Jack Monroe #363 I regret to inform you Jack Monroe has done another tweet

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Also, what dis? Has she had a spray tan but missed a bit in the crease of her neck cos she was looking down or something?!
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Nottonightbabe said:
Jack on bake off would be amazing entertainment. She could make one of her beloved loaves of bread.

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Why do all her loaves look tortured, like baked brains? What’s with all the misshapen folds & lumps? I mean, it’s bread. Even people who mess up the proving or cooking time can usually turn out a sort of smoothish dough ball. How can she manage to make even loaves look inedible? Is it her superpower to convert any set of ingredients into something you wouldn’t touch with a - hang on, I’ve just thought of her gnarly Egyptian-mummy hands kneading the dough 🤮🤮🤮 Well at least I realise now why they’re all such gruesome colours. I swear, these threads are better than Ozempic for killing my appetite dead.
 
Are there any historian Fraus that can help me? I'm sure I read somewhere, many years ago, that in the olden days the village baker was also the strangler when village executions were commonplace. A successful baker needed big hands to make all the bread for the village. I maybe misremembering on account of my Nan chatting bollocks about strange men with big stranglers hands though and putting the fear of God into us 😂. 'Look at the hands on him, strangler hands, those. Bet he makes a good loaf though'.
 
Tin Can Crook said:
When I first started following her when she had that shitfit at Lee Anderson, I never really looked into her cooking. Then like two days later she threw an almighty tantrum and used the phrase "fish finger curry" (🤮) and I stopped following her for her views and started following for the drama. 😂
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Lol ripping off Ash Sarkar/Nigella's fish finger bhorta, were we Jack? Only about two years late.
www.bbc.co.uk

Fish finger bhorta recipe

Nigella's fish finger bhorta makes a delicious change from fish finger sandwiches.
www.bbc.co.uk
 
So that recipe in the book says her “tarkari” is based on a recipe from a local Nepalese restaurant, but she replaced the chicken with black beans and replaced the mango with tinned peaches.
She entirely replaced the two main ingredients. (And I’m not convinced by the spicing either - she actually suggests adding the juice or syrup from the peaches to temper the heat of the curry, but where’s the heat supposed to come from? I don’t think 2 tsp chilli flakes will do it).
She’s just so terrible at this.
 
She’s far from the only recipe writer to do this but it really grates my mushrooms when they use original language for some ingredients but not others - why put dhaniya powder for coriander but not haldi for turmeric? Either write it using English words for ingredients or don’t. A common one is throwing in aloo, and don’t even get me started on saag which doesn’t even mean spinach.

It’s 03:30. Why am I like this???
 
Tin Can Crook said:
When I first started following her when she had that shitfit at Lee Anderson, I never really looked into her cooking. Then like two days later she threw an almighty tantrum and used the phrase "fish finger curry" (🤮) and I stopped following her for her views and started following for the drama. 😂
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To be fair, Nigella makes a fish finger curry too, and from the blurb in her recipe it sounds like it’s an Actual Thing. Fish fingers are really just fish and breadcrumbs so I guess it’s pretty much just like any other fish curry except with some extra crumbs (I say “I guess” because I hate fish and would rather choke down one of Jack’s homemade mushroom and mango loaves in its entirety than eat a single bite of fish, curried or otherwise) https://www.nigella.com/recipes/fish-finger-bhorta
 
Jelly Bean said:
Oh no 😬 I hadn't seen that before. The limp onto the stage. And that story about belt tightening is just appalling. She loves it when she thinks she is about to deliver a zinger - drops her voice, talks slowly, pauses, looks meaningfully at the audience and says bleeping a lot. It is so studied and cringe.
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I couldn’t do it, couldn’t listen to it all. As if anyone who saw a person with a walking stick would ask “where were you injured?” - give me a break!

She’s less nasally to be fair.
 
Gave up grunking to just say I can never imagine a situation where I would not return an engagement ring were I in an engagement that was broken off for whatever reason.

Nor, if I ever found myself so strapped for cash would I publicly announce that I was pawing it.

And I would especially not be so blasé as to collect and parade multiple of them like trophies before doing the above en masse.

Absolute cretin.
 
ChactFecker said:
Gave up grunking to just say I can never imagine a situation where I would not return an engagement ring were I in an engagement that was broken off for whatever reason.

Nor, if I ever found myself so strapped for cash would I publicly announce that I was pawing it.

And I would especially not be so blasé as to collect and parade multiple of them like trophies before doing the above en masse.

Absolute cretin.
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See, I’m not clear on whether those were rings given to her, or rings she gave to others that they gave back, or a mixture. Has she said?
 
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