

It's been a while since I last posted in this thread and as a quick recap, I started a job in 2021 which was perfect, I was working in admin and loved it but the work dried up big time and I was bored so moved to a trainee, professional service role. I really struggled at first and I found it got a bit easier, but recently I've been massively struggling again. I feel like I am consumed by work, I always get in an hour early to start just to catch up and do loads of work on weekends, on top of also having to study for exams.

I am drowning. I don't think I even like my job and I don't want to spend the next three years, minimum, doing study for exams. I had it SO easy before in the admin role and now I am kicking myself. I hate my job, if I really am honest.

I'm now faced with the dilemma of should I wait, or should I stick with it and see if, in a few exams time, it gets easier and I manage to just get along with it all? I'm also facing grief big time at the moment and I should have taken more time off of work but couldn't afford not to get paid. I'm clinging on by a thread to the thought of having two weeks off at Christmas but honestly, I'm one small inconvenience away from just having a mental breakdown here.

 

[didisaythatoutloudoops]

It's been a while since I last posted in this thread and as a quick recap, I started a job in 2021 which was perfect, I was working in admin and loved it but the work dried up big time and I was bored so moved to a trainee, professional service role. I really struggled at first and I found it got a bit easier, but recently I've been massively struggling again. I feel like I am consumed by work, I always get in an hour early to start just to catch up and do loads of work on weekends, on top of also having to study for exams.

I am drowning. I don't think I even like my job and I don't want to spend the next three years, minimum, doing study for exams. I had it SO easy before in the admin role and now I am kicking myself. I hate my job, if I really am honest.

I'm now faced with the dilemma of should I wait, or should I stick with it and see if, in a few exams time, it gets easier and I manage to just get along with it all? I'm also facing grief big time at the moment and I should have taken more time off of work but couldn't afford not to get paid. I'm clinging on by a thread to the thought of having two weeks off at Christmas but honestly, I'm one small inconvenience away from just having a mental breakdown here.

I can completely understand how you feel. I think the best thing you can do is map out your options and see what realistically would work best. Is there any way you can, in your current role, return to your previous job? Would your line manager be open to discussing your overwhelming work load? Would finding a new job in your field be something easy/possible?

If it were me, I would look first at whether I can voice these issues to my manager. If they aren't willing to listen then I think finding a new job is worth it - there's usually a big rush to hire around the new years (with a new budget) so now is a good time to prep your CV and get ready.

 

[WeepingCassandra]

I've got a job interview this week for a job I'd absolutely love to have, but I just cannot make it work with our family set up.

Aside from this being my dream job, in a field I love but cannot work in in our current area for a few reasons (job scarcity being one), there are so many other bonuses to this job. We live (currently) 80 odd miles away from our parents. It's a 2 - 2.5 hour one way trip to them, so if we go and see them and the traffic is busy we're often stuck in the car for 5 or so hours. This job is a town over from our parents area, so we'd potentially be within 45 minutes of both sets. It would make a huge improvement to our quality of life and to our toddler's life, to be able to see his grandparents much more often than we do now, and to be truly 'poppable' rather than having to plan months in advance when we're going to see people as we need to be there for more than a couple of hours to make it worthwhile. Our toddler is also incredibly travel sick and today has thrown up twice on this journey, which is becoming very common. If we travel within 2 hours of him eating, he'll vom if we're in the car more than an hour. He no longer naps in the car, so we have to be mindful of that too, as if we set off at the wrong time, he won't nap at all that day. Obviously he will (hopefully!) grow out of that but for now it's a huge issue we have to manage.

The area of the new job is unfortunately though in a much higher cost of living area, and anywhere that is financially accessible to us is going to be over 45 minutes commute for me. It is also longer hours, so potentially I could be out of the house from 6:45am to 7:15pm or later, depending on traffic (the city the new job is in is awful for car traffic. I would have to drive as it has a community element to the service, and it is a specific of the role that the post holder drives their own car for work purposes). They also work on a rolling 7 day a week service, which is impossible to fit around childcare as my OH would be commuting an hour each way for his job too. I have also heard through colleagues who've been to work in this Trust and returned to my current one that parking on site is non-existent even if your car is required for the job and there is no on street parking for at least 1.5 miles around the hospital.

Gutted. I'll still do the interview and have a discussion with them about whether it would work, but I'm wary about them promising accommodations such as set days or shorter hours and then finding that either they can't stick to it or actually the situation with the parking and traffic is far worse than we've been told and I'm now driving hours every working day to find I can't park my car.

 

[tomato_paste]

I've got a job interview this week for a job I'd absolutely love to have, but I just cannot make it work with our family set up.

