Jack Monroe #371 Veni, vidi, receipti

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If she's in celery town she would have passed through the northern wastelands... Urgh, I feel like someone has left a skidmark on my motherland. I hope she was sat near the train toilets the whole way up and the stench was so incredible, it was able to pierce her blocked sinuses. I'm so sorry for you Scottish Frauen. Stay strong ✊
 
I love this squig. She just gets funnier and funnier

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NellieBoo said:
I'd just like to say as a softy southerner, it's one of my few life regrets, at the age of 50, that I haven't experienced a Munchy Box ☹.
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If you're going to go for it, please ensure you get it liberally dosed with 'Sauce' aka The Devils Gravy, only really a thing on the east coast of Scotland.

it will strip your stomach lining, but worth trying once.

www.edinburghlive.co.uk

The factory near Glasgow that's made Edinburgh chippy sauce for generations

The long standing debate between Glasgow and Edinburgh residents and their choice of chip topping is well known - but what may come as a surprise is where the capital city's favourite sauce is made.
www.edinburghlive.co.uk www.edinburghlive.co.uk
 
So in the spirit of ScotchJack (TM), I’ve completed a reimagining/accompaniment version of the fabled Gerry Cinnamon: ‘She is a belter’. If ye don’t know, get to know. Alrighty:

She is a wanker

Different from the rest

Three rings on her finger

Autotune makes her look her best

She is a (middle class) gangster

With a hundred mile stare (those wonky eyes)

When she walks (arthritic stumbles)

Her feet don't touch the flair

She is a wanker

She plays with lightning (matches and the gas stove)

I'm a hundred miles high (running away from her)

Dishing out the thunder (claps for Jack)

Like a God inside the sky

She is a dancer (only at Pontins)

And she dances in my dreams (nightmares)

Reminds me that the world

Is not as evil as it seems (but she is )
She is a belter (wanker)

No happy endings (nope)

Unless fairytales comes true (Jack and the giant slop)

But she looks like a princess (autotune)

And there's not much else to do (run)

I think I love her (no you don’t its gaslighting/victimisation)

She gets underneath my skin (scabby hands)

But I've been stung a few times (three times!)

So I don't let no one in

Not even belters

She is a belter ( wanker )

She is a belter ( wanker )

She is a belter ( wanker)



How can she reach me (Caledonian sleeper or Stagecoach)

When I'm high above the shelf? (❄)

Lost inside a smoke ring

While I ponder tae myself

Is she the answer (no)

To the question in my mind?

Is happiness an option (not with her)

Or has love just turned me blind? (That’ll be the slop)

Is she a belter? (No)
No happy endings (not with Jack)

Unless fairytales comes true

But she looks like a princess (autotune)

And there's not much else to do

I think I love her (no you don’t)

She gets underneath my skin (infectious diseases)

But I've been stung a few times (three times!)

So I don't let no one in

Not even belters

She is a wanker

She is a wanker

She is a wanker
 
Edie Po said:
See in Wicked Elphapa was actually lovely and tit upon.
She was wronged by everyone expect one person..even Glenda was witch.

Jack's nothing like Elphapa .. Jack's just a spiteful person who's never been told no.
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Oh I've never actually seen Wicked, was referring to Elphaba the tiktok grifter. They'd probably get on quite well - both absolutely filthy and terrible at singing.
 
I maintain, Jack, that if you walk into any hospitality establishment in London they are hiring....... so why haven't you? Most places in Soho have a sign in the window - you haven't done it because you are making enough by other means, why wouldn't you be making some cash clearing pints and tidying up.

The London example is just me moving through central London than most other places right now, but I know there is an industry wide problem of staff shortages AND good pay so ???

Sorry if spelling and grammar typos, wine has been had. Send water-os xx
 
Phillipa78 said:
If she's in celery town she would have passed through the northern wastelands... Urgh, I feel like someone has left a skidmark on my motherland. I hope she was sat near the train toilets the whole way up and the stench was so incredible, it was able to pierce her blocked sinuses. I'm so sorry for you Scottish Frauen. Stay strong ✊
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Northern wastelands?

Harsh.

I did wave my rude pillowcase sign at all trains that passed today during my “let’s go and sit by a distant train line camp-out”. The pillowcase was not from JL so I doubt she noticed.
 
Edie Po said:
See in Wicked Elphapa was actually lovely and tit upon.
She was wronged by everyone expect one person..even Glenda was witch.

Jack's nothing like Elphapa .. Jack's just a spiteful person who's never been told no.
Click to expand...

Jack is more like her namesake, Sobriety Jack or even Mruktiktokofficial. All are disgusting, narcissistic, argumentative arseholes who would sell their soul for a fiver. Although I would pay to see the comments on a Jack Monroe TikTok when she can’t moderate them.
 
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