Zoe Sugg #9 Orangella needs A new fella! #autumnal

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DoreenYadeley said:
I'VE REWORKED THE AD TO MAKE IT MORE 'ACCURATE'...

'Team Zoella Office witch'

THE JOB SUMMARY:

We are looking for a desperate minion to do all the tit we're too lazy to do whilst we binge on donuts and fizzy drinks. We've run out of ideas and enthusiasm for brand Zoella so we want you to think of content and ideas for the dwindling ex-You Tube personality. The role is based in Brighton 5 days a week and don't even bleeping think of working remotely!! This is a hard graft job, witch.

Hours: Full Time Boredom

Location: Central Brighton

Salary: Absolute tit

Start Date: Immediate (we're desperate)


KEY RESPONSIBILITIES:

Licking Zoella's bumhole clean on the daily.

Ordering junk food for Jolly Holly and co.

Thinking up all the tit to post on Zoella's boring social media pages.

Making us drinks and ordering food, and buying pointless tit we can use as props in crappy photoshoots.

Taking minutes in our team 'meetings', listening to us all talk tit for hours. Please note Zoe rarely attends.

tit-posting on all our social media and the website but not the blog as it's dead.

Pinching pics and info from online.

Heavy use of Pinterest for content.

Begging for free tit and PR for Zoe.


REQUIREMENTS:

Love of Autumn and Christmas.

Love of all things orange.

Fatter than Zoe, if possible obese and unattractive.

Can write using stupid abbreviations like 'gorg' and 'obvz'

Will do any menial physical work for Zoe at the drop of a hat.

Likes pugs and can put up with anal gland leakage (Nala) and shedding hair extensions (Zoe).

THE PERSON WE’RE LOOKING FOR:

Ability to work with a team of annoying and lazy oafs and put up with Queen witch Zoe and her insufferable bullshit.

Passion for pointless product consumption and failing You Tube celebrities.

Someone who loves working in a dull and repetitive, stale environment.

Unimaginative and will do as told without questioning.

Can organise Zoe as we've all given up trying to get her to do anything.

Going the extra mile, always; as the Girl Boss barely leaves her sofa.

Confident to work by yourself as we can't be bothered to really assist being a bunch of self important twats.

Ambitious, as Zoe surely isn't these days and we're all worried the company will fold and we'll be out of a job.

Happy to travel or stay overnight if Zoe or Alfie need babysitting.

HOW TO APPLY:

Please complete the below task and send alongside a CV, cover letter and blank cheque signing your life and integrity away to [email protected] by Friday 8th November.

Only serious applications will be considered, and unless we want to steal your ideas we won't be in contact as we're too lazy to respond to all applications.

CVs and any applications will be scanned for ideas and ripped off accordingly in line with Zoe's rules and regs.

TASK:

Create a plan for a week’s worth of content to sit on the Zoella Instagram account that follows the format we currently have. We want this to be an opportunity for you to demonstrate your abilities and to use lots of orange filters to make everything look #autumnal. Feel free to use any programs you would like to complete the task but please submit in an easy format so it's easier for Holly to copy and paste into Insta.

THINGS TO CONSIDER:
  • Early retirement
Click to expand...
Come on, who's gonna step up and take one for the team!? We need someone on the inside!
 
Bananana said:
I know this is old but definitely seems the only time he touches her is in videos like this time when he thinks he'll get away with it and doesn't have to do any more than cop a feel (in a vlog once he "accidentally" grabbed her tit and it didn't go down great). Absolutely no chance they're having sex on the regular, is it even classes as a relationship at this stage?
Click to expand...
I could have gone my whole life without seeing this image
 
fanxy said:
I'll be honest. I pretty much only watch Zoe's Christmas videos because I love Christmas and I have to admit it's nice to watch people get excited to be festive. Anyway, I stumbled across her B&BW candle haul video yesterday and I think she's reached a new low. And when she said she'll reorder the one that broke, I was like... girl you literally bought 25 candles, sit down.
Click to expand...
Same 🤣🤣🤣 quite partial to a bit of vlogmass
 
Going back to the possibility of Zoe having a baby.
She’d have to completely change up her diet. Sort out her general well being too.
Then when baby comes she’d have to actually cook food. She wouldn’t be able to constantly feed and infant take out.
She’d also have to leave the house because a baby would not cope being stuck inside forever.
The minute the baby didn’t do anything Zoe was trying to get it to do she’d give up.
I’m sure to her the idea of a child sounds amazing but she wouldn’t cope. Even if she had an army of nannies and all the help in the world.
And obviously Alfie would be no help at all.

