Jack Monroe #339 David Attenborough lied about walruses

[colouredlines]

Jack has been doing this sad addiction cycle for years, it's just one of her 'tricks'. I honestly hate myself for saying it but she has no shame or dignity.
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I love this Before picture so much because you can go to Jack's Insta and find photos from the same month where she looks great...you know, because she's washed her hair, put on makeup, smiling, not wearing a shapeless grey tee she stole from a bin etc etc.

It's just so reductive, like the Burglar Bill shot.

 

[Django]

it's also massively prejudiced and stereotyping.

All of it is. Poor little rich girl hiding her alcohol and drug addiction from the world whilst simultaneously raising her precious son and producing simple, hearty and nutritious meals for tuppence. No one suspected a thing.

 

[Elastoblast]

I don’t think they’re ugly and judging from this I reckon you’d have fun with one on a date. I would date all the Walruses of the world rather than have one date with Jack.

I bet their breath smells better than hers if you decide to lean in for a snog

 

[Smeghead]

I don’t think they’re ugly and judging from this I reckon you’d have fun with one on a date. I would date all the Walruses of the world rather than have one date with Jack.

Check your DMs

 

[Jelly Bean]

4th July. The leg/licking video.

Poor Content. Maybe it turns out that licking Jack is poisonous. Like those toads. I'm sure David Attenborough has looked into licking toads - and no doubt LIED.

 

[StatusWoe]

That is one phallic-looking sea creature.

To be honest, I don't think I've ever seen a phallus that resembles that walrus, but maybe I've just lived a sheltered life....

Vlad is trying to sell 6 different pies in a box. This sounds like a threat. Is this what was in space squig's box?

 

[jenny2603]

Poor Content. Maybe it turns out that licking Jack is poisonous. Like those toads. I'm sure David Attenborough has looked into licking toads - and no doubt LIED.

Tbh with her drug consumption, she might be more like one of those psychoactive toads. Poor Content is probably still tripping off her head and barking at the walls.

 

[MancBee]

All of it is. Poor little rich girl hiding her alcohol and drug addiction from the world whilst simultaneously raising her precious son and producing simple, hearty and nutritious meals for tuppence. No one suspected a thing.

Bit in bold... whilst taking selfies.

Who takes selfies when they are pissed or hungover?

 

[moldwarp]

Jack has been doing this sad addiction cycle for years, it's just one of her 'tricks'. I honestly hate myself for saying it but she has no shame or dignity.
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that’s a lot of upper body strength for someone who needs a shoulder replacement.

Also, I don’t know what agnostura bitters is but I’d like to reassure Jack that that’s a very mild rock bottom by AA standards, in fact I’d go so far as to say extremely ordinary. I’d also remind Jack that, as a true AA guru, she should know that externalities or life circs never make us relapse. It’s something we do ourselves. The Big Book, which I am sure Jack knows back to front, is very explicit on this. And looks very dimly on people who try to lay the blame on others for their relapses.

 

[Rekyavikgirl]

I bet their breath smells better than hers if you decide to lean in for a snog

They will both smell of tinned fish

 

[Jelly Bean]

Is Jack stranded on her bedroom floor after falling out of bed because someone said bees?
Send brotheros.

 

[Django]

It's been very hot today and I think I should have a swim and cool down. Send ice cubeos but I'm now imagining OH like this..

 

[SlopAmbsase]

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Check your DMs

Hi! I’m a dedicated weight lifter with severe muscular-skeletal issues. My ex said I need a doctor but I prefer conquering my own fears! I’m NOT like other Walruses, pal. Btw, what’s yr net worth! Approx guess is fine .

 

[MistyWindows]

As Vlad rightly points out, make sure you’re all keeping healthy and nourished because hurling Walruses is a big strain on your body.

 

[Falkor]

The walrus strand of these threads is a thing of pure joy.

I filed a confirmation statement for a limited company today. I timed it. It took me three minutes from start to finish and that included Googling to find the right page to submit it from (because I always think it's the company's entry on Companies House and it isn't), digging out my credit card and typing in the details to pay for it. How does Jack religiously manage not to do it every year?

 

[StatusWoe]

Jack has been doing this sad addiction cycle for years, it's just one of her 'tricks'. I honestly hate myself for saying it but she has no shame or dignity.
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I read that a few times just to make sure. Can't believe Jack said she'd fallen under the train. To slip on the platform is one thing, but to have your hips fully under the train? Wtf. My only real question is why can't Jack tell believable lies?

Real-life CCTV footage of Jack Monroe's journey across the train platform:

 

[Boogs]

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To be honest, I don't think I've ever seen a phallus that resembles that walrus, but maybe I've just lived a sheltered life....

I’ve been off phallus for years. I see the inner beauty of the Walrus.

 

[jenny2603]

Is Jack stranded on her bedroom floor after falling out of bed because someone said bees?
Send brotheros.

I can elevenerife Jack laughing at bees. I have become a beekeeper by accident as some naughty bumblebees have made a nest in my compost bin. They are currently being menaced by gentleman sex bees hanging about the entrance but show no signs of obliging the boys.

 

[DaisyJay]

I'm on an eternal grunk - so far back that Saj and Rishi (mates) have only just resigned. However, I wanted to quickly pop in any give devoted, luxuriated proportionated thanks to @colouredlines for the glory that was the pumble review - I am forever in your debt, dear heart

 

[MaineCoonMama]

I read that a few times just to make sure. Can't believe Jack said she'd fallen under the train. To slip on the platform is one thing, but to have your hips fully under the train? Wtf. My only real question is why can't Jack tell believable lies?

Whatever a chunky Mediterranean arse is, she doesn't have one. My Auntie Jobette's French arse looked like two puppies fighting in a pillow case. Jack has a basic white girl backside.