Liz Jones #6 She's not a war correspondent, she writes a column detailing how she waxes herself and poops in restaurants

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Votes for what happens at Christmas:

Will he go to the work party?

Will put Liz spend 1000s of pounds on him, scream that she isn't materialistic, and then moan he hasn't bought her enough and everyone takes advantage of her?

David will be dragged up to try and whip up some jealousy?

Will the myla thong have another outing?


Ooh I do love a prediction!

Here’s mine:

He says he’ll go to the Christmas party.
Our heroine takes days to get prepped. Fanny waxed, teeth steamed, rents a designer dress from my Theresa, midnight storm hair retinted…eyelashes separated with a pin, make up brushes laid out on a towel like she’s about to perform open heart surgery (you know…we’ve read it all before. Countless times)
How very remiss of me - I nearly forgot! The Myla thong has been dry cleaned. It sits snugly on her bald flaps and tuppence.
HE Neil (the German/not German) is a no show, thus giving her the opportunity to regurgitate Kevin/Osama BL lookalike story again from New Year’s Eve (millennium)
 
The Devils Arse said:
Especially as she keeps mentioning she doesn't eat. maybe this doesn't same is the same as her version of not drinking.

Votes for what happens at Christmas:

Will he go to the work party?

Will put Liz spend 1000s of pounds on him, scream that she isn't materialistic, and then moan he hasn't bought her enough and everyone takes advantage of her?

David will be dragged up to try and whip up some jealousy?

Will the myla thong have another outing?
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I'd bet money on all of the above!
 
Here's the thing that baffles me and makes me hope that her horrible avaricious newspaper persona is not the real her or a reflection of her actual situation - she's written before about how she was "never told about savings or pensions", is too worried about money to fully fill the car up with petrol and is still paying a mortgage even at her age, with her income streams rapidly drying up like her haunted vagina. Yet she spends money on luxury nonsense like designer clothes and homeware, beauty treatments etc etc etc like she's a millionaire. So either she does have or is earning more money than she makes out (in which case, her pleadings of poverty are disgusting and offensive to all those older women who have genuinely been left in the financial lurch), she expects to or has inherited a massive chunk (in which case, why is she so nasty about her family in print?), or she's spending money she doesn't have without a thought to how she might have to live or who might look after her in the future (even though she's shovelled enough tit, animal and verbal, I can't see Bebb signing up to change La Jones' incontinence pants) - in which case I feel a horrified lurch in the pit of my stomach on her behalf, because a future without financial stability is not a pleasant thought
 
MavisBeacon said:
Here's the thing that baffles me and makes me hope that her horrible avaricious newspaper persona is not the real her or a reflection of her actual situation - she's written before about how she was "never told about savings or pensions", is too worried about money to fully fill the car up with petrol and is still paying a mortgage even at her age, with her income streams rapidly drying up like her haunted vagina. Yet she spends money on luxury nonsense like designer clothes and homeware, beauty treatments etc etc etc like she's a millionaire. So either she does have or is earning more money than she makes out (in which case, her pleadings of poverty are disgusting and offensive to all those older women who have genuinely been left in the financial lurch), she expects to or has inherited a massive chunk (in which case, why is she so nasty about her family in print?), or she's spending money she doesn't have without a thought to how she might have to live or who might look after her in the future (even though she's shovelled enough tit, animal and verbal, I can't see Bebb signing up to change La Jones' incontinence pants) - in which case I feel a horrified lurch in the pit of my stomach on her behalf, because a future without financial stability is not a pleasant thought
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I think she's simply unable/unwilling to live within her means. She knows buying people expensive sruff she can't afford ends up with her resenting the other person, but keeps doing it. She buys expensive stuff for her home, rather than get basic high street appliances etc. She lives hundreds of miles from where her work is, she's done this over and over, despite it never working out and her complaining about driving etc. I don't know whether she feels entitled to *the best* but she's certainly unable to learn from her mistakes. The most frustrating thing about her is mistakes made are endlessly repeated.
 
Miss Lola said:
Votes for what happens at Christmas:

Will he go to the work party?

