Adam the Woo #22 Bein’ a Schlub in a Tub

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The Yankees spring training video is still the clubhouse leader for worst performing video of 2024, but I'm sure it's happy to have some competition.

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Any boaters out there? Apparently ancient Hawaiians had Mercury Outboard motors. Were the oars just for show? And is the sail just cosmetic? A nice flag to advertise the company?

No way that little motor is enough to actually move that thing on its own, so the rest of it wasn't for show, but yes - I'm picking up what you're putting down! "Authentic" 😂
 
He hardly responded to any comments yesterday, so I went and took a look today. The only worthwhile one was this 😂

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Do we have a contender?

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Maybe he needs to use more CAPS in his descriptions. 🤣

This is clearly the worst of the trip, they started out hitting around 50k in 24 hours and days later the vlogs are struggling to hit 30k in 24 hours. The fake Civil War battle re-enactment I think did 24 or 25k in the first 24 hours, so this isn't the worst. The Yankees Spring Training vlog also was at 26k at 24 hours if I remember correctly.

But the vlogs mentioned above were local Central Florida videos about topics his crowd traditionally does not like. Yesterday's vlog is a "travel" vlog to a popular destination that did good numbers for him last year. Normally his vlogs do well when he's on the road. Normally they do well when he's in a popular place that he doesn't frequent often.

So for this to struggle to get to 30k in the first 24 hours (and frankly, it probably won't hit 30k by the 24 hour mark) is, and I sound like a broken record, truly shocking. I never expected a Hawaii vlog to perform like a Rays spring training vlog.

I'll give him 35k for yesterday's vlog. Then I'm adding up all his views for December so far. He's had 14 vlogs published in December. They currently total 735k views. That's 52.5 per December vlog, which he says is his average. But that's not true - I looked at June 2024 and he averaged 60.5k views per view. Now, will there be an increase in the views for these 14 vlogs because they are still relatively fresh? Definitely, but not enough to make up that almost 9% gap IMO. And I'm comparing to June 2024, which saw him with total views of 2.39 million. A poor December like this and continued underperformance of the "back catalog" could see him drop under 2 million total views for the month.

2023 Hawaii vlogs in date order: 139k, 138k, 98k, 83k, 74k, 66k, 104k, 78k, 90k
2024 Hawaii vlogs in date order: 64k, 63k, 44k, 35k, 30k, ?, ?, ?, ?, ?

That's some dropoff
 
Adam catches the holiday train running past on the short walk back to Aulani, and I bet he wished he was on it

And guess what? It's time for Adam to ride the choo-choo train. If there's a novelty train, he must ride it. Also, I figured they would opt for the Aulani luau this year, nice and easy. VERY compelling thumbnail
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He's being very secretive about who is with him, but I'm pretty sure it's just Rev. Jim and Mama Woo, and eventually he starts getting them in shots as they are sitting next to him. As they travel along on the train (surprised he hasn't mentioned it's "open air" yet), Adam sees lines at a Costco gas station. He remarks to his mother that he's never seen so many cars lined up to get gas, "must be inexpensive or something" he says. He doesn't know Costco gas is generally very cheap and often has lines, and Hawaii has expensive gas? :rolleyes:
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The guide is pointing out some other things and telling stories, but Adam only points out and films Aulani in the distance...why did he ever leave the grounds?
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He also complains the ride is very bumpy. Then they get to the part of the ride that passes right in front of Aulani, and like clockwork, Adam says "there it is, Aulani"
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Of course other than Aulani, the big sights here are Monkey Pod, Black Sheep Ice Cream, the ABC Store, and Starbucks - all of which Adam has already been to. So far this train ride is pretty useless. Adam expands on why he likes Monkey Pod: it's open air! I knew I'd get an open air reference at some point. "There's no windows or anything", he dutifully explains - thanks buddy, I think we understood when you said open air.

The parents really seem to enjoy waving at the traffic, they do it every chance they get
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Adam's captured this structure from the sailing canoe, excuse me, "boat canoe", and now from the train, too. You want to make sure you get this shot as much as possible when you're in Hawaii, it's the type of view most people come to the islands for...
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And because he knows he fans couldn't LIVE without a peek of him looking dumbfounded on the train...
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The train just goes right back the way it came, and soon enough, Adam says "there's Aulani right there" AGAIN. It's clear Adam is actually annoyed by the train ride at this point, because the train actually stops across from Aulani at this point for a 20 minute break to let people hit up the ABC store or get some ice cream or coffee. Only now does it dawn on Adam that if he had taken a cab or rideshare to the train station, they could've gotten off here and just left the train tour at this point, walked across the street and been back in Aulani.

He offers to let his parents get off and walk over to the resort, but they say they'll stick it out with sonny boy. This is what happens when you don't do any research (otherwise you'd know the train ride sucks) or at the very least you could figure out that it goes out and comes back on the same path (it's not a "grand circle tour", Adam) past all the same boring stuff, and you can get off at Aulani. But Adam's not the researching type, he's said many times in the past. He tries to sell it that the train ride is "very cool and fun" but he literally cannot stop talking about how bumpy and rough the ride is.

