Jack Monroe #552 She's the cookery equivalent of termites

[MavisBeacon]

A school dinner staple? Yeah if you grew up in the 1950s I guess?

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I'm a full 10 years older than guest and we certainly never had chicken livers on the menu. Spam fritters, strange grey slices of meat and semolina at primary school, then the usual cavalcade of things with chips or mash at secondary school #1980s. Liver, no. What nonsense.

 

[Lumpyspaceprincess]

I keep forgetting to come on here now. When’s the Christmas comeback? Running out of time….

 

[Valiofthedolls]

Argh argh she does that every single SODDING time she sings.
The frail, faltering, whispery, crumpled start. Then emboldened by the sheer beauty and wonder of her voice she stands straight and nasally loudly honks it out. It is so bleeping irritating and rehearsed

Like that grim slam poetry where she does the one about Orlando Bloom’s gigglestick first, then really hits her stride on the second one that she’s learned off by heart. Oh and after making a crude “joke” about writing poetry during the poverty “with her hands” cos her kid was there so she couldn’t knock one out. Sodding DIRE.

As Southend Frau @Toffee finger noted, that pub closed shortly afterwards. Unable to recover from the miasma of shame lingering from the OH duck OFF I REALLY AM SHY AND RETIRING I REALLY REALLY AM.

Even the thought of it gives me such second hand embarrassment I’m overheating from the shame. So delighted this deluded talentless self obsessed attention seeker has finally shut the duck up. Long may it continue.

ETA: Just like the common povs in her fantasy scenarios she says bleeping twice in the same bleeping sentences of her first “poem”. How bleeping edgy she bleeping is. “I’M REALLY PROFANE. ANYONE UNDER TEN SHOULD PROBABLY LEAVE”.
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Some more religion Jack. The story of Jesus & the money changers ( and dove sellers*) in the temple is certainly the only one she knows her favouriteView attachment 2606386 q
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*picture of a dove, for referenceView attachment 2606388 q

duck me she loves those table flippers almost as much as she loves the Venn Diagram that’s A CIRCLE.

 

[YerDa]

“You jest at scars, that never felt a wound, I muttered to my phone screen”

Just snorted tea down my nose, you ridiculous woman!

 

[Valiofthedolls]

About 7 1/2 months later…

and 5 months after that…

ETA and 7 1/2 months after that…

 

[Mr Krabs]

“Hey Jack, while you’re there at the Soho Farmhouse, will you get in the shower fully clothed and nasally and loudly warble out a song in a bizarre (what you apparently believe to be) American accent, rendering said song virtually unrecognizable? In sepia? And will you lean against the wall for a bit before BURSTING upright into full voice while putting yourself slightly off camera? Oh, and will you make sure you leer up terrifyingly close to the camera at the end? Thankspaceyou for all that you do!!! Love you loads!!! You’re the best at EVERYTHING, Bootstrap!!! “

“And then please post an upskirt photo with your terrifying feet in shot, before claiming not to have posted your fanny.”

 

[rage naan]

Also according to this article published just three months later, the children were at school together and SB would have just turned five, hardly toddlers I would have said?

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Covered by the commenters at the time!

I'm a full 10 years older than guest and we certainly never had chicken livers on the menu. Spam fritters, strange grey slices of meat and semolina at primary school, then the usual cavalcade of things with chips or mash at secondary school #1980s. Liver, no. What nonsense.

Also covered!

 

[nothanksbabes]

I love this thread. If you stumbled upon one of her recipes, you'd think, they look a bit grim but perhaps it's just a bad photo. But seeing one terrible recipe after another, a slop, a dust-and-cardboard lasagne, something unspeakable with tinned fish, the worst Yorkshire puddings you've ever seen in your life, a green slice of bread... She is truly a talentless car crash of a person.

 

[Seaford Haggington]

I love this thread. If you stumbled upon one of her recipes, you'd think, they look a bit grim but perhaps it's just a bad photo. But seeing one terrible recipe after another, a slop, a dust-and-cardboard lasagne, something unspeakable with tinned fish, the worst Yorkshire puddings you've ever seen in your life, a green slice of bread... She is truly a talentless car crash of a person.

Green slice of bread for thread title!

 

[Witchfinder Sargeant]

I'll do the new thread, hang on to your hats.

new thread here, carry on

Jack Monroe #553 Fairytale of No Pork

thread title by @MaineCoonMama as a tribute to Shane MacGowan (RIP) and Jack's brief foray into veganism. Jack is still locked and MIA, so the canal are mithering through some of her greatest hits appalling slops. I think I'm scarred for life by the thought of black pudding and carrot hash...

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