Jack Monroe #600 If I don’t have a sieve, where am I getting a carabiner from?

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excuse all of you. she's almost finished reading ALL of King, Christie AND Grisham in one year

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o
 
Not that any of guest's recipes make any sense, but looking at the Slop For Two she posted on BS:

- Throwing canned tomatoes and other assorted junk into a blender, and then heating it, is not going to make "sauce". It's going to make a nasty watery red mess.

- At no point do the "large onion" and garlic get cooked. "Blitzing" them with olive oil does nothing. They will still be raw 🤢

- Boiling that mixture is going to make it bubble and splat all over the kitchen. Although if you have a sentient multicoloured rug on the kitchen floor you'll have less tomato splat to clean up.

- Pouring boiling water over dried pasta and then simmering it for 6 mins is not going to cook the pasta.

- Good luck having half the "sauce" left over at the end to freeze. Most of it will have splatted on the walls, the counters, and the Smeg fridge that was gifted to you by one of your many BFFs.

Thoughts and prayers to SB if he actually did eat any of this awful "recipe" 😢
 
cokeyoakey said:
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I was looking to see if this "longer piece" was on THE LIST. I didn't find it, but OMG it reminded me how amazing the WIKI is - honestly, you fraus have done such an awesome job - now THAT is a proper piece of research and data analysis. And I bet you didn't even have a see-through exam pencil case and pens in your top pockets. I declare all wiki contributors DrDrs of research, analysis and PROPER HARD WORK!
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hola. I have added "longer piece on addiction/bluesky" to the list

again, I can't update the wiki, so once more I'm asking if a wonderful, beautiful frau will do it for me 🫶

only needs copying and pasting 😊

now I sincerely hope jack will leave us all tf alone for a peaceful xmas

£15 a week lunches
£20 shops as a whole
3 recipes per week in 2022
4 blogs a week in 2023
9 half-written manuscripts
15 minute meals
24 tweet thread of proving the trolls wrong
35 recipes from a £20 shop, pick your fave
12000 word presentation on some kind of analysis
2000 words for print glossy ✅ GQ awards
a few announcements
adding to twitter thread of plants as they bloom
advent calendar
aged chicken thigh bone stock
alcohol free versions of recipes
another walk in a restricted mod area
apple and pear crumble with brown sugar
austerity book
base system going in next book
BBC show ✅ guest on dr rupy's iplayer show
best value vegetables for squig
big press photo shoots
big work
black bean brownies recipe
black bean recipes from poll
black pudding pastitsio
BLM video monetization donation
blog a simple recipe
blog about energy companies' profits and nationalising stuff
blog of heatwave foods
blog post excited about for ages
bollocking rishi sunak
book on culinary history
book signing in Belfast
books for slow cooker appea
books for the rural coffee caravan ❌ confirmed never arrived 17.2.22 by rcc twitter
Brand New System for desk wallpaper ✅
bright blue think tank updates
brioche balls
brioche, mincemeat and camembert wreath
broccoli, creamy cannellini beans and fish
broccoli breakfast pasta
budget shopping article
Camp Kitchen from the shed
cannelini bacon and pork belly pie
carrot cake baked oats
chestnut fudge thing
chicken livers
chicken nuggets with black pudding crumb
chocolate and prune oats
Christmas condiment
Christmas leftovers caesar salad - nov 2022
Christmas pie and mash - due 3.1.23
cinnamon granola recipes
coconut oil etc mouthwash quantities
coffee scrub
column for the Breakdown comic filter security
comparison of 2021 £20 shop to 2022 £20 shop
compiling list of independent food banks
Conditions of Bungalow Bubbling lessons
cooking for one book
cost of living crisis recipes in one category
crispy fish recipe
crime novel
curating regular book recommendations
David Walliams book reviews
dauphinoise pie
dealing with paying taxes
deep pinky purple mascarpone ice cream
denim shirt embroidery commissions
depressipes
detailed blog on nutrition
devilled eggs recipe ✅ completed it, mate
diabetic recipes
dig out microwave and kettle recipes
DM to Yel
drawing nigella's garden
dyeing all clothes black
easy care for cutlery
email household management book to agent
ethical on a budget
explain daily usage of pythagoras theorem ✅ something to do with rishi sunak
extremely useful stuff
festive pop tarts
festive vegan loaf ✅ peeling pie
figgy pudding for carol singers
filing accounts
flannel blog
flapjack recipe
folding fitted sheets in seconds
food truck of joy
fulfilling all patreon commitments 2022 edition
gailymail
giant caramelised banana and chocolate pancake
goat kleftiko
gold rush xmas presents
great resources by trans + non binary writers
greek cook book
greens, eggs and ham
half-written budget xmas recipes
handing over her platform to poc
haybox and thermos cooking
healthy on a bootstrap
hecking big decluttering
helping disability and mental health writers
history of York road market
homemade hand sanitiser
homemade cleaning items
homemade dog biscuits
homemade houmous secret ingredients
huge depop or Ebay sale
human dreamies
jacinda ardern thinkpiece
longer piece about addiction/bluesky
mushroom butter
New Thing
newspaper campaign ✅ the bleeping express
no- and low-fuel cooking ✅ (kinda) the bromelain in canned pineapple is denatured
no waste cook book (on twitter for world earth day)
nutrition degree
onion chopping song
open the space squig box
Other Plans for cabbage
ouchy mouth recipes
painstakingly costed menu for week under £20
pastry recipe
patreon update
peasants pudding recipe
photos of Rather Renegade xmas dinner ✅ 2022
picture of pasta sauce
picture of tree postcards
ping a pic of the fish tank
pistachio milk
pointing out real plants
pork and lentil bolognese
postcards, postcards, postcards
poverty memoir
puttanesca soup
quick pickling
radish recipes
recipe roundup on Instagram
recipes for small people
red ephemera soup recipe
redoing dinner to get better light
report for work and pensions committee
repotting spider plants from a friend
reshooting beach pottery in daylight
rooting out Amazon from website
running around in heels with a Tall Man ✅ GQ awards 2020. no evidence of running or dancing, but Marcus is tall. she didn't even personally hand him the award
running order for xmas dinner
salt and vinegar sardines and spaghetti
sardine tin print
sausage and kale slop
Secret Ingredient ✅ - possibly banana skin
secret stock ingredient ✅ - potato water
selling books on website again
send squig mandarin carrot recipe
sending maple syrup tin to fan
serious work
serving libel papers to fox/daubney/anderson
set up mastodon
setting her teenage musings to music
sexy kitchen makeover reason
shopping trolley ✅ viewed Sept 2021, unclear if gifted
sideboard photos reason
sleep hygiene routine
slow cooker bubble bath
slow cooker recipes, maybe for depher
slow cooker xmas dinner - before xmas 2021
some kind of timetable for SB in lockdown
something about how money buys time
something else Jack'll remember sometime
soup for bed recipe
spite recipes
split peas and cooking bacon
squigs pick eyeshadow looks
super secret shopping trip hack
thrifty kitchen ✅ published january 2023
supper nanny
support cabal for bullied media types
swamp thing
sweet and sour soup
sweet potato caramel
t shirts with offensive slogan ✅ actually done within 3 hours 1.2.22
t shirt profits to trussell trust
updates teemill profits
thread about moving house
thrifty shades of beige
Thursday thunder clap
tiktok tin juice cordial recipe
tomato soup water content ✅ done
train video for squig
transcribing and blogging non binary talk
transcribing government bollocking
translation of a Greek Cypriot cookbook
unorthodox cheese sauce ✅ done
unorthodox courgette squishing
Up To Something
uses for juice from del monte tins
various cornflakes chicken recipes
vegan char sui buns
vegan cheese list
vegan crackling ✅ deep-fried rice paper apparently, admitted April 2022. this was among the original items on this list, first posited in late 2019, preceding these threads
vegan diabetic creme egg (maybe)
vegan haggis
vegan pastitsio ✅ in collab with Linda
vegan paella with artichokes
vegan pie glaze
vegan version of upside down pineapple chicken
Vimes Boots Price Index - due mid February 2022
visit Poland
weekly routine
write about diva pdf experience
write about sobriety
writing a thing about tories and 30p meals
zero waste curry falafels
 
