The Frugality #3 content is free, don’t care if it’s drivel, shopping in Sainsbury’s, pretending it’s Lidl

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talking of the unlikely pair, lol at this being exactly what we were saying! I don’t understand how AS isn’t mortified that she’s very clearly privileged and refuses to say about about it, in the era of learning to do better?!

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heretoreaditall2019 said:
talking of the unlikely pair, lol at this being exactly what we were saying! I don’t understand how AS isn’t mortified that she’s very clearly privileged and refuses to say about about it, in the era of learning to do better?!
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I unfollowed Alex a while ago but occasionally read this thread - after seeing these recent stories from Africa I was reminded straight away of a certain someone and glad to see I wasn’t alone.

Absolutely agree with the ppl who made the ‘rah girl’ connection, and vividly remember my confusion and insecurity being thrown into an environment with lots of ppl like that (who were unlike anyone I’d ever met at my comprehensive school).

I remember a “look” was wearing designer dresses (£300+ a pop…I learned it was a faux pas for me to ask where the dress came from) paired with juti shoes from gap yah in Rajasthan (“only £2!”). Took me ages to understand all the weird little social rules.

Still know a couple of ppl from that set and they are nice in all the ways that matter but still do the same thing (£2m house with inherited money ssssh but will always broadcast DIY and car boot finds). I think it’s discomfort with having something they know they didn’t earn.

I should add I’m lucky to have benefitted from inherited wealth via my OH. It makes an enormous difference - we stuck it all in the mortgage which gives us a lot of freedom. We pay less per month for a family sized house than my sister pays for her rented 1-bed flat. I wouldn’t ever try to pretend it was anything other than unfair.
 
rosarosa said:
ssssh but will always broadcast DIY and car boot finds
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Isn’t it weird this is such a thing for them? It’s defs a novelty to them, it’s funny cos as a poor kid I felt so much shame around that sort of stuff and knew it would be picked on if anyone else dare knew, now it’s a badge of honour for a socially conscious MC mama. Which leads me to my next point - did anyone else feel uncomfortable at her glee in spotting those charity shop finds? I know we all need to consume less / use the secondary market more but I feel like charity shops should be left for people who genuinely need cheap bits, it’s the age old argument over Depop resellers pushing charity shop prices up blah blah blah but just felt uncomfortable that a low income child won’t have access to these nice bits because someone on a 30% LTV #gifted mortgage came in and swooped them all up 😞
 
heretoreaditall2019 said:
Isn’t it weird this is such a thing for them? It’s defs a novelty to them, it’s funny cos as a poor kid I felt so much shame around that sort of stuff and knew it would be picked on if anyone else dare knew, now it’s a badge of honour for a socially conscious MC mama. Which leads me to my next point - did anyone else feel uncomfortable at her glee in spotting those charity shop finds? I know we all need to consume less / use the secondary market more but I feel like charity shops should be left for people who genuinely need cheap bits, it’s the age old argument over Depop resellers pushing charity shop prices up blah blah blah but just felt uncomfortable that a low income child won’t have access to these nice bits because someone on a 30% LTV #gifted mortgage came in and swooped them all up 😞
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Yeah, TBH the only time I’ve felt uncomfortable with it (rather than mildly amused) is when a wealthy friend bought a big bundle of used baby clothes for v cheap (£20 or so) and then posted it on Insta. I am almost certain the kid will end up being privately educated, and whilst I absolutely support buying second hand, I couldn’t help but feel she wasn’t the target market for that particular service.

When it’s decorative bits for around the house I see no harm, and I get the thrill of a genuine bargain (especially when you don’t have a mandatory side dish of shame for needing it). But it is a hobby and not a strategy for financial security.

I’ve never been truly poor but I’d imagine that when you are worried about money for basics, you might have limited time/patience for this kind of thing.
 
rosarosa said:
Yeah, TBH the only time I’ve felt uncomfortable with it (rather than mildly amused) is when a wealthy friend bought a big bundle of used baby clothes for v cheap (£20 or so) and then posted it on Insta. I am almost certain the kid will end up being privately educated, and whilst I absolutely support buying second hand, I couldn’t help but feel she wasn’t the target market for that particular service.

When it’s decorative bits for around the house I see no harm, and I get the thrill of a genuine bargain (especially when you don’t have a mandatory side dish of shame for needing it). But it is a hobby and not a strategy for financial security.

I’ve never been truly poor but I’d imagine that when you are worried about money for basics, you might have limited time/patience for this kind of thing.
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Agree, and I appreciate it’s such a nuanced discussion and tbh there is no universal consensus on what is best for LI families or the planet, but it just feels in bad taste? Like we’re comfortable through our income (not gifted wealth!) and I do buy a lot of second hand kids clothes, but through eBay/more recently vinted and I’m not hoovering up the cheapest of cheap bits away from mums who need it, it is selected brands/vintage stuff, so personally don’t feel bad for this, and mitigate that by donating *everything* to the baby bank after. She could argue she’s encouraging people to buy second hand but idk how sincere that is as she’s also pushing hyper consumption ??
 
heretoreaditall2019 said:
Agree, and I appreciate it’s such a nuanced discussion and tbh there is no universal consensus on what is best for LI families or the planet, but it just feels in bad taste? Like we’re comfortable through our income (not gifted wealth!) and I do buy a lot of second hand kids clothes, but through eBay/more recently vinted and I’m not hoovering up the cheapest of cheap bits away from mums who need it, it is selected brands/vintage stuff, so personally don’t feel bad for this, and mitigate that by donating *everything* to the baby bank after. She could argue she’s encouraging people to buy second hand but idk how sincere that is as she’s also pushing hyper consumption ??
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Yeah, agreed. In the case of Alex (and similar accounts) my problem is this is not a one-off mistake broadcast to a small group of friends, but her entire MO and how she makes a living.

