Jack Monroe #588 Slop making sense

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Thread title by @VeniVidiVicki. You win a restaurant voucher so you can eat some pasta not cooked by guest.

Recap! Guest returned to social media with new slop: watery pasta covered in some sauce that she slowly, gently, forensically, painstakingly, behind the scenes made herself and totes did not buy from a supermarket. Then plated up into a clean pan (two terms she doesn't know the meaning of) for dinner for her son who definitely lives with her. She thinks she might just return to this cooking writing thing but remember her burnout, ouchies, and bad mentals and be vewy vewy gentle with her please.

Said son is now into Oasis and she promised long ago to buy him tickets if they ever reunited and now might have to sell her kidney to get the cash. Because she is still, after all, a desperately poor little pixie without so much as a spare £156k for a house purchase lying around. She's now planning a "military operation" of alarms and spreadsheets so she can beat the Ticketmaster queue. Much amusement and Oasis song parodies were had by the canal.

She also went to a local council meeting where she sat behind one of the speakers so she'd be in full view of the cameras. Then played on her phone, picked her nose, napped a little, and laughed at her own jokes like the oaf she is. And she had us questioning what music an ice cream van plays.

As always, we reminisced about some of her past "glories" including:
  • How her son could not use cutlery at four years of age despite her being such an involved, hands-on parent
  • The "ancient Nokia" that was actually a premium business smartphone on a level with the then-current iPhone/BlackBerry
  • Guest vs Edwina Currie
  • The pear and bacon porridge
  • Burger Boy
  • Beetlejuice (now back in cinemas!)
Wiki up on the pink button!
 
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She really is gross isn’t she. The nose / face / nail picking 😷

Just the thought of her plating anything up (in a ‘clean’ pan or otherwise) with those grubby hands is seriously making me want to vom.
 
Leggy commenting SB couldn’t use cutlery just really reinforces to me how bad the boy has had it.

I know the canal belief is that he’s been with his dad more than Jack for years, since he was that small, she claimed at that age that it’s either her who is the RP or they have 50-50 depending which age it is - yet whatever way you slice it it means none of his FOUR (Jack, SB dad, Leggy, SB’s stepmum) parental figures at that point had taught him how to use cutlery.

If the canal lore is right or even if Jack’s 50-50 is right, it’s a scathing a criticism of his father as it is Jack.
 
Leggy commenting SB couldn’t use cutlery just really reinforces to me how bad the boy has had it.

I know the canal belief is that he’s been with his dad more than Jack for years, since he was that small, she claimed at that age that it’s either her who is the RP or they have 50-50 depending which age it is - yet whatever way you slice it it means none of his FOUR (Jack, SB dad, Leggy, SB’s stepmum) parental figures at that point had taught him how to use cutlery.

If the canal lore is right or even if Jack’s 50-50 is right, it’s a scathing a criticism of his father as it is Jack.
Luckily for her son, someone (likely not Jack) cared enough about him to teach him to use cutlery at a young age, long, long before Leggy came on the scene
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The poor little bugger was probably just rebelling at being dragged away from everyone and everything he’d known and having to deal with that pair of insufferable twats.

Then you had Leggy’s daughter rebelling against having to eat Jack’s disgusting slops.
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That weird claw-picking typing action is giving me the boak.
All this nose-excavating chat puts me in mind of this glorious post from @DianeAbbotsMojito

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She really is gross isn’t she. The nose / face / nail picking 😷

Just the thought of her plating anything up (in a ‘clean’ pan or otherwise) with those grubby hands is seriously making me want to vom.
The Southend Council comms team will be wondering why there is such extraordinary interest in the scrutiny committee -- the canal's clicks on the video must be sending their audience stats into orbit.

Is it meta that we're scrutinising the actual scammer who professes such forensic interest in the Council?
 
I firmly believe that councils should be held to account and that it’s a positive thing to have these meetings streamed.
given they’re streamed, I cannot see the purpose of going there to sit and view this. Only someone with disposable income and a LOT of free time would do this. I wouldn’t mind so much if she was attentive, but she’s not listening!!
 
Who goes to a public meeting and sits like they are in bed?

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To be fair to guest, as a fellow smol frau (5ft 0.75 inches), most chairs are extremely uncomfortable for me to sit in normally as my legs don't reach the floor if I'm sitting properly. So I either have to sit on the edge and lean forward or lean back like that. Although I wouldn't sit like that in a public setting as it looks really unprofessional. I think that her smol height does explain some of her postures when speaking (eg feet on chair, sitting on the edge of the stage) as it's really annoying/painful if you're sitting in a seat and can't reach the floor or cross your legs (especially if you have chonky thighs as well)
 
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