Liz Jones #4 Why am I so miserable and can't get a shag? Is it because I smell and am a drunken old hag?

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Sam5262 said:
What happened to the west country place she had? Did she lose it? I seem to recall the locals weren’t very keen on her 🙄 she was moaning if I recall about potshots being taken at her letter box at one point.
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That was quite a few years ago, can't remember all the in's and out's of it, but after that she moved to Yorkshire, bought a massive house, had exactly the same effect on the neighbours there, then as a result of not paying tax, she was made bankrupt and had to sell the house. She has moaned on about it ever since, even though it was all her fault. She's now living in a rented cottage, still in Yorkshire, still moaning and complaining and generally pissing everyone she comes across off.
 
Pauline’s Pens said:
Title if her musical should be ‘Tone Deaf’…sums up the rest of her writing!
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Surely "Poor Meeee... a Jug-Eared Bankrupt's Story of Loss and Perdition".
Starring:
Anita Wingnut (79) as Old Juggo, a simple Essex lass with a pocket full of dreams and a wallet full of moths.
David Madeup as fictitious boyfriend #1
David Alsomadeup as fictitious boyfriend #2
David TheonlynameIcanthinkof as Definitely Not Jim Kerr
Laugh as gauche young Juggo mistakes money for breeding.
Cheer as she's dragged off to Newgate Debtors' Prison for fraud
Roll your eyes as her delusions of grandeur and attractiveness drag on into pensionhood.
Yawn as the first ten minutes are infinitely recycled.

Some reviews:
"I hanged myself after reading the notes in the programme... it seemed like the easy way out". Evening Standard.
"Ms Jones seems to have confused herself with someone else... who happens to have a modicum of talent. The fact the show closed after the first interval tells you all you need to know". UK Press Gazette.
"A rip-roaring, toe-tapping hit! Will run & run!". Ms N Bebb, Hindley Ward, North Yorks Special Facility for the Terminally Bewildered.
 
This week, I sat through a modern version of Oklahoma, and it was the worst thing I've ever seen. The only good thing was, it was so bad that it made complete strangers in the audience talk to each other. But I'd still rather sit through that again than watch a musical written by Liz Jones. She couldn't carry a tune if it had handles on, so what makes her think she can write a musical?

Possible tunes:

"Jogging to Pineapple"
"Pissy Duvets"
"That's Me in the Corner of a Room at the Dorchester, Not Being Shagged"
 
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Was her childhood really as poor and depressing as she claims?
I recall some years ago reading an article by her where she recalled school swimming lessons when she had to dry herself on the dogs towel as it was the only one her mum could spare!
Really, I was at school with quite a few poor people, but I don’t recall any of them having to make do with the dogs towel for swimming.
She’s got to be mistaken, surely.
 
Shinealight said:
Was her childhood really as poor and depressing as she claims?
I recall some years ago reading an article by her where she recalled school swimming lessons when she had to dry herself on the dogs towel as it was the only one her mum could spare!
Really, I was at school with quite a few poor people, but I don’t recall any of them having to make do with the dogs towel for swimming.
She’s got to be mistaken, surely.
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That sounds more like a sign of poor organisation than a sign of poverty to me but who knows really.
They could afford swimming lessons for her and her attachment to horses started at a young age too so they can't have been absolutely on the breadline. She recalls spending her early wages on absolute nonsense too - surely if she grew up poor she'd be more inclined to save money and/or try to support her parents a bit?
 
Blurp said:
Surely she isn't that important? I would have thought that it would put people off M&S plus it coming back with dog piss all over it, only fit for binning.
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She'll still have connections in the UK fashion industry, so borrowing a sweater wouldn't be hard. Most of the general public would be unbothered - if you're already a fan of the store, you're not going to be put off by LJ wearing a piece of their clothing. Mind you, she'd be turned down if she asked a top-flight designer for a loan. She probably wouldn't even get a discount.
 
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