Liz Jones #6 She's not a war correspondent, she writes a column detailing how she waxes herself and poops in restaurants

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witchofwestbyfleet

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Title by @itsjustsomoving, slightly amended for length/no swearing in titles. Actual title is "She’s not a war correspondent. She writes a weekly column detailing how she waxes her muff and shits in restaurants"

Recap:
  • Liz is on again and off again with the Fictional German, Fictional Scrace, and numerous others
  • Nic hasn't been heard from in a while, we hope this is because she's finally got sick of Jonesy rather than because her health has deteriorated
  • Liz has "paused" her Substack (we doubt it's coming back) because "she can't work on the allotment during winter." Nothing to do with dropping subscriptions, and/or the commenter who told her in no certain terms that The Turtle's Head is a disgustingly misogynistic rape fantasy as well as being horribly written
  • She continues to spare no detail about when she last had a shag, that she waxed her muff beforehand, that they did anal, that she wore the Myla Thong, that she had thrush or an STD or cystitis or is suffering from treatable vaginal atrophy because she refuses to use HRT (putting hormones in your body is BAD but putting Botox, fillers, surgical implements, etc. in it is good!)
  • She's building up this year's Christmas "story" which is again going to be that she was abandoned by her partner of the week at the last minute after spending thousands of pounds on presents for him and thousands of hours steaming and waxing herself
  • She had glandular fever
  • Actually hasn't mentioned the dogs in a while, given her terrible record as an owner it is a miracle that they all seem to live as long as they do
  • Comments are BACK on the Dreary but you can only see them if you have Mail+
Wiki on the pink button for newcomers
 
The comments are still being purged... but lazily. For some inexplicable reason my first comment absolutely couldn't get through... but the subsequent ones did. Weird.
The Shitstack peaked at just over 250 subscribers (bwahaha) and she's lazy as a toad, so no surprises there! I think the subscriber telling her exactly what we all felt about the Turtle's Head when it first emerged nailed that coffin shut. Just stick it on the pile of failed projects.
She seems to be doing fewer op-ed farticles too, so (fingers crossed) this might be the beginning of the end. She's so "last century" it's becoming a joke.
There's a comment on the Dreary asking why she doesn't just write about village life... it's because she doesn't have either the ability or any immersion into village life.
The current drivel of Neil/Herman is so amateurishly concocted as to be as embarrassing as it is stomach-turning.
Fingers crossed her annual review draws the whole car-crash to a welcome close.
 
He can’t do Christmas…well, well, there’s a surprise! 😉 Words come cheap and he is full of tit this bloke is.

She won’t learn, already buying the manly presents, setting herself up for a massive fall.

If she was ever mad enough to go along with his plan of moving to London to be with him, he would let her down right at the last minute. She is stupid to even consider it.
 
I’m watching this exact scenario play out with a friend and her ‘boyfriend’. It’s excruciating see him breadcrumb her and her giving her all to him time and again even down to buying him designer gear and stuff planning Christmas together which he keeps umming and ahhing about.
She’s starting to wake up to him now
 
ClockworkDolly said:
He can’t do Christmas…well, well, there’s a surprise! 😉 Words come cheap and he is full of tit this bloke is.

She won’t learn, already buying the manly presents, setting herself up for a massive fall.

If she was ever mad enough to go along with his plan of moving to London to be with him, he would let her down right at the last minute. She is stupid to even consider it.
Click to expand...
I think it's worth remembering he *doesn't exist*.
 
I was just pondering on the 1am scenario- Swiss Tony frantically texting and buggering off very suddenly.
He did the same thing when he stayed at her ‘sex ready’ vicarage/annexe didn’t he? Couldn’t stay for lunch. Then ghosted her.
Now he can’t make Christmas…hmmm
I do hope he’s fictional as even Liz can’t be that bloody stupid to ignore the bleedin’ obvious, can she?
That article she wrote a few weeks back, about WhatsApp gaffes, the inference was he is ‘real’
Do we know beyond a reasonable doubt he doesn’t exist? 🤔
 
Miss Lola said:
I was just pondering on the 1am scenario- Swiss Tony frantically texting and buggering off very suddenly.
He did the same thing when he stayed at her ‘sex ready’ vicarage/annexe didn’t he? Couldn’t stay for lunch. Then ghosted her.
Now he can’t make Christmas…hmmm
I do hope he’s fictional as even Liz can’t be that bloody stupid to ignore the bleedin’ obvious, can she?
That article she wrote a few weeks back, about WhatsApp gaffes, the inference was he is ‘real’
Do we know beyond a reasonable doubt he doesn’t exist? 🤔
Click to expand...
She couldn't even remember if he was current or binned... so I think that answers that.
I am 100% sure the whole sorry saga is born of her loneliness, her drinking and the fact that she is yesterday's news. She can't even be arsed to work on her own allotment.
Didn't she imply she'd been to Milan or similar recently? Plainly bollocks. She has a Twatter account which is half-arsed and mainly re-tweets blowing smoke up other journalists' hoohahs.
She's evidently failed to integrate in Gainford, probably because she insists it's in Yorkshire and not in County Durham.
She's writing about the life she thinks she ought to have had (in her opinion) 30 or 40 years ago. Unfortunately, she's forgotten what she was like in those days: promoted beyond her abilities and thoroughly unpleasant.
The fact that even Mail+ are censoring comments show how loathed she is.
 
And away we go again! A reinforcement of how unmaterialistic she is followed by a litany of prices she has paid for things plus a couple of eye-openers (how, exactly, does a chap 'straddle' a pensioner?) and the welcome return of "how old are you? 12?"
Enjoy!
 

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Mediastar said:
And away we go again! A reinforcement of how unmaterialistic she is followed by a litany of prices she has paid for things plus a couple of eye-openers (how, exactly, does a chap 'straddle' a pensioner?) and the welcome return of "how old are you? 12?"
Enjoy!
Click to expand...
If any of this is real, I honestly think it's a new storyline a long con thing, then whhhyyyy is she making all the same mistakes! Reduces her partner to a list of amounts paid out, stupidity. He plainly lives with someone, she's at best a free dinner and pity shag.
 
* ‘it’s hard dating the UK’s most read writer’ 🤣🤣🤣 seriously?! Is she having a laugh? The delusion is off the bleeping charts with that statement.

*I don’t understand how Royal Mail posting a missed delivery card through your door equates with you being treated like a 1950s housewife. I’m not so sharp this morning, having made the fatal mistake of mixing my drinks last night, (Prosecco and gin) but I genuinely can’t fathom this one? 🤷‍♀️
 
Miss Lola said:
* ‘it’s hard dating the UK’s most read writer’ 🤣🤣🤣 seriously?! Is she having a laugh? The delusion is off the bleeping charts with that statement.

*I don’t understand how Royal Mail posting a missed delivery card through your door equates with you being treated like a 1950s housewife. I’m not so sharp this morning, having made the fatal mistake of mixing my drinks last night, (Prosecco and gin) but I genuinely can’t fathom this one? 🤷‍♀️
Click to expand...
Yup, I'm the same. I have had problems with Royal Mail recently, I'm definitely not a 1950s housewife... maybe there's a link between those two things that I don't yet know about. Maybe I should pay more attention to the UK's most-read writer! Having said that, this is a woman who starts a sentence with "I'm not materialistic" and ends it by saying she wants to be bought things, so I'm not sure I trust what she writes all that much 🤔
 
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