Late Diagnosis ADHD/ADD (Women) #2

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Aliali23 said:
Does anyone see themselves in their children and worry for them? Im diagnosed adhd. My daughter is often 'too much' for other people, im pretty sure she has adhd. She sometimes comes across as spoilt and selfish but I can feel the way she feels does that make sense? I'm constantly trying to get her to 'conform', I know its wrong, but I just want her to fit in with society, but feel I'm damaging her and building her mask. Im sure some of you will understand. Does anyone have any advice or anything you wish you'd been told as a child.
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Yes, but the other way around (my daughters are diagnosed asd but I havent sought a diagnosis). Mine come across as rude as they both become mute when people talk to them. The only thing I can think I've done for them that I didn't have is to give them scripts for certain situations. So for example after paying in a shop you say 'thank you, bye'. Or if you see someone you know but can't bring yourself to speak then just smile. I had to work all of that out for myself.

i do struggle to guide them a bit regarding friendships as it is like the blind leading the blind. My eldest is 14 and wants to make friends at school, I bought her some sweets to offer out and told her what to say but she couldn't bring herself to offer them. I feel like I can't help with this as I was the same and still am. I know that she CAN'T initiate conversations with people, not that she won't.
 
yeoooo said:
It’s Monday - a new week. Lots to do. Bought a new notebook to write down my to-do list . Chances of them being actually completed and the notebook confined to the dust heap in a week
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I bought one of the digital planners from here https://futureadhd.com/ (actually bought it via Etsy, I think it was fractionally cheaper). She does printable ones as well. Something about it not being a bound notebook works better for me.

And these for work https://www.lyreco.com/webshop/ENEN...-list-notepad-product-000000000017922272.html
 
Hello… is this thread just for ADHD or can newly diagnosed with autism people join in? Apparently I don’t also have ADHD as I was too well behaved at school despite fitting all the criteria now but I feel like I have both as my mind is constantly at war with itself.
Summer holidays home with the kids and loving not having any routine but also absolutely hating have no routine and wasting so much of this free time I’m always desperate to have 😩😩
 
I'd recommend the "I have ADHD" podcast with Kristen Carder to anyone. She's got a specific focus on ADHD in women and the various symptoms and struggles of that, along with her own history of complex trauma which I personally find really helpful as I've got the same background. I've found her focus on self-compassion really useful especially as so many of us with ADHD / undiagnosed ADHD have spent our whole lives shaming ourselves for seeming inadequacies or 'failures' that are actually just expressions of our condition in actual fact.
 
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This is rather accurate.
 
I’m slowly reading this thread so this may have already have been asked and answered, apologies if it has.
I’m wanting to begin the journey of being assessed and potentially getting a diagnosis but don’t even know where to begin. I’ve long suspected I have ADHD and my biological brother was diagnosed in the 90s with it.
I’m fortunate enough to be able to go private but unsure if I’m best to go and see my doctor first? I’m also unsure what to say as I feel like they will try to tell me I’m stressed or depressed. Any advice appreciated xx
 
Simply put. Do the adhd test and I would go with as many examples as possible. I wouldn’t mention seeing anything online. I made a stupid joke and the first dr was really skeptical. I would think about private but only once you have an idea from the go about waiting lists and if you can transfer care there, if you do private and they won’t accept it then you are a bit stuck. It’s tit having to prove yourself, but worth it in the end. Just take as much as you can so they can’t say hormones.
 
Had some training this week about Autism/ADHD and through the whole thing I was just thinking "hang on, isn't that how everyone else experiences the world?"

In particular I've always had a problem with impulse control in conversations. If I [think I] know something, even if I'm not involved in the conversation, I have to say it and involve myself. It drives me bleeping nuts because I know it's not polite and half the time what I say isn't even accurate. I also often just blurt out the first thing that's on my mind which can come across as confrontational - for instance the other day a nurse came into our office and started a conversation (to the room) with "I want your team to see this person" to which I replied, without thinking "Well I want to win the lottery (with a smile on my face) - anyway, how can we help you?" Apparently that was rude and I should have just said yes we'll go see them right now. My manager's called me up about four times now since I started back at work post maternity leave (not even 6 full months yet) about how I talk with other staff. I find it impossible to change my tone to not come across as confrontational when people disagree with what I'm saying... I am very blunt and honest and tbh I don't see why I should have to adjust that because other people don't want to hear it.

