Aunty Pat’s fictional family tree stories. Let those Careless whispers free!

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MediumLoad said:
I think you'll find it was his man cave. Now Pat has it as she needs an 'office' for her new venture selling her own unique brand of fast fashion items.

Yes, it's the usual Temu and Shein stuff but Pat reckons nobody will be any wiser.

Her 'office' is crammed floor to ceiling with stock.

Now she just needs a marketing campaign, a witty slogan and she's well on her way to her first million.

Dennis' suggestion of "Pat's Online Tat" hasn't gone down too well and he's only just back in the marital bed after two weeks solitary in the spare room.
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Oh no. Not another business venture. Pat still hasn’t sold all those wax melts leftover from that MLM that Sharon from Zumba convinced her to sign up for.
 
Mr Krabs said:
Oh no. Not another business venture. Pat still hasn’t sold all those wax melts leftover from that MLM that Sharon from Zumba convinced her to sign up for.
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That was after she convinced Dennis to chip in for the Cricut wasn’t it? There’s still a load of those Christmas glasses with a Disney style font on under the stairs. If you go round she always tells everyone “put your coat on a chair, don’t open under the stairs”, because one time Old Ev came round and was straight under there, only a load fell out and sliced her toe open where it was sticking out of her orthopaedic sandal. Dennis called her “sweeney pat” for about two weeks until she snapped and hit him with with a bag of frozen fish fillets right in the nose. There’s still a slight blood stain in the kitchen rug from that.
 
Always chasing the £££s she made in the 80's hosting Ann Summers parties 🙁 She was making enough to take Dennis and the kids to Benidorm 3 times a year until that incident in The White Lion party with Big Pam, a Rampant Rabbit and the bar manager. Sandra, the area manager, had to let her go after that. She did knock up her own range of underwear but never made 1 sale for some reason

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When her kiddies were little, Pat worked as a dinner lady. She thought the job was OK until that Jamie Oliver came round to complain about nutrition and this and that. Here’s Pat on the first day that they had to try out his new menu.

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However, she was spurred on to take that part time computer course and finally got her dream job as a GP receptionist.
 
MaineCoonMama said:
Aunty Pat's Easter cake, it made little Sharvaughan cry.

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Pat had to cobble this together with stuff she found in the Co-Op at the last minute, as she’d completely forgotten she was going to make a cake for the family gathering. She was seriously hanging too, having gone round Sandra’s the night before for Easter cocktails. Sandra’s specialty is a mini egg martini, which is just a wine glass full of baileys with a mini egg on top.
 
Mr Krabs said:
Pat had to cobble this together with stuff she found in the Co-Op at the last minute, as she’d completely forgotten she was going to make a cake for the family gathering. She was seriously hanging too, having gone round Sandra’s the night before for Easter cocktails. Sandra’s specialty is a mini egg martini, which is just a wine glass full of baileys with a mini egg on top.
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Pat finds them incredibly classy and irresistible.

Which is why she fell in the door drunk at 1.45 am and decided to make one herself using what she had to hand.

A microwaved creme egg and prosecco gone flat served in an unwashed coffee mug was the closest she could manage. She only downed half it before projectile vomiting it all over the kitchen island and staggered off to bed leaving it for Dennis to find later.
 
MediumLoad said:
Pat finds them incredibly classy and irresistible.

Which is why she fell in the door drunk at 1.45 am and decided to make one herself using what she had to hand.

A microwaved creme egg and prosecco gone flat served in an unwashed coffee mug was the closest she could manage. She only downed half it before projectile vomiting it all over the kitchen island and staggered off to bed leaving it for Dennis to find later.
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The local FB chat is still swirling around this, word is, "the mug was a giant-sized one", but the only person who could know that is Big Pam, after the Sports Direct Secret Santa fall-out of 2009...



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Hold my beans said:
Aunty Pat here talking about growing up in the 70s, the six months Dennis disappeared after going to the shop for a packet of fags, and how she's managed to get tickets for every date of the Satus Quo World Tour

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Dennis only claimed he was going out for a packet of fags.

The truth was he, and a minibus full of his pub mates were off to Spain for the 1982 World Cup, England back in contention for the first time in over a decade, how could he not?

Pat wouldn't let him go as there was to be no foreign holiday that year as she wanted a kitchen extension styled by Laura Ashley and that was it.

So Dennis planned it all in secret, left for Spain, and planned to send Pat a postcard once he got there.

He never saw a single game. Fell in with some likely lads and wound up smuggling contraband tobacco and counterfeit denims via a fishing village near Malaga.

Unfortunately, Dennis said a bit too much in the local cantina one evening and the gang was busted, apart from Dennis who drove for Gibraltar as fast as he could.

When he got back, he told Pat he had volunteered to go undercover as part of his job. Pat never really questioned this although she did wonder what kind of undercover work a council planning officer would be required to do. Especially when it results in a healthy tan and fluency in Spanish.

Dennis still gets a bit twitchy when on holiday if the Guardia Civil is anywhere nearby.
 
Hold my beans said:
Aunty Pat here talking about growing up in the 70s, the six months Dennis disappeared after going to the shop for a packet of fags, and how she's managed to get tickets for every date of the Satus Quo World Tour

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It’s lovely that Pat got to finally wear this outfit. She bought those heels in Dorothy Perkins years ago and the leather trousers were from the Debenhams blue cross sale. But Dennis hated her wearing them because they made her look like a punk rocker. Now he’s gone she is letting her wild side free and can listen to her Sam Ryder CD in the car without him grumbling.
 
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