In terms of the job advert you know it’s gonna be some basic PSL, orange filter loving white girl that is gonna get the job.
 
DoreenYadeley said:
I'VE REWORKED THE AD TO MAKE IT MORE 'ACCURATE'...

'Team Zoella Office witch'

THE JOB SUMMARY:

We are looking for a desperate minion to do all the tit we're too lazy to do whilst we binge on donuts and fizzy drinks. We've run out of ideas and enthusiasm for brand Zoella so we want you to think of content and ideas for the dwindling ex-You Tube personality. The role is based in Brighton 5 days a week and don't even bleeping think of working remotely!! This is a hard graft job, witch.

Hours: Full Time Boredom

Location: Central Brighton

Salary: Absolute tit

Start Date: Immediate (we're desperate)


KEY RESPONSIBILITIES:

Licking Zoella's bumhole clean on the daily.

Ordering junk food for Jolly Holly and co.

Thinking up all the tit to post on Zoella's boring social media pages.

Making us drinks and ordering food, and buying pointless tit we can use as props in crappy photoshoots.

Taking minutes in our team 'meetings', listening to us all talk tit for hours. Please note Zoe rarely attends.

tit-posting on all our social media and the website but not the blog as it's dead.

Pinching pics and info from online.

Heavy use of Pinterest for content.

Begging for free tit and PR for Zoe.


REQUIREMENTS:

Love of Autumn and Christmas.

Love of all things orange.

Fatter than Zoe, if possible obese and unattractive.

Can write using stupid abbreviations like 'gorg' and 'obvz'

Will do any menial physical work for Zoe at the drop of a hat.

Likes pugs and can put up with anal gland leakage (Nala) and shedding hair extensions (Zoe).

THE PERSON WE’RE LOOKING FOR:

Ability to work with a team of annoying and lazy oafs and put up with Queen witch Zoe and her insufferable bullshit.

Passion for pointless product consumption and failing You Tube celebrities.

Someone who loves working in a dull and repetitive, stale environment.

Unimaginative and will do as told without questioning.

Can organise Zoe as we've all given up trying to get her to do anything.

Going the extra mile, always; as the Girl Boss barely leaves her sofa.

Confident to work by yourself as we can't be bothered to really assist being a bunch of self important twats.

Ambitious, as Zoe surely isn't these days and we're all worried the company will fold and we'll be out of a job.

Happy to travel or stay overnight if Zoe or Alfie need babysitting.

HOW TO APPLY:

Please complete the below task and send alongside a CV, cover letter and blank cheque signing your life and integrity away to [email protected] by Friday 8th November.

Only serious applications will be considered, and unless we want to steal your ideas we won't be in contact as we're too lazy to respond to all applications.

CVs and any applications will be scanned for ideas and ripped off accordingly in line with Zoe's rules and regs.

TASK:

Create a plan for a week’s worth of content to sit on the Zoella Instagram account that follows the format we currently have. We want this to be an opportunity for you to demonstrate your abilities and to use lots of orange filters to make everything look #autumnal. Feel free to use any programs you would like to complete the task but please submit in an easy format so it's easier for Holly to copy and paste into Insta.

THINGS TO CONSIDER:
  • Early retirement
Click to expand...
Now come on Doreen, you're just being bitter because you've not got the job aren't you🤣. They've realised you were a Tattler and thrown your application in the bin😂😂😂😂
 
The thing in the job description about being able to “stay overnight or travel” like I don’t think it’s that bad?? I’m sure any overnight or travelling would be paid for by the company not the employee. Tbh I would quite like a job where a little travel or trips out of the office were part of it it mixes things up. A lot of people would enjoy that aspect. Working for Zoe I’m pretty sure you’d get some good perks personally I wouldn’t mind it.
 