The other day I was talking about some training that's coming up as recommended and some dates popped up, so I said to the others in the office "Oh this is online now, if anyone wants to book on, it looks quite interesting" and one of the other staff said something about how they're not going to bother as they don't see the point in it. I tried to explain what the point of it was from my point of view but they kept just repeating "Well I don't think that's a useful use of time" and arguing back with me which then made me more stressed so in the end I just said well if you don't want to go then don't which was quite abrupt. But what the duck am I meant to say to that?

I don't do it with patients and I think it clicked yesterday in the training that probably what's happening is I'm masking completely when I talk to patients/relatives/professionals outside of our little ward bubble and then when someone I perceive as "safe" asks me something I just let go completely. In my old team, the one I worked in and loved before maternity, they knew me super well and we had a lot of things in common, it was also a much smaller team and I was always in the position of being called into things as an expert rather than as a person who happens to be there and can fix it. I just don't know what else I can actually do about it because the repeated conversations of "Someone has said you were rude to them" and me crying at my manager about how it wasn't meant that way is getting to me.
 
I actually quit a job because of ADHD traits like these. I was in senior leadership, but struggled with not saying what was to me, blatantly obvious and helpful information, but that came across as "too direct" and contrary. I basically spent months handing people their asses on a plate and struggled to contain my own frustration on management strategies with my own team. I was also approaching ADHD burnout - actually that's a lie, I was well past the burnout at that point, as the work stress combined with stress in my personal life just overtook me completely.

I was lucky enough to be able to take months off to recuperate, and here's what I learned:

Most of my corporate jobs have required me to mask to the extreme. Be a high performing over-confident, nothing-bothers-me good girl, pleasing everyone and overextending myself, which eventually wears so thin that I lash out and go the other way. Fcuk everyone and fcuk everything. This is the first sign that the burnout is setting in. I appear to have a major attitude problem to others, while at the same time not understanding why I'm the only competent, honest person in the room.

Therapy has helped a lot with this. Specially DBT therapy. Two things can be true at once, others can have different views of things and we're both right in our own ways, everything has a cause.

ND folks tend to struggle with emotional regulation. I was undiagnosed til 38 and grew up in a dysfunctional family with emotional abuse and neglect. So there's a backlog of a lot of negative emotions there and I can default to "noone can be trusted, noone understands me"

Therapy therapy therapy for this. My life looks a lot more different now as I need certain things to regulate myself and come to work / life as my adult self. I need medication, daily morning exercise (yoga and pilates have literally changed my whole morning / life) boundaries with work and people. I've started telling people, "can you remind me of that/ would you mind taking the lead on texting me about that, I have ADHD so these small things can be hard for me."

My husband keeps me in check massively. He forces me away from my computer at 5. We eat together every night, so I've worked back to know that dinner needs to be in the oven by a certain time. If I'm going to be up for pilates at 7, i need to be in bed by 11 and pack my bag at 10. That type of thing. Personal accountability. I don't want to be that angry gremlin I was at work ever again. And I don't have to be - I can hold someone else's truth while knowing it doesnt represent my experience, which is equally valid, and then move on with my life, log out of work and get to my happy little evening routine.

I quit sugar last month and am already a 50% less erratic person. I also got my thyroid checked and medicated, don't underestimate the impact of your physical health on these symptoms.
 
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I'm 24 and honestly considering a private test.
I am on on the NHS waiting list but have been told it's a 3-4 year wait.

I've started a new job,an corporate admin job and honestly I cannot cope.

I've always worked in very very fast paced environments before where I've been either on my feet or a call centre with constant back to back calls all day long. I've never had this sedate, quiet, slow job before. I feel absolutely bored out my skull to the point I'm bored to tears.

