Mumsnet #8 Give us a diagram, you CF.

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MediumLoad said:
In my idle moments, I have a notion to start a CF parking thread but use diagrams from other threads to see if anyone notices.

I bet some sad fucker would though.
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If you think about it, the parking threads are the most outing, sod DH and his medieval re-enactment hobby. They draw their house, next door, her over the road, next door but one and the corner shop - it wouldn't take too long using the satellite version of google maps to pinpoint their exact house, go round, knock on the door and tell them to give their head a wobble.
 
Serene Serena said:
If you think about it, the parking threads are the most outing, sod DH and his medieval re-enactment hobby. They draw their house, next door, her over the road, next door but one and the corner shop - it wouldn't take too long using the satellite version of google maps to pinpoint their exact house, go round, knock on the door and tell them to give their head a wobble.
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And then they would have to say they just had a glass of wine and couldn't move their car and um something about a rugby team who could lift it. 😝
 
Ah here we go again, mirror is spotless but dog is back. This time he’s thinking “thank duck she got rid of the zebra hooves”.

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PrincessCharming said:
There should be a “what is your dog wearing today?” thread.
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That would be great! Imagine all the side arguments they could have;

cruel to dress dogs
Cruel to have dogs
Dogs are scum and the owners are worse
Dogs maul babies and parents who have them are evil
Dogs are the best things ever and in a house fire I would save my dog over my child
I was bitten by a dog when I was three and I scream and shake at the mere sight of a dog
Won’t someone think of the children
Dogs are racist because it stops certain groups of people being able to come into your house
No it doesn’t don’t be ridiculous
Someone describes the dogs but won’t post a photo because their dog is outing
Someone uploads that photo from the channel 4 documentary of some bloke dressed as a dog
Three people spit out their wine
Someone wakes their breastfeeding baby up shaking with laughter
Someone tries to reignite the dressing dogs is cruel thing but there’s a parking thread with a diagram and it looks to be a three-threader so it’s just ignored
 
Pebbleybeach said:
That would be great! Imagine all the side arguments they could have;

cruel to dress dogs
Cruel to have dogs
Dogs are scum and the owners are worse
Dogs maul babies and parents who have them are evil
Dogs are the best things ever and in a house fire I would save my dog over my child
I was bitten by a dog when I was three and I scream and shake at the mere sight of a dog
Won’t someone think of the children
Dogs are racist because it stops certain groups of people being able to come into your house
No it doesn’t don’t be ridiculous
Someone describes the dogs but won’t post a photo because their dog is outing
Someone uploads that photo from the channel 4 documentary of some bloke dressed as a dog
Three people spit out their wine
Someone wakes their breastfeeding baby up shaking with laughter
Someone tries to reignite the dressing dogs is cruel thing but there’s a parking thread with a diagram and it looks to be a three-threader so it’s just ignored
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Don’t forget the type of dog you have denotes what class you are. There’d be several arguments over whether French Bulldogs are chavvy or not and everyone would be scrambling to declare they have a rescue mutt who will only shop for clothes at Oxfam (but always picks up an incredible bargain).
 
It is the end of the year, and so I have once again ranked my top 5 favourite mumsnet-isms:

5. The use of handmaiden as a noun - the handsmaids tale is to mumsnet what Harry Potter is to millennials. Every time a poster uses it as a get out of jail free card I just want to grab my bullhorn and shout into the void for them to please, for the love of Bette Davis, read another book.

4. It's covids fault my kid is ugly/bratty/short/dumber than a bag of hammers/ eats McDonald's cheeseburgers/ failed to follow in my footsteps by being admitted into Oxbridge at age 5 - inheriting the throne of blame from Brexit.

3. My husband has just started sleeping with three pillows instead of two. He must be having an affair. There is no other explanation. Ltb. Now. Call the police and make a report just to be safe.

2. Give your head a wobble/did you mean to be so rude? -- why, yes, I did. That's why I said it.

1. "Just tell them that they have to." -- in mumsnet world, where the posters are indeed the very gaslighting narcassists they're so obsessed with, as long as you tell somebody that they have to do something, they cease to have free will. Your word is law, and you TOLD them. Poof. Friend, foe, professional, or stranger on the street-- no problem is too big or small provided you tell somebody exactly what they're going to do with their own lives/money/time.

