Amanda Palmer

1
What I have been wondering recently is how much time does Neil actually spend with his son?

I don't follow Neil on any social media, I still have Amanda on Facebook. Every few days she posts pictures of Ash, maybe going on a trip somewhere, reading a book, playing piano etc. All normal kids stuff.

She never seems to mention him being with his dad at all. I don't know if she just doesn't mention those times, or if Ash is just always with her.

Everytime I see him being parised by the Internet I just start wondering why no one is asking him when he last spent time with Ash? What is he in to currently? What is his favourite story? Who is his best friend at school? I am not sure he could answer.
 
TheStrawberryThief said:
What I have been wondering recently is how much time does Neil actually spend with his son?

I don't follow Neil on any social media, I still have Amanda on Facebook. Every few days she posts pictures of Ash, maybe going on a trip somewhere, reading a book, playing piano etc. All normal kids stuff.

She never seems to mention him being with his dad at all. I don't know if she just doesn't mention those times, or if Ash is just always with her.

Everytime I see him being parised by the Internet I just start wondering why no one is asking him when he last spent time with Ash? What is he in to currently? What is his favourite story? Who is his best friend at school? I am not sure he could answer.
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I always got the impression that he didn’t spend any time with any of his children, but I may be wrong. Imagine being married to AFP though, legitimate nightmare.
 
Flibbertigibbet said:
Times article archived here: https://archive.ph/iAtvr

He legged it to the other side of the world during the pandemic, which meant his little kid was abandoned for nine months, and the people of Skye were put at risk by him swanning with potential germs. crappy thing to do, so I'd say it doesn't matter how obnoxious Amanda was, he will have to shoulder that blame forever. He's also much more accomplished and popular, though his stuff is not my cup of tea so I can't rate him, so he is/will be forgiven. I think they were made for each other really.
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Interesting quote from NG here (emphasis mine):

“Amanda,” he said, “is full of grand gestures. She throws surprise parties; she dresses up as living statues in public for a birthday surprise; she sprang a fake wedding ceremony on the streets of New Orleans for us . . . I got together with her because I couldn’t ever imagine being bored.”
He added: “Now that we’re fairly settled, there is nothing humdrum in our domestic set-up, for the simple reason that, with Amanda, nothing is ever hum or drum.”

The flip side of never being bored is that everything she does is for attention-seeking drama. She must be exhausting to live with.
TheStrawberryThief said:
What I have been wondering recently is how much time does Neil actually spend with his son?

I don't follow Neil on any social media, I still have Amanda on Facebook. Every few days she posts pictures of Ash, maybe going on a trip somewhere, reading a book, playing piano etc. All normal kids stuff.

She never seems to mention him being with his dad at all. I don't know if she just doesn't mention those times, or if Ash is just always with her.

Everytime I see him being parised by the Internet I just start wondering why no one is asking him when he last spent time with Ash? What is he in to currently? What is his favourite story? Who is his best friend at school? I am not sure he could answer.
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Has NG been spending most of his time in the UK with Good Omens 2 production work? Amanda lives in upstate New York, and his daughters live in the NYC area, so I imagine he'd settle close by. He lived in rural Wisconsin with his first wife, but he has no reason to move back there.
 
He has a house in Woodstock NY - I’m not sure if that is where Amanda lives now or nearby. I also think she is exhausting to be with all the time and that he is very old to have a young son. He has three older children who are around the US and he travels a lot.

They used to have an open marriage because they worked and travelled all the time so probably spent less time together. I think being stuck in a pandemic with their kid brought home a few truths about living together.
 
I agree. I think having to live like a normal, 'boring' couple must have come as a big shock to both of them.

I feel sorry for Ash. He has taken more flights in 7 years than many people take in a lifetime. Has already been uprooted and moved from multiple schools, countries and homes. Is it to much to ask that he gets to stay sometime and settle in, without having to make an entirely new friend group every few months?

