Kate Garraway #2 MBE - Milking Britain Endlessly

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GalaxyGirl70 said:
I'm assuming that he's under the NHS again and not privately?

In which case, there must be a discussion at some point about his quality of life and future resuscitations. It was one of the first things that they discussed with my Dad when he was told his cancer was untreatable, and the palliative care team set out a Respect form saying that Dad wanted to avoid any possible hospital admissions, treatment with antibiotics and that he didn't want any resuscitation.
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Totally un related to kate but interesting second part of this comment.i lost my dad on nye ,I'm 34 and very fragile mentally wise before my dad's cancer.ive been kept in the dark from my mum alot about his treatment and the latter part of your comment.im taking it the patient has to sign they don't want resusatsting? My mother led me to believe the hospital weren't going to resuscitate due to my father having many other health issues.id never heard of it before as my dad was of sound mind no dementia etc.im so sorry to totally derail but I've not been able to get any sense out of her.i know I should of asked medical staff but I guess I didn't want to hear that my dad would rather not be resuscitated due to his health than fight on for us all.sorry if this makes no sense I only lost him on nye and I just can't make sense of most of his journey.i think my mum has done this to avoid me being hospitalised myself again :(
 
cryptix said:
Totally un related to kate but interesting second part of this comment.i lost my dad on nye ,I'm 34 and very fragile mentally wise before my dad's cancer.ive been kept in the dark from my mum alot about his treatment and the latter part of your comment.im taking it the patient has to sign they don't want resusatsting? My mother led me to believe the hospital weren't going to resuscitate due to my father having many other health issues.id never heard of it before as my dad was of sound mind no dementia etc.im so sorry to totally derail but I've not been able to get any sense out of her.i know I should of asked medical staff but I guess I didn't want to hear that my dad would rather not be resuscitated due to his health than fight on for us all.sorry if this makes no sense I only lost him on nye and I just can't make sense of most of his journey.i think my mum has done this to avoid me being hospitalised myself again :(
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Sounds like it would be easier for you to know the truth than to second guess for the rest of your life and also easier to get the details from the hospital while it is all still new. Sorry for your loss 💗
 
So
cryptix said:
Totally un related to kate but interesting second part of this comment.i lost my dad on nye ,I'm 34 and very fragile mentally wise before my dad's cancer.ive been kept in the dark from my mum alot about his treatment and the latter part of your comment.im taking it the patient has to sign they don't want resusatsting? My mother led me to believe the hospital weren't going to resuscitate due to my father having many other health issues.id never heard of it before as my dad was of sound mind no dementia etc.im so sorry to totally derail but I've not been able to get any sense out of her.i know I should of asked medical staff but I guess I didn't want to hear that my dad would rather not be resuscitated due to his health than fight on for us all.sorry if this makes no sense I only lost him on nye and I just can't make sense of most of his journey.i think my mum has done this to avoid me being hospitalised myself again :(
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Sorry for your loss ❤️
 
I'm really sorry for your loss, cryptix. My daughter is slightly younger than you but also very fragile mentally and I do try to protect her from really difficult emotional issues if I judge that she will not be able to cope with them at the time. Maybe now you could ask your Mum about what happened and say that you just can't make sense out of it and need to know in order to process your grief rather than second guess and come up with a different scenario? Your mum will have been in a very difficult and traumatic situation too and was only trying to do the best for you, I'm sure.
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I'm really sorry for your loss, cryptix. My daughter is slightly younger than you but also very fragile mentally and I do try to protect her from really difficult emotional issues if I judge that she will not be able to cope with them at the time. Maybe now you could ask your Mum about what happened and say that you just can't make sense out of it and need to know in order to process your grief rather than second guess and come up with a different scenario? Your mum will have been in a very difficult and traumatic situation too and was only trying to do the best for you, I'm sure.
 
@cryptix you can ask the hospital for a debrief if you feel that would help you. If you ring PALS, they will talk you through it all.

The respect form for for Dad was mainly for the attention of any nurses/doctors/paramedics who attended him at home - once someone is in hospital, Doctors probably wouldn't need this as it would be horribly cruel to try and resuscitate someone who was dying and your Dad may not have had to even have that conversation. I'm so sorry for your loss, it takes a while to stop reeling from it. Go easy on yourself 🌷 and I'm sorry if my comment upset you at all.
 
GalaxyGirl70 said:
@cryptix you can ask the hospital for a debrief if you feel that would help you. If you ring PALS, they will talk you through it all.

The respect form for for Dad was mainly for the attention of any nurses/doctors/paramedics who attended him at home - once someone is in hospital, Doctors probably wouldn't need this as it would be horribly cruel to try and resuscitate someone who was dying and your Dad may not have had to even have that conversation. I'm so sorry for your loss, it takes a while to stop reeling from it. Go easy on yourself 🌷 and I'm sorry if my comment upset you at all.
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No quite the opposite it's cleared my head alot tbh and made things make more sense xx
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Piff paff puff said:
Tattle is good for venting, clears your head and plenty of support and advice if you need/want it so don't be sorry, your post was very relevant and welcome here 🙏
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Thankyou,tattle gets a bad name at times but ive seen nothing but love when I have briefly mentioned my dad and his situation even prior to his passing xx
 
cryptix said:
Totally un related to kate but interesting second part of this comment.i lost my dad on nye ,I'm 34 and very fragile mentally wise before my dad's cancer.ive been kept in the dark from my mum alot about his treatment and the latter part of your comment.im taking it the patient has to sign they don't want resusatsting? My mother led me to believe the hospital weren't going to resuscitate due to my father having many other health issues.id never heard of it before as my dad was of sound mind no dementia etc.im so sorry to totally derail but I've not been able to get any sense out of her.i know I should of asked medical staff but I guess I didn't want to hear that my dad would rather not be resuscitated due to his health than fight on for us all.sorry if this makes no sense I only lost him on nye and I just can't make sense of most of his journey.i think my mum has done this to avoid me being hospitalised myself again :(
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I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my dad when I was 33. Not to cancer but to a long illness. I have read a lot of medical memoirs to deal with the trauma of these years.