VeniVidiVicki said:
You puke probably get a publishing deal for the coming soons list @kachoochoo
At least they’d know you’d deliver.
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"You puke"??! lol lmao😆

that's so appropriate on so many levels, I can't cope 😭

as many f+d readers will recall, it's why I have anti nausea wristbands and several gastric otc medications

not to mention the contents of jacks to do list... ew 😭

😆😆
 
MavisBeacon said:
Frauen, Herren und Theiren, I have been on a three-day quest to learn how to make perfect Yorkshire puddings ahead of our family get together tomorrow. I've made them once before, as we don't really do roast dinners chez Beacon. There has been a lot of batter, hot oil, adjusting of oven temperature and swearing. Today I even despatched Mr Beacon on a mission to buy an oven thermometer to figure out what the duck is going on.
However, even the yorkies that were deemed "failures" still looked about 1000% better than this plate of tit.

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Mumma Jack's dog turd cookies mini toads in the hole.
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Holy moly, I'd been staring blankly at the photo without reading the actual post thinking they were tarts without the fillings. I would never have thought of Yorkshire puddings. Never.
 
The Bluesky era, 1 month review:

✅ Endless lies, small and large
✅ Unfilled promises
✅ Stigmatising mental health
✅ Animal neglect
✅ Slop (not pictured)
✅ Abusive sock accounts
✅ Still working on the VBI
✅ "Recovery"
✅ Half formed politics brain farts
✅ Trolls
✅ Non-binary (gave up being trans for health)
✅ Very Important Secret Busy Work
✅ Writing a book (only mentioned for one day)
 
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Right, I'm setting a challenge to Jack the budding crime novelist. I've written and sold plenty of short stories, but never made it to novel length. Jack's written and sold plenty of books, but never fiction (although that's perhaps up for debate!)

Can I write a 60k romantic suspense novel before she finishes her crime masterpiece? On your marks, get set....WRITE!
 
I unashamedly love Stephen King. Book 4 of the Dark Tower series would be my Desert Island Disc novel. And I read all sorts of stuff from “hard” books, to an occasional re-read of Valley of The Dolls. There is absolutely no way anyone could read all of SKs back catalogue in one year and have a job/kid/dog/house to care for. I reckon you would struggle if you were in a prison cell 23 hours a day.

Such a massive massive liar.
 
FlashBoof said:
I unashamedly love Stephen King. Book 4 of the Dark Tower series would be my Desert Island Disc novel. And I read all sorts of stuff from “hard” books, to an occasional re-read of Valley of The Dolls. There is absolutely no way anyone could read all of SKs back catalogue in one year and have a job/kid/dog/house to care for. I reckon you would struggle if you were in a prison cell 23 hours a day.

Such a massive massive liar.
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Stephen King -77 books
Christie - 74 books
Grisham - 47 books

198 books in total



stupid twit
 
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