Tbh I think a lot of celebrities do this to their kids. Children need stability to thrive. Of course you can be a parent and have a career, you just need to realise that once you have a child things are not all just about you anymore.
 
thegirlscout said:
Does anyone know why her and Neil split, he says it was his fault?
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At the time he made a blog post and said that he had hurt Amanda’s feelings badly.
I think she and him were all up for the open relationship thing (trying to be cool and subversive no doubt). I think when they had a child together, a lot of the emotional and physical labour fell on (surprise surprise) Amanda and Neil developed relationships with other women because like most men, his life remained relatively unchanged by having a baby.
I remember reading AP’s biography and there was this horrible but where she wrote about the first time she was sick when with him, he completely ignored her and wouldn’t engage. This was explained away by Amanda and she excused him for his crappy lack of compassion by using her usual psycho-babble but that made me feel cold.
Narcissistic behaviour often includes things like ignoring people when they are ill.
Another thing was when she had to make Christmas magical on her own because Neil found wrapping presents “triggering” and was going into “meltdown” about it all and I just thought what a bleeping man-child. News Flash Neil. Everyone finds Christmas hard. You just do it for the kids. Really lost any respect for him at this point. He’s just like any other old man of his generation who thinks he still gets to be sexy and exciting, with a fulfilling career when being a parent because the woman is expected to do everything.
That’s my take anyway.
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And… And (I’m on a roll now!) His insistence in having a room of one’s own to be a creative in is so at odds with family life and drenched in misogyny because women are always expected to just work around the bonkers sleep patterns of their children.

He illicits absolutely zero sympathy in me whatsoever. I’m sure he thought the cross pollination of each of their brands would be cooler and more lucrative than it was.

She is a professional over-sharer while he is the old school keep the fans guessing style of public persona. I felt that he found her breaking the forth wall of their lives very off putting and jarring. He likes to appeal to young goths! It’s not very cool to have the mundane aspects of your domestic life publicised on social media every five minutes. I felt that was a real area of tension for them.

I imagine it was all very exciting at first but Neil always held all the power because he was rich.

She never refers to him any more. I believe he’s done what all rich white powerful men do and gagged her with a NDA. Knowing she’s financially vulnerable and will need the money.

His relationship with Fiona Apple was unsettling at best and if I was AP I would have put a stop to that from day 1 because it made mockery out of AP.

At the end of the day he is just like any other middle classed, white powerful Brit. Abuses his power, gets everything he wants and pays for a good reputation.
 
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I just remembered something else about him that got to me at the time. I can remember Amanda posting a throw back picture of her a few years previously, she was wearing a pageboy hat. She joked that Neil had said it was a photo of her 'chubby lesbian' phase. It just seemed like a really off thing to say to your wife, even if she was passing it off as a joke.

I first became aware of Amanda when she released her first solo album and there was a whole thing about her record label not wanting to release the video as it showed her belly, and it was a very tiny belly, something most people would be happy with. Something no one should ever be ashamed of.

This makes it even weirder that he would say something like that to her.
 
brianbutterfield said:
At the time he made a blog post and said that he had hurt Amanda’s feelings badly.
I think she and him were all up for the open relationship thing (trying to be cool and subversive no doubt). I think when they had a child together, a lot of the emotional and physical labour fell on (surprise surprise) Amanda and Neil developed relationships with other women because like most men, his life remained relatively unchanged by having a baby.
I remember reading AP’s biography and there was this horrible but where she wrote about the first time she was sick when with him, he completely ignored her and wouldn’t engage. This was explained away by Amanda and she excused him for his crappy lack of compassion by using her usual psycho-babble but that made me feel cold.
Narcissistic behaviour often includes things like ignoring people when they are ill.
Another thing was when she had to make Christmas magical on her own because Neil found wrapping presents “triggering” and was going into “meltdown” about it all and I just thought what a bleeping man-child. News Flash Neil. Everyone finds Christmas hard. You just do it for the kids. Really lost any respect for him at this point. He’s just like any other old man of his generation who thinks he still gets to be sexy and exciting, with a fulfilling career when being a parent because the woman is expected to do everything.
That’s my take anyway.
---
And… And (I’m on a roll now!) His insistence in having a room of one’s own to be a creative in is so at odds with family life and drenched in misogyny because women are always expected to just work around the bonkers sleep patterns of their children.

He illicits absolutely zero sympathy in me whatsoever. I’m sure he thought the cross pollination of each of their brands would be cooler and more lucrative than it was.

She is a professional over-sharer while he is the old school keep the fans guessing style of public persona. I felt that he found her breaking the forth wall of their lives very off putting and jarring. He likes to appeal to young goths! It’s not very cool to have the mundane aspects of your domestic life publicised on social media every five minutes. I felt that was a real area of tension for them.

