Previously, on The Real White Trash of Lake Nona:
Part 2/2
Unable to cover up the legendary debacle that was the Boardwalk Quick Service staycation, The Slackers try out a new sort of mea culpa video which they attempt to frame as advice to their stans: don’t make the same mistakes we made! Of course, this is Trackerland, so honest introspection and teachable moments are in short supply in the dysfunctional Bojo household.
Case in point: through the lens of Jenn’s rampant narcissistic delusion, the Day 2 visit to the Flying Fish somehow retroactively becomes “a special Mother’s Day treat” and not an impulse splurge of wasteful spending and gluttony. The Trackholes hilariously admit that they believed they could convert two Quick Service meals into a Table Service meal, further cementing their titles as Theme Park Experts. The Snackers also admit that they left one kid’s QS meal completely unused – good thing the Parents of the Year caved and got Budley that massive Mickey s’more before dinner. Dimster comes up with the ridiculous idea that their poor use of the dining plan meant they overpaid by a mere $42.09, but this was apparently applying some experimental form of Dimmaths wherein he “didn’t add up the time that we saved”. Apparently, repeatedly walking back and forth to Beach Club/Yacht Club and arguing with your whinging family about where to eat counts as quality time and good value for money. The Trackholes still believe that J$ can stay in a Garden Cottage Suite and “would love it”, so fingers crossed they book one soon. Jenn shows us yet another way that the Florida public school system systematically failed her as she explains how she believed a “resort view” room meant a view of the Magic Kingdom. On Day 1 of their shite staycation, Jenn complained about the open space in one corner of their room, stating that it “feels weird”. However, Jenn now decides the extra space was a positive, as she was able to pile it up with bullshit and clutter à la Ft. Pampers. Jenn also shows her keen mastery of the fundamentals of architecture, as she derides the “first floor balcony” of their Boardwalk room, even at one point complaining that said ‘balcony’ had so much “patio space” they couldn’t use. In yet another lie Jenn couldn’t keep straight, she accidentally big ups the food at Leaping Horse Libations – the poolside lunch which the Trackers claimed they were going to skip, but the pager told Tattlers otherwise! In a final delusional outburst, Jenn claims she is “going to share” Dim’s tie-dye shirt. Honey, as massive as you’re getting, you couldn’t even wear it as a neckerchief.
Next, the Trashholes decide to subject us all to another outlet run video. Jenn, wearing one of her finest Saint Thomas muumuus, claims they intentionally arrived late in order to miss the queue. Sure Ginn. Despite having Oliver in tow, they completely fail to mention or show him until 4 minutes into their shopping spree, when they are begrudgingly obliged to acknowledge Da Baby as they monetise buying him multiple pairs of Vans. Taking a couple of looks at the queue outside the Disney outlet and finding it to be incompatible with their work ethic, the Slackers opt to gorge themselves instead at steakburger fast food joint which greedy-guts Jenn caught a whiff of on the drive over. Once seated with their grub, Dim complains multiple times that the patties are “very thin”, and later grumbles that the double patty burger with bacon was “very greasy”. Jenn finds common ground with her steakburger as she compliments its “crispy skin”, but complains that it lacks seasoning. This does not stop her from destroying it on camera whilst giving her gaping food hole a sloppy tongue bath. Fatass Jenn proudly pronounces the burger “better than Culvers”, and with her mouth full stupidly asks Da Baby, who was fed a brought-from-home box lunch, what he thinks about her burger.
The video now picks up a few days later back at the outlet as the work-shy grifters couldn’t be arsed to return to face the queue after their mukbang. Dim walks pat the Gucci store and mentions the Gucci-Adidas CO-LAB, and Jenn shouts out all her haterz laughing that “you know how much we love our Gucci sweaters”. Genius Jenn, who previously claimed they came late to avoid the queue, now reverses course and says they definitely should have come earlier. A thirty-minute wait amongst the commoners, and now they’re inside and in low-effort content heaven. The Trackers, no less than a dozen times, irritatingly describe items inside the Disney outlet as “fun”, which is Trackerese for “we cannot find any obvious complaint about this item, but lack the vocabulary to describe its positive aspects in any meaningful way”. Dim wants to know if the 4*Town kids’ shirt has Pittsburgh misspelled, but neither of the simpletons know how to correctly spell it so they aren’t sure. The powergrifters proceed to fondle, caress, and otherwise molest nearly every single object in the entirety of the outlet store for quick and easy content. Jenn hasn’t been part of this much finger banging since her high school days. After they tire of mocking this cheap Disney dreck, The Slackers leave buying nothing, as they again couldn’t be arsed to wait in the queue.
We wrap up this run of videos with a homeslog mainly centred on the Smellephant herself. Jenn first puts Dim to work in the kitchen doing all the donkey work on the tie-dye shirts. After Dim finishes prepping them, Jenn claims she will now show what the final shirts look like, but the editor extraordinaire instead lazily inserts a recycled clip of tie-dye shirt footage from the Staycation post-mortem video posted several days ago. Jenn lets us know that she is putting Da Baby on pea milk because of her fears of bird flu. It’s a good thing she also takes other serious medical issues, such as ear tubes, ASD diagnosis, a misshapen head, and femoral retroversion just as seriously and addresses them with equal haste. Jenn makes a compelling case for why TikTok should be banned as she shares some lame “recipe” for Da Baby she found there. Da Blob shows off her supply of some sickly-sweet desert crap that Budley demands to eat for breakfast. After trying and failing for what seems like forever to secure a sponsorship from Purple Carrot, Jenn is finally cancelling her subscription as she was “getting bored of it”. It’s hard to imagine why the brand chose to pass on the opportunity of being featured by such the healthy and happy power couple Timothy and Jennifer Bojanowksi. Now, Jenn has set her sights on being sponsored by Factor and finds nothing oxymoronic in throwing around the term “gourmet microwave meals” as she begins seeding her hopeful future grift. The Hippomom rambles incoherently for a painfully long time about how excited she is to see Wicked at the cinema. Nobody bleeping cares, Jenn. She pans over her poorly-organised bookshelf and shows off her motley assortment of low-brow books that would mostly be found in the clearance section of Target, but not before allowing us a peek at her trashy office piled high with clutter and debris. Jenn proudly announces she’s in her “book-reading era” and then delusionally follows it up with the statement “not that I’ve got time to read”. Dimmyboy makes a cameo to let us know that he predictably fucked up and didn’t get the D23 tickets to Tiana's Bayou Adventure, which must be an especially tough pill to swallow given how long he’s tried to keep up the charade of pretending to be excited about it. The whole Snacker clan make their way to Bahama Breeze for more high-calorie slop and pad out a few minutes of the video recording Budley speaking gibberish from the back seat. The next day at Ft. Pampers, a haggard looking Dim chokes down his last vegan meal in Purple Carrot prison. Finally, the grift has truly begun as an especially greasy and manic Jenn starts plugging Factor in the outro.
All in all, it was a predictable week of steady decline and arrested development. With that being said, we're off, we'll see you all tomorrow, and now it's time for society to pay the price.
it looks like she might be at the slacker house. She posted a meal with what looks like their dining table. Maybe she’s the chauffeur driving Jen around.