Aside from this being my dream job, in a field I love but cannot work in in our current area for a few reasons (job scarcity being one), there are so many other bonuses to this job. We live (currently) 80 odd miles away from our parents. It's a 2 - 2.5 hour one way trip to them, so if we go and see them and the traffic is busy we're often stuck in the car for 5 or so hours. This job is a town over from our parents area, so we'd potentially be within 45 minutes of both sets. It would make a huge improvement to our quality of life and to our toddler's life, to be able to see his grandparents much more often than we do now, and to be truly 'poppable' rather than having to plan months in advance when we're going to see people as we need to be there for more than a couple of hours to make it worthwhile. Our toddler is also incredibly travel sick and today has thrown up twice on this journey, which is becoming very common. If we travel within 2 hours of him eating, he'll vom if we're in the car more than an hour. He no longer naps in the car, so we have to be mindful of that too, as if we set off at the wrong time, he won't nap at all that day. Obviously he will (hopefully!) grow out of that but for now it's a huge issue we have to manage.

The area of the new job is unfortunately though in a much higher cost of living area, and anywhere that is financially accessible to us is going to be over 45 minutes commute for me. It is also longer hours, so potentially I could be out of the house from 6:45am to 7:15pm or later, depending on traffic (the city the new job is in is awful for car traffic. I would have to drive as it has a community element to the service, and it is a specific of the role that the post holder drives their own car for work purposes). They also work on a rolling 7 day a week service, which is impossible to fit around childcare as my OH would be commuting an hour each way for his job too. I have also heard through colleagues who've been to work in this Trust and returned to my current one that parking on site is non-existent even if your car is required for the job and there is no on street parking for at least 1.5 miles around the hospital.

Gutted. I'll still do the interview and have a discussion with them about whether it would work, but I'm wary about them promising accommodations such as set days or shorter hours and then finding that either they can't stick to it or actually the situation with the parking and traffic is far worse than we've been told and I'm now driving hours every working day to find I can't park my car.

Oof that job is throwing up so many yellow flags!
1. Driving your own car - always a bad one. If the job requires a car, they should provide you one. The wear and tear on your car is never compensated by what jobs pay for usage of yours. Can you reasonably see yourself saving enough with this new job to afford a car and more maintenance sooner? I'd definitely calculate that properly, there's example calculations out there that will tell you how much a mile will cost you. So really look into it to see if that is truly worth it.

2. The parking. Not an issue that is easily solved either. Even assuming you find a spot, you'd leave it again to do your work and probably will have to do the same song and dance every time.

3. Higher COL. With the way things are going at the moment, this could escalate further. Would you be able to afford it?

4. The commute combined with the longer hours. Would you be truly happy in a job that will leave you no time to see your child on the days you'll be working? Assume your commute will take more time than you think it will. Nobody stops exactly on the dot ever, and driving can take longer than estimated because of dumb reasons - a lorry blocking the road bc they're unloading stuff, somebody being unable to park and needing 10 gos at it, a traffic collision, snow, rain, etc and so on.

The only benefit I'm seeing is that it will be less far to the grandparents, but honestly it's a bit harsh that they expect you to drive to them all the time when you're the one with a toddler. Can they come to you instead of you going to them? They're without a carsick child and might have an easier time of driving. Or could you meet in the middle at a family friendly location? A zoo, a play area, ...

I'm not sure if you truly want to see the grandparents so often or if that is a thing that's been normalised, but do be cognizant of the fact that a relationship with your toddler is not just on you to keep alive, it's on them too. I don't know if that's hash, I apologise if I misread the situation!

 

[didisaythatoutloudoops]

Oof that job is throwing up so many yellow flags!
1. Driving your own car - always a bad one. If the job requires a car, they should provide you one. The wear and tear on your car is never compensated by what jobs pay for usage of yours. Can you reasonably see yourself saving enough with this new job to afford a car and more maintenance sooner? I'd definitely calculate that properly, there's example calculations out there that will tell you how much a mile will cost you. So really look into it to see if that is truly worth it.

2. The parking. Not an issue that is easily solved either. Even assuming you find a spot, you'd leave it again to do your work and probably will have to do the same song and dance every time.

3. Higher COL. With the way things are going at the moment, this could escalate further. Would you be able to afford it?

4. The commute combined with the longer hours. Would you be truly happy in a job that will leave you no time to see your child on the days you'll be working? Assume your commute will take more time than you think it will. Nobody stops exactly on the dot ever, and driving can take longer than estimated because of dumb reasons - a lorry blocking the road bc they're unloading stuff, somebody being unable to park and needing 10 gos at it, a traffic collision, snow, rain, etc and so on.

The only benefit I'm seeing is that it will be less far to the grandparents, but honestly it's a bit harsh that they expect you to drive to them all the time when you're the one with a toddler. Can they come to you instead of you going to them? They're without a carsick child and might have an easier time of driving. Or could you meet in the middle at a family friendly location? A zoo, a play area, ...

I'm not sure if you truly want to see the grandparents so often or if that is a thing that's been normalised, but do be cognizant of the fact that a relationship with your toddler is not just on you to keep alive, it's on them too. I don't know if that's hash, I apologise if I misread the situation!