The whole point is influencing other people, to firstly buy needless stuff, but then also to not really engage meaningfully with how our consumption choices affect others (e.g. depleting charity shops of good quality basics).
 
BillieR said:
I don't know how I feel about not buying from charity shops if you're not skint. There is so much stuff in charity shops, surely it's best to buy second hand regardless of your income?
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Sorry I did say I acknowledge there’s no universal truth with this, agree anything that doesn’t help stimulate production of new goods is a good thing, it just doesn’t feel 100% right for me personally, and that’s okay cos everyone has diff experiences/lines!
 
BillieR said:
I don't know how I feel about not buying from charity shops if you're not skint. There is so much stuff in charity shops, surely it's best to buy second hand regardless of your income?
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Yes we should all try and buy second hand if we can. It's a very old fashioned view that charity shops are for "poor people" and is very stigmatising . Charity shops are businesses and as such are
priced pretty competitively.
 
Venuslurker said:
Yes we should all try and buy second hand if we can. It's a very old fashioned view that charity shops are for "poor people" and is very stigmatising . Charity shops are businesses and as such are
priced pretty competitively.
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I agree! Especially as all the ones near me are full to the brim at the moment and are crying out for people to shop there. I get furniture, kitchenware, accessories, coats and board games especially at charity shops.
 
Venuslurker said:
Yes we should all try and buy second hand if we can. It's a very old fashioned view that charity shops are for "poor people" and is very stigmatising . Charity shops are businesses and as such are
priced pretty competitively.
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Just to clarify - having grown up poor & our family *needing* to buy toys and clothes from charity shops stigmatising isn’t at all my intention and sorry if I’ve upset anyone who felt like that - I just think it’s important to keep decent stock in for families in that situation now (and with 1/4 children growing up in poverty, there’s a lot of them!), rather than comfortable people gleefully raiding them for bargains, *especially* for kids bits, homeware and even clothes feel less icky. I get they’re a business endeavour trying to raise money for charities but they’re also a useful resource for low income families, a reasonable balance needs to be struck IMO 🤷🏻‍♀️

I feel the same about people taking free kids bits from Facebook no buy pages and that recently caused a ruckus locally so can fully imagine I’m in the minority with this view 😳
 
heretoreaditall2019 said:
Just to clarify - having grown up poor & our family *needing* to buy toys and clothes from charity shops stigmatising isn’t at all my intention and sorry if I’ve upset anyone who felt like that - I just think it’s important to keep decent stock in for families in that situation now (and with 1/4 children growing up in poverty, there’s a lot of them!), rather than comfortable people gleefully raiding them for bargains, *especially* for kids bits, homeware and even clothes feel less icky. I get they’re a business endeavour trying to raise money for charities but they’re also a useful resource for low income families, a reasonable balance needs to be struck IMO 🤷🏻‍♀️

I feel the same about people taking free kids bits from Facebook no buy pages and that recently caused a ruckus locally so can fully imagine I’m in the minority with this view 😳
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I think there is such a surplus of everything right now that there are more than enough kids clothes to go around. I’d assume when you were growing up fast fashion wasn’t at the level it is now. I have to say I have zero issue with Alex shopping in a charity shop, as an influencer I think it’s setting a good example for others.
I currently have an attic full of kids stuff I was keeping for my sister in law. Tons of clothes. She doesn’t want any of it, she wants to buy the stuff new. It’s not for me to impose any of it on her, & I certainly am in no way resentful or judgemental. But I do think if influencers etc but second hand it might draw people’s attention to fast fashion.
 
heretoreaditall2019 said:
Just to clarify - having grown up poor & our family *needing* to buy toys and clothes from charity shops stigmatising isn’t at all my intention and sorry if I’ve upset anyone who felt like that - I just think it’s important to keep decent stock in for families in that situation now (and with 1/4 children growing up in poverty, there’s a lot of them!), rather than comfortable people gleefully raiding them for bargains, *especially* for kids bits, homeware and even clothes feel less icky. I get they’re a business endeavour trying to raise money for charities but they’re also a useful resource for low income families, a reasonable balance needs to be struck IMO 🤷🏻‍♀️

I feel the same about people taking free kids bits from Facebook no buy pages and that recently caused a ruckus locally so can fully imagine I’m in the minority with this view 😳
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I can see where you’re coming from but in a lot of areas charity shops have changed so much in the last 20 or so years. Charities rely hugely on their shops to get as much money as they can from donations to fund their vital work. I’ve volunteered in one on and off for about 8 years and the quality of donations we get is astonishing. But there’s no way we would get this high end, good quality, looked after stuff if we then priced it all at 10p a pop. Unfortunately the goal isn’t to provide cheap stuff for struggling families, it’s to generate income for the charity as a whole.

Baby banks/specific charities seem to help fill the gap charity shops once did and that’s great. I had a bag of good quality work stuff (decent brands too) and I found the local ‘work’ charity which helps women for interviews and getting back in to work. I think when people want their donated items to help those that are struggling (rather than fund charity work) then these are good ways to do it.

I agree that charity shops have become amazing places for encouraging buying second hand, donating stuff you don’t want anymore and reducing the consumption cycle a lot of us have been in. I wish more influencers would shop second hand and draw attention to its many benefits!
 
Thank you for both your insights and you’re right, the sheer excess of stuff these days does change things and wasn’t something I considered!

Although I defs don’t think charity shops need to price at 10p, but my point is a £2 dinosaur is potentially accessible to a low income family whereas a £20 likely isn’t. Like it opens up a wider range of toys for that family, I’ll stop discussing this tho cos it is a debate that lots of people have diff opinions on so I’m derailing this thread - sorry! x
 
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