Jack Monroe #593 Just a jumble of pratness

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Pretty sure that utter bleeping shithole smelled a lot worse than heavy perfumes and cheap air freshener. View attachment 3269020 q

Imagine if a publicity-hungry right wing Twitter gobshite "activist" with a Glastonbury-sized following had a relative renting out an unfit for habitation shithole. We'd never hear the bleeping end of it from guest.
 
God knows what all this data crap is about, whatever it is it’s undoubtedly 99% less important than she thinks it is. But even if it is important in the context of some group or company, so bleeping what? This morning millions of people got up, made breakfast and went to jobs where they had something important to do. I’m finding excel Jack to be one of the most pathetic Jacks to date. It’s like some minor royal visiting a factory and getting excited about spending five minutes on the production line going , “gosh, look at me, I’m working, isn't this fun?” while the actual people who do that day in day out try not to roll their eyes.
 
And yet those are better than Epsom salts (chemical term) made out of salt (culinary term)
Ah dearest ragey n, the Saxa, mouldy radiator orange peel and eucalyptus dregs bath soot presented in in a manky old milk bottle. Forevermore renewing and relaxing poor unfortunate dearheart Stevie Yale.
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ss💋❤️post from @rage naan
 
Imagine if a publicity-hungry right wing Twitter gobshite "activist" with a Glastonbury-sized following had a relative renting out an unfit for habitation shithole. We'd never hear the bleeping end of it from guest.

Ironically this is where the funds Old Big Dairy Milk isn't sharing quickly enough for her came from so she has to rent! 😡

A 3 bedroom dormer bungamansion with an overgrown backyard and the landlady next door who she besmirches as often as is possible without ending up in court.

All whilst pleading poverty and special needs. These include multiple Cotswolds furniture pieces and ouchies of all sorts.

More front than Blackpool Pleasure Beach.
 
Tbf Jack is hardly the only person who hates David Walliams.
It the probably the only thing she and I agree on.

Though she might possible have made a pass at him and been drop-kicked out of the park, whereas I would chew my own arm off rather thane in the same county as him, so guest and I aren't that much alike.

My loathing is visceral - hers probably has a personal basis.
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~sighs~ *Taps Sign* SHE. IS. DO. ING. IT! Coming Soon! We just need to be patient and WATCH THIS SPACE

(you summoned this one, @HotesTilaire ❤)
June 2020, hot off the back of her truly abysmal Hellmans collab. Insufferable head. View attachment 3267253 qView attachment 3267254 qView attachment 3267255 qView attachment 3267256 qView attachment 3267257 qView attachment 3267258 qView attachment 3267259 qView attachment 3267260 qView attachment 3267261 qView attachment 3267262 qView attachment 3267263 qJust bleeping awful.
ss from @Debarkle @MarmiteExtract and @Veronicaaa
What a Brave Little Soljer she is. :rolleyes:
 
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Ironically this is where the funds Old Big Dairy Milk isn't sharing quickly enough for her came from so she has to rent! 😡

A 3 bedroom dormer bungamansion with an overgrown backyard and the landlady next door who she besmirches as often as is possible without ending up in court.

All whilst pleading poverty and special needs. These include multiple Cotswolds furniture pieces and ouchies of all sorts.

More front than Blackpool Pleasure Beach.
If the cash sale had gone through on the fishy fella’s flat, I don’t believe for a second there is any way in the world she’d deign to live in a place like that (no shade on fishy, just a one bedroom flat in a terrace- from her earliest days of RENTing she’s never, ever lived in a one bed although she’s lied and pretended to).

Strongly suspect she was buying fishy’s flat to get on the landlording ladder just like her sainted granddaddy/insufferable sainted daddy, and that she was going to use the rent from tenants in the flat to help pay the rent on her humble three bedroom bungaversailles. She’d have expected saint daddy to sort out all the day to day landlording business for her while she sat on her Mediterranean playing let’s pretend to all her friends on the internet.

Evil Landlady’s going to have to prise her out of that big ol detatched house with a fish-dreg-oiled crappy stick*, cos let’s face it, guest’s not having much luck in finding a wealthy homeowning older partner to actually take her up the aisle and buy her a mansion.

*Or use a giant catapult and fling her sorry arse out of there over the top of the giant eucalyptus and onto the tennis courts before getting the fumigators in.
 
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Puttanesca for breakfast! Her house must smell like a hole this hour of the morning 🤢
Puttanesca for breakfast! Her house must smell like a hole this hour of the morning 🤢

At EVERY hour of the day, more like!

Her fingernails look like they've never seen soap since she was 13. How often do you think she picks up a duster?
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Aaaaa
Omg maybe it really is the VBI, two and a half years late and completely useless
In fairness, if she'd delivered it in two and a half days it would have been completely useless.
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I'm surprised she could hack open a tin of tomatoes in a mere 15 minutes, using a kitchen knife and a mallet.

I would have thought it would take at least three hours in A&E in addition to other aspects . . .
 
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Ffs how many bleeping formulas does Jack need.? As long as you know what data set you are using and what you want to do with the data, they almost write themselves. The formulas are the easy part.

Jack is probably doing some lame COL report based on 'data'written in her bestest hand writing in a moleskin notebook. She will attempt to prove that by 2026 a jar of jam and 500g pasta will cost 17% of a pov's food budget.

I really dispise Excel Jack.
 
Why would you batch cook something that is just emptying tins into a pan?

She just is not capable of producing something that looks appetising.

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For less than the cost of making that sardine monstrosity she could’ve bought this (which is actually very nice and cost me £1.35)
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I suspect all this data-crunching big maths is just Duolingo's maths course. Wait until she starts the music course!

Also, if I wanted carbs for breakfast I would have toast or pancakes or porridge or a bacon roll. Not performatively cook pasta.
She’d be way better loading on protein for the morning anyway, keeps you going longer. Slopanesca would just mean you need a lengthy nap after ingestion, next to a vomit bucket
 
For less than the cost of making that sardine monstrosity she could’ve bought this (which is actually very nice and cost me £1.35)
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It would be like coming full circle, cos that’s (one of her stupid-ass fantasies about) where she got her start.

Guardian, 2014.
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Evening Standard 2015
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🤔 indeeeeeeed.
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Pretty sure that utter bleeping shithole smelled a lot worse than heavy perfumes and cheap air freshener. View attachment 3269020 q
Is this where all the 'umble forelock- tugging indentured servants properly employed and legally paid waifs and strays lived as they became lifelong family friends who did all the chores and were grateful were counselled daily on the phone?
 
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