Ashley James #28 my body is Ada’s home, Alf’s is down the road

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What I don't understand is her reluctance to make new friends....she says all her friends live over 11/2 hrs away ( presumably in London?) and rarely sees them they're probably secretly pleased!
Says a lot about her then if her friends don't come and see her or that she hasn't made any new friendships since moving to a new area- it's so easy to make new friends when you have kids - you have a common bond and can get so much help and support from other mum ( and yes, dad ) friends
I moved 350 miles from previous home with a toddler and knew no one....wasn't working at the time and husband had a very intense job with little time for socialising
I joined a couple of toddler groups as well as a book group and gym and with a few months made friends , many of whom I still have 25 years later
Ash hasn't even made the effort to make friends and blames everyone but herself ....says more about her imo!
 
Cariad said:
Here we go again....if you really don't like this stage of parenting and really want to go back to "work" , then go to work and don't resent your children that you chose to have
it is perfectly possible to work and breastfeed!...millions of women have no choice....and honestly, breastfeeding your daughter on a street corner is not necessary!
.As I've mentioned numerous times on here, I went back to work full time as a HCP in a busy dialysis unit when my eldest was 16 weeks old , which involved commuting 50 miles/day ....I had no choice as maternity leave in the 90's was awful
I was still breastfeeding her , and had to leave her with childminder who tried numerous bottles/ teats before we found something that would work- daughter never could take a bottle from me! ....but I was lucky I was able to continue to breastfeed her for a year
Yes it was a struggle and took a lot of juggling/ organisation and , yes getting up at 6am to feed her , take her to childcare and then drive 25 miles for a full day of work...then do the same in reverse at end of the day and collapse on sofa to breastfeed her when we got in !by end of the day, my boobs would often leak on my scrubs
....I didn't have any family nearby to help and my husband was a jnr Dr working 100hrs/week so yes I I'd have the majority of the burden of childcare....but it wasn't anything to do with the patriarchy....it's just how it was ( my sister was a GP and husband a Consultant Cardiologist and they had 4 children but she also managed to work full time and they coped with their family situation too....it's how many families have to deal with work / childcare balance and it's what you have to accept if you both want decent careers)
What does she expect with 2 young kids? ....she has no friends nearby because she's not made the effort to integrate into the local community a brief trip,to the library once in a while doesn't count ....and like hell is she a good toddler mum, reading a book wile eyefucking yourself is not what real mums do!
They pawn their son off to anyone at the first opportunity!- we've never seen her go to a toddler group or have any local friends with toddlers at her house to play with Alf ....she could easily fit this into her "hectic' week
Once the kids go to school, she's really going to need/ rely on having some close friends to help with the after school situation because she'll soon find out how dire after school provision is for working parents! View attachment 2274483 qView attachment 2274484 q
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you're a marvel and don't be embarrassed about mentioning your story, it is inspiring and as you say what many working parents do in order to work and balance early years childcare. And about the toddler group thing - I'm also a broken record at this point but Alf is 2.5 years old, he need to be in a nursery, a proper educational setting where he is stimulated and engaged and where his development is front and centre of what they do. My parents were also working in hospitals - mum was part time but my brother grew up in the kindergarten outside the hospital, he was there from 3 months 3 days a week. we had infants, toddlers and preprimary - different classes where we were with other children our own age and provided with lots of developmentall appropriate activities. My parents also had legions of help - nanny, aupairs, our wonderful cleaner who saw us all into adulthood - they were paid properly and their contribution always acknowledged. because as you say it would be impossible without them. the childminder was a good stopgap for when Alf was very young and they'd just moved to Essex but he'll be three next year and he needs more than just being 'minded'...
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theaceofstace said:
This mama doth protest too much, methinks.
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Sage245 said:
Has she ever mentioned potty training Alf, or can she not be bothered?
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That will be the responsibility of Tommy and the childminder. She stuck a potty in the playroom. That will be her input. I hope he smears tit on her precious panelling
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She’ll be deathly silent as usual today as she tries to hide the fact Alf is in childcare on the day her and him used to have ‘adventures’. She’s had a whinge about Ada and Tommy. She’s got nothing left to whinge about 😂
 
The friend thing has always puzzled me too. I moved from London to countryside with a 2 year old and baby. Easiest way to make friends. 2 year old at a nursery 3 mornings a week, took baby to all sorts of different baby groups to find my tribe. So worth putting my career on hold for a bit, getting everyone settled and happy. We had very little money with only one salary but sitting in a friends house chatting whilst your children play together is free. And you know it’s for a short time before they go to school. And she has moved to Brentwood. It’s not exactly Siberia! There must be some ‘cool’ mums there. She just hasn’t tried.
 
Rocky Rosd said:
The friend thing has always puzzled me too. I moved from London to countryside with a 2 year old and baby. Easiest way to make friends. 2 year old at a nursery 3 mornings a week, took baby to all sorts of different baby groups to find my tribe. So worth putting my career on hold for a bit, getting everyone settled and happy. We had very little money with only one salary but sitting in a friends house chatting whilst your children play together is free. And you know it’s for a short time before they go to school. And she has moved to Brentwood. It’s not exactly Siberia! There must be some ‘cool’ mums there. She just hasn’t tried.
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Says a lot she never seems to socialise with Lucy Meck anymore
She must of had enough of her too 😂
 
As soon as my kids started nursery it was so easy to make friends with the other mums at drop off/pick up. Obviously Tommy does this. I hated baby groups, they aren’t for everyone! But I made an effort and swapped numbers with the other mums at nursery collection and at the park or softplay etc. I built friendships.

It’s not hard! They’ve been in Essex for years! She can’t say she hasn’t got a single friend in the area and then accept free expensive clothes from Lucy Meck. Insulting 😂🫠 She’s put herself on a pedestal above mums in general so she’d never make the effort. She’s a ‘working mum’ so why would she need to?
 
I'm actually baffled by her stories this morning. She resents Tommy because he goes to an office to work & she has to juggle working and childcare?!

No, you don't. You could put Ada in nursery / childminders for a few hours a week to get uninterrupted work. You could work when Ada is in bed, instead of watching trashy TV. You could still be on mat leave, spending time with ✨ baby girl ✨.

She does not have to juggle anthing. TNB goes to the office, deals with Alf and from what we see, does the lions share of everything. So I cannot possibly fathom how she has ended up resenting him?! If anything, he should resent her... Making him and Ada travel to Central London and stand outside for hours for a crappy DJ gig, not having anything to do with Alf.

She keeps going on about "gender roles" but she has documented that TNB does the "typical woman" stuff, whilst she swans about, dipping in and out of parenting when she needs content.


🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯
 
So she's driving to Cambridge for a last minute visit to friends....obviously had an hissy fit because TNB is away for stag weekend
Ada is in back of car , but of course, as per usual Alf is nowhere to be seen ....🙁
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Our really really good toddler mum Ash, setting the benchmark for toddler parenting. 10 mins a day of filming yourself fluttering your eyelashes while reading books to your toddler, that's all you need to be a really really good parent. Give them the basics - iPad, watermelon, alpro and ship them to an unregistered childminder to do the parenting. Then once said toddler is home let dad take over. You don't even need to get your hands dirty, no messy bathtime or dinner prep!
Maybe we are the fools for dedicating a whole day to looking after our kids. 10mins is the sweet spot according to Ash.. you won't even lose your patience!
 
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