I think you're 100% right here and I second all of it. As a new grandmother I'm the one who goes to my daughter, to make things easier on them. I think the real pin here is whether the grandparents would be willing, or able, to take on regular childcare - that is what is going to make or break the situation. If the answer is no, then I think your decision will be a lot easier - and weigh a lot less on your shoulders. It's fair that they wouldn't want to, but they also have to understand that you can't therefore move closer. If they are open to it, sit down with them and work through what it would look like in practice - picking up toddler from daycare, looking after them overnight, etc.

 

[WeepingCassandra]

Oof that job is throwing up so many yellow flags!
1. Driving your own car - always a bad one. If the job requires a car, they should provide you one. The wear and tear on your car is never compensated by what jobs pay for usage of yours. Can you reasonably see yourself saving enough with this new job to afford a car and more maintenance sooner? I'd definitely calculate that properly, there's example calculations out there that will tell you how much a mile will cost you. So really look into it to see if that is truly worth it.

2. The parking. Not an issue that is easily solved either. Even assuming you find a spot, you'd leave it again to do your work and probably will have to do the same song and dance every time.

3. Higher COL. With the way things are going at the moment, this could escalate further. Would you be able to afford it?

4. The commute combined with the longer hours. Would you be truly happy in a job that will leave you no time to see your child on the days you'll be working? Assume your commute will take more time than you think it will. Nobody stops exactly on the dot ever, and driving can take longer than estimated because of dumb reasons - a lorry blocking the road bc they're unloading stuff, somebody being unable to park and needing 10 gos at it, a traffic collision, snow, rain, etc and so on.

The only benefit I'm seeing is that it will be less far to the grandparents, but honestly it's a bit harsh that they expect you to drive to them all the time when you're the one with a toddler. Can they come to you instead of you going to them? They're without a carsick child and might have an easier time of driving. Or could you meet in the middle at a family friendly location? A zoo, a play area, ...

I'm not sure if you truly want to see the grandparents so often or if that is a thing that's been normalised, but do be cognizant of the fact that a relationship with your toddler is not just on you to keep alive, it's on them too. I don't know if that's hash, I apologise if I misread the situation!

You are exactly right on (almost) all of that! The car thing is quite common in community based NHS jobs. My current job does have a pooled car that we can use, but it's one car between 100 odd staff and if you need it and someone else already has it, you have to work around that. But my current role is slightly different. I believe mileage is paid at a fairly decent rate for people who drive their own cars in the community trust I'm looking at. That being said, you're completely right. The parking and commute is the biggest issue for me and neither of those will change. Actually, they're likely to get worse as the city the hospital is in is trying to commit to a car free centre which means there will be no driving at all within 2 miles of the hospital (I don't know how that'd work for ambulances etc.) and they're talking about building a new hospital building on one of the existing staff car parks... For this reason I have decided that I'll do the interview but am highly unlikely to take the job.

Our parents don't expect us to drive to them all the time, it's just the easier option as all our siblings live that side of the country as well (my sister is about an hour East of my parents, my OHs siblings are 20 minutes North and 30 minutes South East of his parents, and our parents live within 5 miles of each other). My Dad has commitments every Saturday in football season as he coaches a non-league side and my Mum doesn't drive now so from September to June we're stuck with not seeing them really, unless there's no match on (I know, I know, this is a continued argument I've had with my Dad for years, as it's not a new problem and he should prioritise family over football, but he won't). As well as that, my Dad's not retired yet so we're limited on when they can come down as he needs to bring her (they do, to be fair to them, come down fairly regularly, and my Mum actually stayed over recently for a few nights). My mother in law also doesn't drive and my father in law has a really active social life with lots of activities planned in advance so it's tricky to fit them in too as it's always a day long affair. I haven't seen my sister and her children since May and won't see them at Christmas because it's over 3 hours to drive to hers from where we are now and neither of us are able to make the journey. We're over towards the South West and they're quite close to London so all that's in the middle is rolling, expensive countryside with a few very expensive farm parks. N.

I just want my children to grow up popping round Nannies for dinner on a Friday evening, or have their grandparents watching their Sunday morning football matches, or in the holidays meet up with my in laws for an afternoon out with all our kids without having to organise it months in advance and have one of us make a compromise on who goes where. A huge part of it is that I grew up driving 2 hours each way to see my grandparents and I just resented being sat in the car for 4 hours once a month rather than enjoyed seeing them. ETA: I don't want to be closer for childcare purposes, I have always wanted to move back even before we had our little one, and it breaks my heart every time we visit and have to leave. Always has, always will.

It has though, got my OH seriously thinking about whether he could find a job that is fully remote, which would give us the option to move closer to them anyway, as there are WFH options for me (that I'm not particularly keen on - it would be PIP/WCA assessment roles mainly) I could fit around childcare.