I find myself unable to sit in my seat, I find myself walking up and down the 2 flights of stairs several times a day ( sometimes up and down 5 times each time, several times a day) simply because I'm too restless. I'm getting into bother at work because I'm not meeting expectations. I've been reported for tapping my foot repeatedly. I'm so understimulated (I've asked for extra work and there is none), it's like sitting at a desk all day in silence actually feels like I've got this awful itch over my body I cannot scratch. I struggle to maintain focus on the few tasks I do (all I do is fill in insurance forms and various admin odd jobs, formatting documents etc) and find myself moving between several small tasks and forgetting to keep track.

My work are aware I'm on the waiting list but nothing can be done until I'm diagnosed.

It's difficult because I feel like if I express these I'm being perceived as being dramatic or lazy. My parents are of the generation where they find adults with ADHD to be lazy and making excuses.
 
Princess of Scots said:
I'm 24 and honestly considering a private test.
I am on on the NHS waiting list but have been told it's a 3-4 year wait.

I've started a new job,an corporate admin job and honestly I cannot cope.

I've always worked in very very fast paced environments before where I've been either on my feet or a call centre with constant back to back calls all day long. I've never had this sedate, quiet, slow job before. I feel absolutely bored out my skull to the point I'm bored to tears.

I find myself unable to sit in my seat, I find myself walking up and down the 2 flights of stairs several times a day ( sometimes up and down 5 times each time, several times a day) simply because I'm too restless. I'm getting into bother at work because I'm not meeting expectations. I've been reported for tapping my foot repeatedly. I'm so understimulated (I've asked for extra work and there is none), it's like sitting at a desk all day in silence actually feels like I've got this awful itch over my body I cannot scratch. I struggle to maintain focus on the few tasks I do (all I do is fill in insurance forms and various admin odd jobs, formatting documents etc) and find myself moving between several small tasks and forgetting to keep track.

My work are aware I'm on the waiting list but nothing can be done until I'm diagnosed.

It's difficult because I feel like if I express these I'm being perceived as being dramatic or lazy. My parents are of the generation where they find adults with ADHD to be lazy and making excuses.
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Hi! I'm totally new to this thread but what you have written about your job totally resonates with me. I first started wondering if I may have ADHD when I started a new job 5 years ago. My experience is pretty much as you've described. I went from being in a big office with lots of people and lots going on to just being 1 person (me) in my office, sitting at a desk, and I just really struggle to get motivated and get things done.

My son was diagnosed with ADHD last month after waiting over 2 years. I've done a fair bit of research and realised that he most likely gets this from me. I would like to try and get assessed with a view to getting medication as I do think it would help me a lot in my current lifestyle. I worry that I will a) not be taken seriously (I'm in my 30s) and b) even if I was to be diagnosed, I wouldn't be considered for medication as I would be seen as coping. My feeling is I don't want to have to cope if there is a medication that can help. I am aware of many ways to help myself and somethings do help but I can't just make myself focus and I would actually like to keep my job. I have spent my whole life struggling with impulsiveness, making terrible decisions, the excessive spending, the excessive eating, the anger (seeing red), being exhausted, the chronic lateness. I scored 5 on the Think ADHD scale but tbh I didn't write an awful lot in the comments, I think I would have scored higher if I did. I have been putting off seeing a doctor about this for a long time, now my son is diagnosed, it's given me a bit of a push but I'm just worried I will get laughed at. Even with my son, the few people I've told he has been diagnosed have said "oh everyone has that nowadays"... It's off putting.
 
yellowmellow said:
Hi! I'm totally new to this thread but what you have written about your job totally resonates with me. I first started wondering if I may have ADHD when I started a new job 5 years ago. My experience is pretty much as you've described. I went from being in a big office with lots of people and lots going on to just being 1 person (me) in my office, sitting at a desk, and I just really struggle to get motivated and get things done.