Back at Aulani, Adam is entertained by Dale in his Christmas outfit as they make their way to the luau. There's temporary tattoos, ukulele lessons, and some other stuff in addition to the stage show, but Adam is there mostly for the food. He mentions, as he does at EVERY buffet, that you can go back as many times as you'd like, and describes this as his "first plate", and neglects to show his second, third and possibly fourth plates (I'm guessing)

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If you're wondering about the cost, it's a cool $180/pp for the regular seating at the Aulani luau, and $209/pp for the preferred seating. I don't know the seating chart so I have no idea if Adam sprung for the preferred, but if you asked me to judge based on his zoom usage and the quality of the footage, I'd guess that he did. So that would be over a grand for the luau - you know he stuffed himself until he was ready to barf.

Adam fills some time here with show footage which he wouldn't normally be able to do, but there's a lot of sections with just drumming so he knows he's copyright-safe. Suddenly, we're back on the balcony for the goodbye.

"Alright, that's going to do it for today. Got to admit, pretty good, pretty good luau. Food was amazing, show was good. The ending was probably my favorite with the fire dancers and all that, just really a good time." He says the show at the luau at Wet N Wild last year was better than this one, but the food was "definitely way better here". He says the show at Aulani has more of a storyline, whereas the other one is more action packed. You can tell which one his likes better when he said his favorite was the fire dancers "and all that", just like an 8 year old boy, or Beavis I suppose.

The last thing is to show some photos by holding up his phone to the camera, of course. Brother-in-law looks like someone pissed in his Cheerios, eh? Adam deferring the family thumbs up to Rev. Jim, and we finally get some sort of a look at Adam's many pool wristbands. I'm sure he will show them off at the very end of the trip.
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Everyone else, one hand. Adam has to do two hands, and they look like he's Spider-Man shooting webs.
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When they stand next to each other, you can see him quickly taking the path to his father as he ages, both stylistically and physically. Same frame, same belly, same belt, same poor posture, Adam with the shorts still, but white socks and the Crocs might as well be Dr. Scholls orthopedic shoes the way they look especially with the socks. BiL is pissed off again, and he's spent the majority of the last two days away from Adam, too, he should be in a good mood!

I see the Sailing Canoe episode finally cruised past the 30k barrier...this one is, again, not off to a great start, but I don't know if it's possible to get much worse than under 30k in 24 hours.
 
The Woo's inability to read rolls along. In the first 40 seconds of the video, he calls the Hawaiian Railway Society, the Hawaiian Railroad Society. An entire week of being trapped with this guy misreading and mispronouncing everything in sight would drive me to the point of looking like the brother-in-law as well. I'm guessing the bulk of the biological Woos are as educated as Woo is and no one has noticed anything unusual.

I
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Hoo boy, lots to talk about tonight.

I watched Passing Through Productions latest video and I'm glad to see they're able to properly criticize Woo's dementia fueled excursions while also showing some amount of respect for things like bothering to spend time with family or Cris the Girl actually having employment outside of YouTube. So I'm glad I listened to you lot since I can now watch someone who doesn't hide behind AI voices or stereotypes people. Plus, there is a female co-host apparently in PTP which makes me wonder if Troll Patrol has ever even talked to a woman.

Now, as for the man of the Hawaiian hour. I'm not sure if the mania has caught up with his brain as much as it did in Barrow, which he still treats with as much lasting resentment as Bret Hart does with Bill Goldberg, but you can tell he's becoming a cranky old fart when things aren't going as perfectly as he imagined they would.

Being concerned traveling far from the shore on a bleeping "boat canoe", being befuddled by the choo choo train route, it is like dirtnap mentioned that he could've researched all this and gotten a better outcome out of it but that wouldn't be "doing what he wants" which is winging it and expecting the world to wrap around his sausage finger.

Perhaps not just the world, as he clearly expected his parents to share his Disney-fied rose colored glasses and act as if he's their God and they should be grateful he exists to give them all this luxury. You know, the same way his commenter's do.

"This is like Moana!" to "Aulani!" he shouts into the blue Hawaiian sea as he ignores the elderly wheelchair pushing and his BIL wishing he never met his sister. "Do you feel like Moana? Make me some hamburger helper, woman, post haste! Sea-man, how doth thoust pronounce Opihi's! Bother me not with your cultural language lessons, for I shall invent a whole new language for you all! Call it Woonglish! The words of kings! Now to the closest stanchion so that I may ponder my parking!"

Man. Think about the beauty that Hawaii offers. A tropical paradise of fresh fruit, rich culture, beautiful surf, plenty of lessons to learn around every corner like there is grains of sand on the shore. Escape the tourist traps and you open yourself up to gain a new appreciation for a land that still holds on its identity despite the hardships. And then you have an obese oaf with a mop haircut, holding up a camera looking for hula dancers with onlyfans accounts while insanely muttering to himself, "disney, disney, disney, disney. food, food, must eat food. 80s, 80s, 80s. tail, gotta get some tail."
 
Then...why are you cross-promoting on IG so much lately? :unsure:

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Seems like he gave it up today, no promotional post!

Again, very limited engagement in the comments and nothing interesting besides the "I'm happy with 30k" comment. I wonder how low it would need to go for him to not be happy? He can try to play it off all he wants, but saying 30k is standard for for "these type of tourist vacation videos from my audience" is clearly a blatant lie. I just posted the numbers from last year in Hawaii that show it's a lie.

But let's take his recent stop in Vegas - a place he's been on a yearly basis since 2022 so it should be a more boring and played out "tourist vacation video" type of destination for his audience. Not ONE Vegas vlog is below 50k. One is barely over, yes, but even that one was over 40k within the first 24 hours. So Adam can take his "30k is normal for this type of video" BS and peddle it elsewhere, that dog won't hunt.
 
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