Some doctors talked about resuscitation and that television has painted a very wrong picture of CPR. It is brutal and the percentage of success is low. And if it is successful, the damage it has caused will cause suffering as well. Think broken ribs, brain damage etc.

Here's a Guardian article in which a doctor talks about it: https://www.12ft.io/https://www.the...lty-cpr-fails-cancer-doctors-let-patients-die

It's not that your dad did not want to fight. CPR just hurts more than it can fix. I found Atul Gawande's "Being Mortal" very useful when I tried to come to terms with everything. He talks about length of life versus quality of life. If chemotherapy will give you a few more weeks but you're miserable throughout, palliative care may be a better choice because quality matters. CPR is similar.
 
cryptix said:
Totally un related to kate but interesting second part of this comment.i lost my dad on nye ,I'm 34 and very fragile mentally wise before my dad's cancer.ive been kept in the dark from my mum alot about his treatment and the latter part of your comment.im taking it the patient has to sign they don't want resusatsting? My mother led me to believe the hospital weren't going to resuscitate due to my father having many other health issues.id never heard of it before as my dad was of sound mind no dementia etc.im so sorry to totally derail but I've not been able to get any sense out of her.i know I should of asked medical staff but I guess I didn't want to hear that my dad would rather not be resuscitated due to his health than fight on for us all.sorry if this makes no sense I only lost him on nye and I just can't make sense of most of his journey.i think my mum has done this to avoid me being hospitalised myself again :(
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It’s likely that during your dads treatment and illness they’d been advised to talk and think about what he wanted if something was to happen. My dad had a long term illness, and the last time he got very ill we had to chat with him about what he wanted, then when he got taken in again the hospital rang us and asked what he’d want, of course they gave us all the information of what his condition would be like after if he was to be resuscitated and we decided that it wouldn’t be what he wanted.
I’m so sorry for you, my dad passed when I was 35 and although we’d known it was coming and we’d had the conversation it still wasn’t easy, we’ve all spent years wondering what if etc. lots of love to you, go gentle with yourself x
 
CrystalWench said:
It’s likely that during your dads treatment and illness they’d been advised to talk and think about what he wanted if something was to happen. My dad had a long term illness, and the last time he got very ill we had to chat with him about what he wanted, then when he got taken in again the hospital rang us and asked what he’d want, of course they gave us all the information of what his condition would be like after if he was to be resuscitated and we decided that it wouldn’t be what he wanted.
I’m so sorry for you, my dad passed when I was 35 and although we’d known it was coming and we’d had the conversation it still wasn’t easy, we’ve all spent years wondering what if etc. lots of love to you, go gentle with yourself x
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I know this might sound strange but I keep selfishshly thinking "I'm only 34....I'm too young to loose my dad"- I haven't married yet,engaged and have no children.im a young 34 who's very child like to a degree.
My dad had only just celebrated his 68th birthday,we only found out in September and everything has ended so quickly for him.i fear I'll never be able to process how quickly things happened :(
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Filouette said:
I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my dad when I was 33. Not to cancer but to a long illness. I have read a lot of medical memoirs to deal with the trauma of these years.

Some doctors talked about resuscitation and that television has painted a very wrong picture of CPR. It is brutal and the percentage of success is low. And if it is successful, the damage it has caused will cause suffering as well. Think broken ribs, brain damage etc.

Here's a Guardian article in which a doctor talks about it: https://www.12ft.io/https://www.the...lty-cpr-fails-cancer-doctors-let-patients-die

It's not that your dad did not want to fight. CPR just hurts more than it can fix. I found Atul Gawande's "Being Mortal" very useful when I tried to come to terms with everything. He talks about length of life versus quality of life. If chemotherapy will give you a few more weeks but you're miserable throughout, palliative care may be a better choice because quality matters. CPR is similar.
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Thankyou from the bottom of my heart sharing this.i will have a good read,things like this are helping me piece things together.
I wasn't aware of half of what you've wrote so again I thank you for sharing this with me.
 
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kev1974 said:
Sometimes, like my Aunt who was very ill for a long time, this can be a relief.

Wish Kate and the families the very best to get through the next few weeks, it's never easy.

However if she continues to dine out on him after that, then my sympathies will be swiftly withdrawn.
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My first thought was that he’s probably better off away. He suffered a lot and that’s very sad in itself however the added factor of us all, unavoidably, being on this journey with them makes it worse.

In saying that, whatever she’s done, she is a widow and the kids will also be devastated. Sad set of circumstances
 
Pennypennypenny said:
Very sad of course for those who knew and loved him. she has so much more to say ? How very out of character for her 🙄
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It’s very sad and I have no doubt she will be in a lot of pain at the moment.
But I agree, why mention about having more to say like you are gearing up for more publicity and of course she has to go to pains to mention she was there, by his side, holding his hand, the long hours 🙄 just leave it ffs and don’t mention yourself. Pay tribute to your husband and that’s it.
It also shows just how very ill he was and therefore very vulnerable and not able to consent to anything she shared or put him through. I hope she gives him the dignity of sharing nothing of his final days.
May he now have some peace.
 
Even in death she makes the announcement about her - the reference to the last long hours :rolleyes: like she was hoping he would hurry up so she could post on social media and notify the press.

This is very sad for his children and family, but he is now free from pain, and will get the peace she never allowed him in the last 4 years.

Now prepare for (after a suitable period of mourning) Kate Garraway - Professional Widow edition.
 
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