My son was diagnosed with ADHD last month after waiting over 2 years. I've done a fair bit of research and realised that he most likely gets this from me. I would like to try and get assessed with a view to getting medication as I do think it would help me a lot in my current lifestyle. I worry that I will a) not be taken seriously (I'm in my 30s) and b) even if I was to be diagnosed, I wouldn't be considered for medication as I would be seen as coping. My feeling is I don't want to have to cope if there is a medication that can help. I am aware of many ways to help myself and somethings do help but I can't just make myself focus and I would actually like to keep my job. I have spent my whole life struggling with impulsiveness, making terrible decisions, the excessive spending, the excessive eating, the anger (seeing red), being exhausted, the chronic lateness. I scored 5 on the Think ADHD scale but tbh I didn't write an awful lot in the comments, I think I would have scored higher if I did. I have been putting off seeing a doctor about this for a long time, now my son is diagnosed, it's given me a bit of a push but I'm just worried I will get laughed at. Even with my son, the few people I've told he has been diagnosed have said "oh everyone has that nowadays"... It's off putting.
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Hi there. No self respecting doctor is going to laugh at you, especially when this is having quite an impact on your quality of life. I've been through the mill with the health system what with my ADHD and a few other chronic conditions, and what I will always do before a medical appointment is prepare in advance as follows:
- Write down all of my symptoms and the impact they have on my daily life in the Notes app on my phone.
- Write down anything else that can highlight my condition (for you, that would be your son's diagnosis since that is deeply relevant. ADHD is a genetically passed down condition, there's a 50% chance that a ND parent will have a ND child)
- Write down any questions I have (who will the referral go to? How long is the waiting list? Can I reach out to them myself?)
- Write down your desired next steps. I always know before I visit a specialist what exactly my desired outcome is (I'll thank my ADHD hyperfocus skillset for that!) I'll then remind myself in the waiting room "I am here for XYZ" before I go in
- And another tip from someone who has dealt with a bit of medical gaslighting in my time: if the doctor refuses to refer or investigate, I would request them to write that down in their notes for the appointment. "I'd like you to make a record of that refusal to refer please". Most GPs don't want to do this.

Another recommendation I'd give is to do a blood test. The GP will likely do this any way, since vitamin deficiencies such as low iron or thyroid issues can cause a lot of ADHD-like symptoms.
 
testingonetwothreefoiur said:
Hi there. No self respecting doctor is going to laugh at you, especially when this is having quite an impact on your quality of life. I've been through the mill with the health system what with my ADHD and a few other chronic conditions, and what I will always do before a medical appointment is prepare in advance as follows:
- Write down all of my symptoms and the impact they have on my daily life in the Notes app on my phone.
- Write down anything else that can highlight my condition (for you, that would be your son's diagnosis since that is deeply relevant. ADHD is a genetically passed down condition, there's a 50% chance that a ND parent will have a ND child)
- Write down any questions I have (who will the referral go to? How long is the waiting list? Can I reach out to them myself?)
- Write down your desired next steps. I always know before I visit a specialist what exactly my desired outcome is (I'll thank my ADHD hyperfocus skillset for that!) I'll then remind myself in the waiting room "I am here for XYZ" before I go in
- And another tip from someone who has dealt with a bit of medical gaslighting in my time: if the doctor refuses to refer or investigate, I would request them to write that down in their notes for the appointment. "I'd like you to make a record of that refusal to refer please". Most GPs don't want to do this.

Another recommendation I'd give is to do a blood test. The GP will likely do this any way, since vitamin deficiencies such as low iron or thyroid issues can cause a lot of ADHD-like symptoms.
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Thank you for this, it's very helpful. I have a full list of everything I can think of that relates to ADHD and examples of how it has affected me on my phone, ready to use. I just need to make the step and go for it, I think.

It's interesting what you say about the blood test, because I have actually been to the doctors for blood tests twice in the past 18 months because I was absolutely convinced I had an underactive thyroid, both sets came back clear of any obvious health issues, but I definitely wouldn't turn down having another set done.
 
