Jack Monroe #339 David Attenborough lied about walruses

[Django]

I read that a few times just to make sure. Can't believe Jack said she'd fallen under the train. To slip on the platform is one thing, but to have your hips fully under the train? Wtf. My only real question is why can't Jack tell believable lies?

Bless you, sweet innocent child. Go well

 

[Amanda Lin]

Why vlad show me beardy man cry?
Walrus never lie
But Jack, she sad tale magpie

 

[Boogs]

View attachment 1411601 q
Why vlad show me beardy man cry?
Walrus never lie
But Jack, she sad tale magpie

See what happens when you put Pantene in the washing machine?

 

[Ostapbender]

It's been very hot today and I think I should have a swim and cool down. Send ice cubeos but I'm now imagining OH like this..View attachment 1411584 q

Well well, not quite as deliciously ordinary after all...

 

[Jelly Bean]

Tbh with her drug consumption, she might be more like one of those psychoactive toads.

Next up - Jack Monroe's Psychoactive Toads.

 

[Amanda Lin]

Poem written by this guy

Please ping him some recipes he can cook on a fire

 

[Django]

View attachment 1411601 q
Why vlad show me beardy man cry?
Walrus never lie
But Jack, she sad tale magpie

Beardy man cry
Washing machine say bye bye
Cos Jack said shampoo
Will be the ruin of you

(not haiku)

 

[Ostapbender]

Why you all so funny?
Walrus looking for love, has money
Jack away
Canal play

 

[Boogs]

Why you all so funny?
Walrus looking for love, has money
Jack away
Canal play

 

[Hollaaa]

I can elevenerife Jack laughing at bees. I have become a beekeeper by accident as some naughty bumblebees have made a nest in my compost bin. They are currently being menaced by gentleman sex bees hanging about the entrance but show no signs of obliging the boys.

Sex bees, sex bees
Buzzing round the bin
Show your stingers all you want
But you ain't getting in
YEAH!

We're having more top quality animal interaction than Jack is

 

[moldwarp]

I read that a few times just to make sure. Can't believe Jack said she'd fallen under the train. To slip on the platform is one thing, but to have your hips fully under the train? Wtf. My only real question is why can't Jack tell believable lies?

Real-life CCTV footage of Jack Monroe's journey across the train platform:

lol I know right it’s like a six inch gap at most. Is she like the baddie from terminator 2 who can make her body into liquid and slither through anything?

another proofpoint for the bot theory perhaps.

 

[StatusWoe]

See what Jack's missing on Tinder.

 

[Boogs]

The bees aren’t coming to my lavender bush (not a euphemism) this year, this makes me sad

 

[Griftymcgriftface]

View attachment 1411583 q
As Vlad rightly points out, make sure you’re all keeping healthy and nourished because hurling Walruses is a big strain on your body.

I got so confused with your screenshot and thought I was in a fugue state as I couldn’t remember typing that post.

 

[Boogs]

See what Jack's missing on Tinder.

Jacks loss is the Walris gain.

 

[SlopAmbsase]

The bees aren’t coming to my lavender bush (not a euphemism) this year, this makes me sad

They LEFT . Maybe try dressing up as a dead eyed Mary Poppins and see if that gets them back?

 

[Django]

A proper poem featuring (Ruby?) Rose and Jack

https://www.12ft.io/https://www.the...us-by-caleb-parkin?CMP=Share_AndroidApp_Other

 

[Boogs]

They LEFT . Maybe try dressing up as a dead eyed Mary Poppins and see if that gets them back?

 

[Amanda Lin]

I know an old grifter who fell under a train
She slitered and mithered onto the station
(Saved by her Pumble cheeks)
I don’t know why she fell under a train
Perhaps it’s for gain.

 

[StatusWoe]

lol I know right it’s like a six inch gap at most. Is she like the baddie from terminator 2 who can make her body into liquid and slither through anything?

another proofpoint for the bot theory perhaps.

And why did the Mediterranean arse help in this situation?? Surely a pancake-flat arse would be more useful in a trapped under a train scenario? Unless by 'help' she means that it's muscular enough to overturn the whole train Hulk-style? Or maybe she's giving all the credit to chunky arse when in fact it was the unruly labia that freed her? Something to think about.