I imagine it was all very exciting at first but Neil always held all the power because he was rich.

She never refers to him any more. I believe he’s done what all rich white powerful men do and gagged her with a NDA. Knowing she’s financially vulnerable and will need the money.

His relationship with Fiona Apple was unsettling at best and if I was AP I would have put a stop to that from day 1 because it made mockery out of AP.

At the end of the day he is just like any other middle classed, white powerful Brit. Abuses his power, gets everything he wants and pays for a good reputation.
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I agree with everything you said and don’t understand why he’s so popular. I liked a couple of his books well enough but there’s something creepy and sanctimonious about him, he never seems sincere and has kinda letchy vibes.

I think at least some of the issues stem from him expecting her to be cooler and getting bored/dropping her when he got embarassed. He always seemed quite backhanded whenever he ‘complimented’ her. I get that Palmer could be exhausting but he doesn’t sound like a great partner either.

I read one quote from him where he said hd didn’t find her attractive for ages at first as she isn’t his type. It sounded like a weird thing to say about your then-wife…
 
Sideboard Bob said:
Can we talk about his Doctor Who episode?
It was about a woman who was the human personification of the TARDIS… really cool idea, but her name was “Sexy” 🙄
It never sat right with me, like it was demeaning to the character.
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He wants to appear right-on and super- woke I think, and likes the kudos/ feeling of relevance its brings, so he keeps his predictable sexism on the down low as it wouldn’t match his image. But inevitably it’s going to emerge sometimes by accident….

And there is this cultivated patronising friendliness on his blogs/social media but it just feels weird, like the cynicism/ superiority and actual personality surfaces on occasion and feels somehow more authentic.

I would be curious to know what her experiences really were with him.
 
SusieTCones said:
Interesting quote from NG here (emphasis mine):

“Amanda,” he said, “is full of grand gestures. She throws surprise parties; she dresses up as living statues in public for a birthday surprise; she sprang a fake wedding ceremony on the streets of New Orleans for us . . . I got together with her because I couldn’t ever imagine being bored.”
He added: “Now that we’re fairly settled, there is nothing humdrum in our domestic set-up, for the simple reason that, with Amanda, nothing is ever hum or drum.”
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Gross! Gives me Tom Sandoval vibes, if anyone here follows Vanderpump Rules. Unfortunately real love is boring and safe sometimes. Neil gaiman has got to be in his 60s by now eh, grow up! I mean, AFP is an AFN (absolute fuckin nightmare) but he’s not above criticism
 
brianbutterfield said:
And… And (I’m on a roll now!) His insistence in having a room of one’s own to be a creative in is so at odds with family life and drenched in misogyny because women are always expected to just work around the bonkers sleep patterns of their children.
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I think it's actually worse than that. It was Virginia Woolf who came up with "A Room Of One's Own" to claim some space for women that they did not have to share so that they could have some peace in which to write (or read, or create, or any activity of the mind). Problem is, Amanda barges in to everyone else's Room, while Neil has a horror of Cyril Connolly's "Pram In The Hall" - which is the nightmare in which a man can't use his god-given talents because there's a baby crying and the woman can't shush it properly.

That poor kid.
 
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Vanelope said:
Wasn’t he a Scientologist with his first wife - they were both from families that were Scientologists as well. That’s got to mess you up.
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That makes an awful lot of sense given how cut off from his empathy he seems to be.
Cults are very good at encouraging their members to part from logic, intuition and critical thinking and therefore, empathy.
 
Sideboard Bob said:
I feel like a hypocrite, because I’ve clearly stated in this thread that I dislike AP and find her disturbing at times. But, it makes me really sad to think she was married to someone who may have broken her spirit (or tried to).
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It makes a lot of sense and doesn’t sound hypocritical, people are complex and disliking someone doesn’t mean we wish harm on them- I think it’s good to have that honesty, to acknowledge contradicting feelings.

What everyone says about his lack of empathy makes a lot of sense. It’s like he’s performing an idea of it with all his public statements but he didn’t sound very compassionate towards her.

It’s funny about his kid because he was incessantly posting pictures of him before and never mentioned his other children. How can it jump from all that gushing, to legging it across the world for a year and then seemingly doing very little?
 
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