hrh89 said:
The thing in the job description about being able to “stay overnight or travel” like I don’t think it’s that bad?? I’m sure any overnight or travelling would be paid for by the company not the employee. Tbh I would quite like a job where a little travel or trips out of the office were part of it it mixes things up. A lot of people would enjoy that aspect. Working for Zoe I’m pretty sure you’d get some good perks personally I wouldn’t mind it.
Click to expand...
I'm willing to bet money that Zoe is one of those bosses who treats her employees like servant robots because she's too selfish to care about their needs. It's probably a super low paid job and she considers "getting to hang out with Zoella" a perk instead of like...more work. She'll have them sweeping her rotten pumpkin porch in a few weeks
 
hrh89 said:
The thing in the job description about being able to “stay overnight or travel” like I don’t think it’s that bad?? I’m sure any overnight or travelling would be paid for by the company not the employee. Tbh I would quite like a job where a little travel or trips out of the office were part of it it mixes things up. A lot of people would enjoy that aspect. Working for Zoe I’m pretty sure you’d get some good perks personally I wouldn’t mind it.
Click to expand...
Tbf it sounds dead easy, footling around on the internet and having parties all the time. I'm amazed they managed to pad out the description to the degree they have. I can just imagine the terribly important meeting they had to discuss it with Zoe wearing her serious specs and sucking her biro a great deal.
 
Switchstreetz said:
I'm willing to bet money that Zoe is one of those bosses who treats her employees like servant robots because she's too selfish to care about their needs. It's probably a super low paid job and she considers "getting to hang out with Zoella" a perk instead of like...holidays.
Click to expand...
I’m not a fan of hers but I actually don’t agree I think she’d be over nice to employees as she seems like she’s desperate to be liked by everyone. I think she would be fine to work for and as others have said she’s not exactly there everyday peering over your shoulder.
 
KealieghRachel said:
Going back to the possibility of Zoe having a baby.
She’d have to completely change up her diet. Sort out her general well being too.
Then when baby comes she’d have to actually cook food. She wouldn’t be able to constantly feed and infant take out.
She’d also have to leave the house because a baby would not cope being stuck inside forever.
The minute the baby didn’t do anything Zoe was trying to get it to do she’d give up.
I’m sure to her the idea of a child sounds amazing but she wouldn’t cope. Even if she had an army of nannies and all the help in the world.
And obviously Alfie would be no help at all.

In terms of the job advert you know it’s gonna be some basic PSL, orange filter loving white girl that is gonna get the job.
Click to expand...
My baby girl went down in her cot for 1 whole hour last night, at 5.30am. I can't have proper baths because of my stitches, I litcherally just use tea tree oil in there, not sure she'd like either of those things!
 
DoreenYadeley said:
I'VE REWORKED THE AD TO MAKE IT MORE 'ACCURATE'...

'Team Zoella Office witch'

THE JOB SUMMARY:

We are looking for a desperate minion to do all the tit we're too lazy to do whilst we binge on donuts and fizzy drinks. We've run out of ideas and enthusiasm for brand Zoella so we want you to think of content and ideas for the dwindling ex-You Tube personality. The role is based in Brighton 5 days a week and don't even bleeping think of working remotely!! This is a hard graft job, witch.

Hours: Full Time Boredom

Location: Central Brighton

Salary: Absolute tit

Start Date: Immediate (we're desperate)


KEY RESPONSIBILITIES:

Licking Zoella's bumhole clean on the daily.

Ordering junk food for Jolly Holly and co.

Thinking up all the tit to post on Zoella's boring social media pages.

Making us drinks and ordering food, and buying pointless tit we can use as props in crappy photoshoots.

Taking minutes in our team 'meetings', listening to us all talk tit for hours. Please note Zoe rarely attends.

tit-posting on all our social media and the website but not the blog as it's dead.

Pinching pics and info from online.

Heavy use of Pinterest for content.

Begging for free tit and PR for Zoe.


REQUIREMENTS:

Love of Autumn and Christmas.

Love of all things orange.

Fatter than Zoe, if possible obese and unattractive.

Can write using stupid abbreviations like 'gorg' and 'obvz'

Will do any menial physical work for Zoe at the drop of a hat.

Likes pugs and can put up with anal gland leakage (Nala) and shedding hair extensions (Zoe).

THE PERSON WE’RE LOOKING FOR:

Ability to work with a team of annoying and lazy oafs and put up with Queen witch Zoe and her insufferable bullshit.

Passion for pointless product consumption and failing You Tube celebrities.