Lifetime achievement award - I have one of those filthy, subhuman workmen coming to over. WIBU to make them drink a bottle of bleach to cleanse their insides before allowing them to set eyes on my pristine, sacred, personal lavatory?
 
Serene Serena said:
Mumsnet is a paradise for perverts. As long as they are subtle (see the children’s names for genitalia as an example) they actually get plenty of wank fodder before they’re busted. Some posters are unbelievably naive too, and don’t realise they’re replying to a bloke with one hand down his trousers.
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But they are OBSESSED with the mythical poo troll. Threads inviting descriptions of children's genitals in minute details? Ay-okay. Threads demanding all the juicy tales of a 12 year old girls first period? Nothing to see here. Threads that contain the word poo? Somebody better summon Fuhrer Justine immediatly.

Because, you know, pervs everywhere are falling over them to know the state of some obese 47 year old woman from Yorkshires irritable bowel.
Then again, I think mumsnet is poo obsessed. I still occassionally have war flashbacks to that time a poster asked for advice after her husband got diahorrea on the carpet and they all refused to help until she uploaded multiple photos of said diarrhea on carpet. Then when she did, occussed her of being the poo troll for uploading them.
 
Gym&Tonic said:
Has anyone see the thread in relationships where a woman claims she found a mini vibrator in her husbands car? It’s obviously total bollocks written by some sad old perve, but they are all lapping it up.
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Completely encouraged by the posters suggesting it’s the teen daughter or sharing stories of how they used to sneak off to the car to use a vibrator when living at home. Grim 🤢
 
Poguely said:
But they are OBSESSED with the mythical poo troll. Threads inviting descriptions of children's genitals in minute details? Ay-okay. Threads demanding all the juicy tales of a 12 year old girls first period? Nothing to see here. Threads that contain the word poo? Somebody better summon Fuhrer Justine immediatly.

Because, you know, pervs everywhere are falling over them to know the state of some obese 47 year old woman from Yorkshires irritable bowel.
Then again, I think mumsnet is poo obsessed. I still occassionally have war flashbacks to that time a poster asked for advice after her husband got diahorrea on the carpet and they all refused to help until she uploaded multiple photos of said diarrhea on carpet. Then when she did, occussed her of being the poo troll for uploading them.
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The actual poo troll, the copraphiliac, posts
about soiling themselves in public and encourages posters to share similar stories. Nothing mythical about this particular beast, he’s out there and he’s real. 🤮🤮🤮🤮
 
Serene Serena said:
The actual poo troll, the copraphiliac, posts
about soiling themselves in public and encourages posters to share similar stories. Nothing mythical about this particular beast, he’s out there and he’s real. 🤮🤮🤮🤮
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Oh, he absoloutely is, but they are hyperfixated on him. The post I mentioned above was just some poor woman posting 'yo, my husband is really sick and pooped on the bedroom carpet. Can you all tell me the best way to clean it up before it stains?' and they spent the first 20 pages bullying her into posting photos, then the next 20 pages bullying her for posting photos. At the end of the day, the poo troll is a bit like quicksand. He really isn't as big a problem as they make him out to be. At least not compared to the multiple pervs each day asking for updates on their pre-teen children's pubic hair growth, of whom few seem to care anything about or even notice.
 
The absolute abject nastiness and scathing comments and vitriol over people cutting some pancakes into Christmas shapes is quite something. A grass is desperately in need of a touch! I had a rotten bleeping childhood and will do everything I can to give my child the complete polar (see what I did there!) opposite. I'd rather be making Santa hats out of strawberries than sat around obsessing over class and thinking fairy lights on bleeping sheep is aspirational.

We're off to Disneyland Paris tomorrow for 4 days and we'll be having a North Pole Breakfast before we set off. Taking the kid out of school for a long weekend too, so duck you you joyless manky bleak dismal dreary cunts. AND I'm putting all my Christmas trees up before we go, yes TREES, I had 6 at last count, QUELLE HOREUR 😱
 
Absolutely loving the thread on whether or not Mnetters will be boycotting Balenciaga, which they can all definitely afford.

You have all the classic problematic reverse snobbery of 'why would I pay all that money to look like a rapper'. Someone has turned it into an anti-trans thread about 5 posts in. I'm just waiting for the pile on of posters who've never heard of Balenciaga because they're too superior to follow fashion.
 
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