Will put Liz spend 1000s of pounds on him, scream that she isn't materialistic, and then moan he hasn't bought her enough and everyone takes advantage of her?

David will be dragged up to try and whip up some jealousy?

Will the myla thong have another outing?


Ooh I do love a prediction!

Here’s mine:

He says he’ll go to the Christmas party.
Our heroine takes days to get prepped. Fanny waxed, teeth steamed, rents a designer dress from my Theresa, midnight storm hair retinted…eyelashes separated with a pin, make up brushes laid out on a towel like she’s about to perform open heart surgery (you know…we’ve read it all before. Countless times)
How very remiss of me - I nearly forgot! The Myla thong has been dry cleaned. It sits snugly on her bald flaps and tuppence.
HE Neil (the German/not German) is a no show, thus giving her the opportunity to regurgitate Kevin/Osama BL lookalike story again from New Year’s Eve (millennium)
Click to expand...

Plucked and steamed to perfection, the jilted pensioner totters off to the party alone. Here she makes a beeline for the hot young intern. Fuelled by large amounts of free booze, the young man mistakenly thinks that shagging the UK's 'most read columnist' will help his career. And he's never been to a 5 star hotel. In the early hours of the morning, exhausted by her young lover's energy, Liz wakes to find him straddling her while glugging from a can of Stella.
Cue her next column in which she discusses the lack of manners of the younger generation, irresponsible parents and the moral failings of society in general.
 
ThePelican said:
Doesn't she get quite a good wage for the Diary?
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Yup, but she's self-employed and has a sketchy record of paying her taxes...
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MavisBeacon said:
Here's the thing that baffles me and makes me hope that her horrible avaricious newspaper persona is not the real her or a reflection of her actual situation - she's written before about how she was "never told about savings or pensions", is too worried about money to fully fill the car up with petrol and is still paying a mortgage even at her age, with her income streams rapidly drying up like her haunted vagina. Yet she spends money on luxury nonsense like designer clothes and homeware, beauty treatments etc etc etc like she's a millionaire. So either she does have or is earning more money than she makes out (in which case, her pleadings of poverty are disgusting and offensive to all those older women who have genuinely been left in the financial lurch), she expects to or has inherited a massive chunk (in which case, why is she so nasty about her family in print?), or she's spending money she doesn't have without a thought to how she might have to live or who might look after her in the future (even though she's shovelled enough tit, animal and verbal, I can't see Bebb signing up to change La Jones' incontinence pants) - in which case I feel a horrified lurch in the pit of my stomach on her behalf, because a future without financial stability is not a pleasant thought
Click to expand...
But... it's all fiction! She didn't go to London, she didn't stay in a £500 hotel, she didn't have a £400 dinner, she didn't buy a £450 jumper because Herman/Neil DOESN'T EXIST.
She hacks out 600 words of drunken bilge trying to appear relevant, sexual, vibrant.
She is a virtual recluse with a drink problem and a laptop. If she really is paid a quid a word, the vultures are circling.
 
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MavisBeacon said:
Here's the thing that baffles me and makes me hope that her horrible avaricious newspaper persona is not the real her or a reflection of her actual situation - she's written before about how she was "never told about savings or pensions", is too worried about money to fully fill the car up with petrol and is still paying a mortgage even at her age, with her income streams rapidly drying up like her haunted vagina. Yet she spends money on luxury nonsense like designer clothes and homeware, beauty treatments etc etc etc like she's a millionaire. So either she does have or is earning more money than she makes out (in which case, her pleadings of poverty are disgusting and offensive to all those older women who have genuinely been left in the financial lurch), she expects to or has inherited a massive chunk (in which case, why is she so nasty about her family in print?), or she's spending money she doesn't have without a thought to how she might have to live or who might look after her in the future (even though she's shovelled enough tit, animal and verbal, I can't see Bebb signing up to change La Jones' incontinence pants) - in which case I feel a horrified lurch in the pit of my stomach on her behalf, because a future without financial stability is not a pleasant thought
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I think she’s spending money she doesn’t have (or she’s lying about it) - that was how she got made bankrupt in the first place.
And she really doesn‘t seem to have any sense about money. An interest-only mortgage in her mid 60’s (if that’s indeed what she has)? She will never own that house.
 