Someone who loves working in a dull and repetitive, stale environment.

Unimaginative and will do as told without questioning.

Can organise Zoe as we've all given up trying to get her to do anything.

Going the extra mile, always; as the Girl Boss barely leaves her sofa.

Confident to work by yourself as we can't be bothered to really assist being a bunch of self important twats.

Ambitious, as Zoe surely isn't these days and we're all worried the company will fold and we'll be out of a job.

Happy to travel or stay overnight if Zoe or Alfie need babysitting.

HOW TO APPLY:

Please complete the below task and send alongside a CV, cover letter and blank cheque signing your life and integrity away to [email protected] by Friday 8th November.

Only serious applications will be considered, and unless we want to steal your ideas we won't be in contact as we're too lazy to respond to all applications.

CVs and any applications will be scanned for ideas and ripped off accordingly in line with Zoe's rules and regs.

TASK:

Create a plan for a week’s worth of content to sit on the Zoella Instagram account that follows the format we currently have. We want this to be an opportunity for you to demonstrate your abilities and to use lots of orange filters to make everything look #autumnal. Feel free to use any programs you would like to complete the task but please submit in an easy format so it's easier for Holly to copy and paste into Insta.

THINGS TO CONSIDER:
  • Early retirement
Click to expand...
You are savage, @DoreenYadeley. 👏🏻 👏🏻 👏🏻 I’ve never laughed so hard. Thank you for this beautiful and extremely on the nose write-up.

0BDA8725-215B-4691-B593-AC199F8E7829.png

For someone who claims both her and Alfie don’t want children yet, she sure has been bringing up said hypothetical children quite a bit. The lady doth protest too much, methinks? If the baby takes after Alfie then that image she choose won’t be that far off (costume or not).
 
Switchstreetz said:
I'm willing to bet money that Zoe is one of those bosses who treats her employees like servant robots because she's too selfish to care about their needs. It's probably a super low paid job and she considers "getting to hang out with Zoella" a perk instead of like...more work. She'll have them sweeping her rotten pumpkin porch in a few weeks
Click to expand...

We’ve all seen the employees. They’re definitely making minimum wage, but want the job due to PR freebies.
 
thenomad said:
You are savage, @DoreenYadeley. 👏🏻 👏🏻 👏🏻 I’ve never laughed so hard. Thank you for this beautiful and extremely on the nose write-up.

View attachment 52327 q
For someone who claims both her and Alfie don’t want children yet, she sure has been bringing up said hypothetical children quite a bit. The lady doth protest too much, methinks? If the baby takes after Alfie then that image she choose won’t be that far off (costume or not).
Click to expand...
That's also such a damn LIE. We all know that if they did have kids zoe would dress them in cute outfits with a tit ton of glitter for Halloween 🙄
 
thenomad said:
You are savage, @DoreenYadeley. 👏🏻 👏🏻 👏🏻 I’ve never laughed so hard. Thank you for this beautiful and extremely on the nose write-up.

View attachment 52327 q
For someone who claims both her and Alfie don’t want children yet, she sure has been bringing up said hypothetical children quite a bit. The lady doth protest too much, methinks? If the baby takes after Alfie then that image she choose won’t be that far off (costume or not).
Click to expand...
This may be crossing the line so please call me out if it is, but could anyone else see her as being the type of girl who just ‘forgets’ her pill in order to get pregnant?
I definitely also think she’ll struggle to conceive, me and my partner are into our second year of trying, and are both healthy 20somethings, so Christ knows how she’d ever manage it with her diet and lifestyle!
 
Spencerskates said:
This may be crossing the line so please call me out if it is, but could anyone else see her as being the type of girl who just ‘forgets’ her pill in order to get pregnant?
I definitely also think she’ll struggle to conceive, me and my partner are into our second year of trying, and are both healthy 20somethings, so Christ knows how she’d ever manage it with her diet and lifestyle!
Click to expand...


Aww sorry to hear this! We tried for just over two years and now i have a gorgeous 10 month old, good luck to you xx

Zoe couldn't cope with a baby. She's just not very motherly in that way. Yeah she likes treating Nala and Alfie like they are one but when it comes to a real life baby whose life literally depends on her, nope! Can't see it! She can't just throw money at it when it cries or needs changing.
 
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