Jack Monroe #219 Why you sob? Russell Hobb

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In our last thread...
-Jack finally promoted the Diva photo shoot and essay, it was later deleted
-In this week’s edition of “how can I trigger people” Jack bemoaned a non-existent area of weight
-She tripped and knocked her glass kettle over. Or something. Curiously missed the opportunity to claim dyspraxia, blamed it on that well-known cause of tripping up - ADHD
-The latest performative poverty started with a boot held on by a hairband and ended with a load of nonsense about using an antique copper kettle once it’s cleaned up (it will never be cleaned up)
-The Russell Hobbs at Russell Hobbs offered a free replacement #gifted
-The Fraus unearthed evidence of about 5 previous RH kettles in the last 9 years....
-#30daysdelicious got off to a great start with Jack offering aunt Bessie’s roast potatoes and gravy for “breakfast”
-#29daysofnofurtherupdates although she’s been busy with weird falafel and brioche balls which look....the same?
-Jack united people on the island of Ireland in disgust and shock by potentially ruining “fifteens” forever, but swiftly deleted the evidence. It was dry but it’s not even baked so how...?
-Are tippex French manicures a cause of disproportionate satisfaction? They are for Jack.
Where’s the pumpkin guts recipes Jack? And the companies house accounts, tax, patreon rewards.,,.
Read The Wiki (as they say on other threads)
No Swears In Thread Titles
we were happily including bumhole and rimming in the Becky Holt threads threadtitles (because that’s what goes on) and they all got taken off by the mods, be warned
 
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fauxpoor said:
How did she cook Aunt Bessie's roast potatoes t'other day?
Click to expand...

In the mini oven.

Screenshot_20211105-171306_Opera.jpg
 
Are her chewed fingers like the port wine stains on her leg i.e. invisible to the naked eye? They look fine. I mean, her hands are quite horrid generally but they are intact. I've chewed on my fingers for over twenty years at this point and they're fucked, the ends of my fingers around my nails are lumpy and red with scarring and look especially horrible in winter. Get out of my oddly specific niche!

Edit: I will definitely get some Tippex now though, thanks Jack.
 
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traumatised sideboard said:
Are her chewed fingers like the port wine stains on her leg i.e. invisible to the naked eye? They look fine. I mean, her hands are quite horrid generally but they are intact. I've chewed on my fingers for over twenty years at this point and they're fucked, the ends of my fingers around my nails are lumpy and red with scarring and look especially horrible in winter. Get out of my oddly specific niche!

Edit: I will definitely get some Tippex now though, thanks Jack.
Click to expand...
And don’t even start on what a mess my fingers look after a shower. ☹ Chewed fingers, my arse.
 
traumatised sideboard said:
Are her chewed fingers like the port wine stains on her leg i.e. invisible to the naked eye? They look fine. I mean, her hands are quite horrid generally but they are intact. I've chewed on my fingers for over twenty years at this point and they're fucked, the ends of my fingers around my nails are lumpy and red with scarring and look especially horrible in winter. Get out of my oddly specific niche!

Edit: I will definitely get some Tippex now though, thanks Jack.
Click to expand...
We've been looking at Jack's hands for quite a while now (not stalking m'lud but she is a 'cook') and there hasn't ever been a hint of chewed fingers, just quite a lot of ingrained dirt and unkempt nails.
 
Here's my attempt at a first verse and chorus of that well-known Billy Joel song, We Didn't Smash The Kettle. If anyone wants to carry on, feel free, because I need a shower!

Why you sob, Russell Hobb? All you had was one small job
Boiling liquids night and day, heating up the water.
One smol pixie had a trip, stuck her hand out, great big hit
Struck you on your side now you're not working as you oughta

We didn't smash the kettle
It was always toiling, permanently boiling
We didn't smash the kettle
No, we didn't break it, but you tried to fake it
 
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