I think she lies about pretty much everything.

Not least because quite often she'll bang on about stuff in print to do with her house and then you'll see pictures she's shared on her socials that really don't match the witterings in the Fail.
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Also - a big lie by omission was when she reconnected with David 1.0.

She totally left out that they'd met again inbetween 1983 and 2013 or whenever it was.

She is no more than a lying liar who lies.
 
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WordSalad said:
Plucked and steamed to perfection, the jilted pensioner totters off to the party alone. Here she makes a beeline for the hot young intern. Fuelled by large amounts of free booze, the young man mistakenly thinks that shagging the UK's 'most read columnist' will help his career. And he's never been to a 5 star hotel. In the early hours of the morning, exhausted by her young lover's energy, Liz wakes to find him straddling her while glugging from a can of Stella.
Cue her next column in which she discusses the lack of manners of the younger generation, irresponsible parents and the moral failings of society in general.
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Liz: Reader, I married him (again)
 
The latest from Liz.
Can‘t read the whole thing, as it’s behind a paywall, but I thought “cuckold” was a term that only applies to men? 🤔

IMG_5987.jpeg
 
lilyannrose said:
Same here, Tabitha.

The award winning journalist showing once again what an awful writer she is. She often uses words totally incorrectly.
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She could easily have used "cheated on". Maybe we should send her a dictionary for Christmas. After all we all know her address, given all the stuff she's put online.

Also, why does she always bring herself into the conversation? She's not a celebrity and no one gives a tit about her marriage. What use would Googling a nobody be? It would only bring up the tit articles she 'writes' or rather word vomits. Look, Jug Ears, the world doesn't revolve around you, the sun doesn't shine out of your arse, nobody cares about your serial misery memoirs, and you're so desperate that you [are pretending to] throw money and a steam cleaned fanny at a man who's only using you and going home to his missus, leaving you - the mistress - behind.
 
Blurp said:
She could easily have used "cheated on". Maybe we should send her a dictionary for Christmas. After all we all know her address, given all the stuff she's put online.

Also, why does she always bring herself into the conversation? She's not a celebrity and no one gives a tit about her marriage. What use would Googling a nobody be? It would only bring up the tit articles she 'writes' or rather word vomits. Look, Jug Ears, the world doesn't revolve around you, the sun doesn't shine out of your arse, nobody cares about your serial misery memoirs, and you're so desperate that you [are pretending to] throw money and a steam cleaned fanny at a man who's only using you and going home to his missus, leaving you - the mistress - behind.
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Why does she think so highly of herself? No wonder her ex cheated he probably had enough of her being so stuck up and big headed.
 
Blurp said:
She could easily have used "cheated on". Maybe we should send her a dictionary for Christmas. After all we all know her address, given all the stuff she's put online.

Also, why does she always bring herself into the conversation? She's not a celebrity and no one gives a tit about her marriage. What use would Googling a nobody be? It would only bring up the tit articles she 'writes' or rather word vomits. Look, Jug Ears, the world doesn't revolve around you, the sun doesn't shine out of your arse, nobody cares about your serial misery memoirs, and you're so desperate that you [are pretending to] throw money and a steam cleaned fanny at a man who's only using you and going home to his missus, leaving you - the mistress - behind.
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Quite! “Once news of our split made the front pages…” sorry, what? Oh to be as deluded as Liz.
 
This weeks:

Firstly, ‘spending Christmas with his ex wife and child’ 😂😂😂
That old chestnut! She’s not an ex, love. Who do you think he was frantically messaging at 1am?!
Quite a few for the bingo card this week:
✅ ‘Coke-gate’
✅ ‘stood up on millennium eve’
✅ random shoehorning in of designer names
Obviously, The German is going to not show up on NYE. We also don’t know yet if he made it to her Christmas party which was the 16th I believe. I think The Diary is about 3 weeks behind?
 
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