For those that think medication wouldn’t be offered to them I’m going to share my experience.
i was diagnosed ADHD this year, I’m mid 30’s and a woman. She discussed medication and I replied with oh I don’t know I’ve not thought about it and she just looked at me and said I think you’d really benefit.
I have a successful career, I am a single parent to a teenager and run a house by myself. To the outside world I would be considered to function but it takes so much more effort for me to do that and that’s still minimising everything else in how ADHD impacts me.
I’m on the waiting list as I thought what’s the harm in trying. I don’t want to not be me but it would be nice for things to feel easier.
Please don’t think you won’t be taken seriously. I’ve been amazed at my experience. So much easier than what I’ve went through for my daughter
 
Hello everyone. I have recently referred myself to the adult adhd/asd services through my GP. This has been a bit of an epiphany for me following starting mounjaro weight loss injections and realising I have noooooo impulse control. Lots of other realisations happened and made me come to the realisation I am neurodivergent.
Since losing some weight (still lots to go!) I have started to begin to feel positive about myself and have taken some positive steps with my appearance for the first time in years 🥳
One thing I have always struggled with is makeup. I would love to wear makeup but I have always been too disorganised to build it into my routine. Do any of you have any advice for a hopeless mess like myself? 😂
My morning routine normally consists of alarm going off at 5.30, then 6. Then laying in bed scrolling until around 6.35. Then brush teeth, dress, grab an apple and drive to work around 6.50.
How can I motivate myself when I'm waking up? Thank you
 
Little stripy beach hut said:
Hello everyone. I have recently referred myself to the adult adhd/asd services through my GP. This has been a bit of an epiphany for me following starting mounjaro weight loss injections and realising I have noooooo impulse control. Lots of other realisations happened and made me come to the realisation I am neurodivergent.
Since losing some weight (still lots to go!) I have started to begin to feel positive about myself and have taken some positive steps with my appearance for the first time in years 🥳
One thing I have always struggled with is makeup. I would love to wear makeup but I have always been too disorganised to build it into my routine. Do any of you have any advice for a hopeless mess like myself? 😂
My morning routine normally consists of alarm going off at 5.30, then 6. Then laying in bed scrolling until around 6.35. Then brush teeth, dress, grab an apple and drive to work around 6.50.
How can I motivate myself when I'm waking up? Thank you
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Use an alarm clock instead of your phone, no phone first thing. Lock it in a timer safe if you have to!
 
Little stripy beach hut said:
Hello everyone. I have recently referred myself to the adult adhd/asd services through my GP. This has been a bit of an epiphany for me following starting mounjaro weight loss injections and realising I have noooooo impulse control. Lots of other realisations happened and made me come to the realisation I am neurodivergent.
Since losing some weight (still lots to go!) I have started to begin to feel positive about myself and have taken some positive steps with my appearance for the first time in years 🥳
One thing I have always struggled with is makeup. I would love to wear makeup but I have always been too disorganised to build it into my routine. Do any of you have any advice for a hopeless mess like myself? 😂
My morning routine normally consists of alarm going off at 5.30, then 6. Then laying in bed scrolling until around 6.35. Then brush teeth, dress, grab an apple and drive to work around 6.50.
How can I motivate myself when I'm waking up? Thank you
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Hi beach hut, I’d say building a 5 minute face into your morning routine means spending a leisurely morning on your day off when you can hyper focus on just you and your face.

You need to sit down and look at your face in the mirror. For those early starts especially in winter you will need a nice mirror that illuminates your face evenly.

Look at your face and work out what you would like to enhance with makeup. Most faces I’ve worked on benefit from a quick even out of skin tone, a bit of brow definition, liner to the eyes, some mascara and a “your lips but better” shade of sheet lipstick, balm or pencil.

How much of a budget do you have?

I’d say set your alarm 5.30, lie in until 5.45. Shower, brush teeth then Get dressed then sit down at 6.15 and do a 5/10 minute face.(try to take your time. It’s a relaxing self care thing you are doing just for you. Moisturise your skin, give your face and neck a nice massage as you apply it.

If you get your products right (an exercise to choose them when you have a day off or two) then application will be easier and you will feel more confident applying them ❤️

Any questions or advice choosing products, feel free to ask me, I worked in makeup for years and I’m all for quick, natural looks
 
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