TheLongMum #3 Life couldn't be harder, I ponder from Lake Garda...

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b20212017 said:
At no point did I mention Annas mental load or what she does /doesn’t have to cope or deal with. My post was specially (and quite clearly) about the dismissal of the mental load as a concept.
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I'm not dismissing the mental load as a concept, however I take exception to her lumping herself in with all of us lone parents who actually do have a huge mental load and deal with it because that's life. She is neither a lone parent nor a working one. Her mental load isn't comparable to mine or yours or anyone else I know. Seeing as the girls dad works and she doesn't, I'm not surprised a lot of the admin falls to her, and why shouldn't it?
 
jaggedlittlebill said:
I'm not dismissing the mental load as a concept, however I take exception to her lumping herself in with all of us lone parents who actually do have a huge mental load and deal with it because that's life. She is neither a lone parent nor a working one. Her mental load isn't comparable to mine or yours or anyone else I know. Seeing as the girls dad works and she doesn't, I'm not surprised a lot of the admin falls to her, and why shouldn't it?
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I’m not a single parent but I work part time and my husband works full time so I have more “mental load” as I’m not at work so much. Just how it is 🤷🏻‍♀️ I would love all the free time she has!
 
As you say ‘the slog
jaggedlittlebill said:
I'm not dismissing the mental load as a concept, however I take exception to her lumping herself in with all of us lone parents who actually do have a huge mental load and deal with it because that's life. She is neither a lone parent nor a working one. Her mental load isn't comparable to mine or yours or anyone else I know. Seeing as the girls dad works and she doesn't, I'm not surprised a lot of the admin falls to her, and why shouldn't it?
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‘This mental load bullshit….welcome to the real world’ whilst I understand your point about Anna, that quote is dismissive of the mental load as a concept. The message is ‘suck it up we all have to do it’.
The difference between the mental load and a full time job is the mental load never goes away. You don’t sign off at 5pm on a Friday or take two weeks annual leave twice a year. It’s always there 24/7 and the distribution is wildly skewed towards women working or not, coparenting or in a nuclear family.
Just because someone else has it worse doesn’t mean your struggles aren’t valid and don’t feel crippling.
Anna might just be incredibly selfish and narcissistic, I think it’s far more likely she’s looking at her life in dismay and trying desperately to paper over the cracks before things completely fall apart.
 
If I'm honest, and this is for me personally, I don't find the mental load of having a kid too bad. Most of my mental load would be there regardless. If I look at my to-do list the kid-specific stuff is pretty minimal compared to a demanding job, retraining for a new career, and having two autoimmune diseases. My kid is healthy and doesn't require any regular medication or appointments so I think that does make a difference, but whether I had a child or not I'd still need to buy food, keep the house clean, go to work, manage my health, pay bills etc. And the few kid specific bits of mental load I have I honestly don't begrudge for the sheer joy my kid brings me.

Honestly the things I find hardest mental load wise is managing the health stuff- because I can end up having to chase between the hospital and the specialist pharmacy and the hospital no longer have any phone numbers you can contact, and I can only ring round places one day a week because I can't even look at my phone in work let alone try and get something non-work related done.

I don't sign off from work stress at 5pm on a Friday, it lingers, normally till 9am on a Monday, and then I look at my emails and the next week of stress starts. Signing off from work on time would be a dream! I don't get two weeks annual leave twice a year because a lot of my leave goes to my kid being sent home sick, or just having to take days to get things done here and there. I'll try and take a day or two for myself around my birthday and I like to have a day before Christmas where I go to town but mostly leave needs to be used for practical things. The difference between mental load and a full time job is that if you have a full time job you have both... just less time to deal with the things that result in mental load.

The other week I took two days off where my kid was in childcare because I had college work, hospital phone calls to make, and some areas of the house needed the kind of cleaning I can't do while a kid climbs my back shouting "giddy up mummy horse!". I planned out each hour of the day, alloted time to each task I needed to complete, got all my jobs done for the day with a bit of time allocated to myself as well and then picked my kid up a little early each day so we had a more relaxed bed time and OH MY GOD. It was so relaxing, just being able to go through and get things done... I did zero wanks, chazzas or pastries, just focused on getting things done. Maybe if I really want to be a martyr to mental load I need to fit more wanks, chazzas and pastries into my day.
 
jaggedlittlebill said:
She fell asleep ONLY FOR 10 MINUTES and the kids dragged a chair from the kitchen, climbed up on top of the fridge, got the paints down, and got them all over the table and carpet and ONLY THEN did she wake up? I smell bullshit. She was more likely upstairs in her bedroom fluffing her hair and taking selfies.
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I’m not convinced kids would be able to open those tiny pots either
 
Don’t post here usually on ptwm thread but she’s now at my local farm shop and even then finds something to moan about yes we Yorkshire folk are proud of our roots
I genuinely don’t see her post now without a moan in it there’s always something negative to draw attention to she must be such a bore to be around
 
Dog mama said:
Don’t post here usually on ptwm thread but she’s now at my local farm shop and even then finds something to moan about yes we Yorkshire folk are proud of our roots
I genuinely don’t see her post now without a moan in it there’s always something negative to draw attention to she must be such a bore to be around
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She's incredibly negative. I think she thinks she comes across as dry and funny but she just comes off as immensely snarky and miserable to me.

How far has she travelled for this mediocre Adi-clad man then?
 
She buys so much tit for herself. Regular nails, hair, fillers, Botox, fake tan, train journeys and trips up north, chazza shop hauls, fancy cakes and pastries… she must be in serious debt and have a payment plan of about £5 per month or something ridiculous
 
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