Jack Monroe #207 Jack Morley

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Lads, the oats are retreating, the liquid is slowly escaping and leaving behind overlooked broken down oat, apple (don’t apples contain pectin?) sugar and gluten in what appears to be a 100% vegan gelatinous slop. About an hour ago it started to smell like porridge. I’ve broken recipe to stir it again as it’s getting craggy at points.
ETA that looks like an axolotl forming! It’s the spring of life! I’ve done alchemy!!!!
 
HotesTilaire said:
I’m still alive, and the #HotesOats are too. They have possibly become sentient, choosing to stay around the rim of the bowl without slipping over. They are also doing tiny “sigh” air bubbles. If you’ve ever encountered a scouser who is annoyed at you not offering them tea fast or frequently View attachment 773359 qenough, it’s the same noise as “spitting feathers”
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😮 I have never seen anything in a slow cooker behave like that! Definitely more invested in #Hotesoats than I am in going to work, that's for sure. Stay well back, and have an escape route planned incase it really does come to life - it looks like it's going to!
 
HotesTilaire said:
ETA that looks like an axolotl forming! It’s the spring of life! I’ve done alchemy!!!!
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Call them. It’s time.
#HotesOats

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What a sad little life, oats
It’s now the colour of tinned rice pud or semolina, caramel but not brown. I have a theory that the Apple Browns when it cools, and this mornings “solid slop in coconut milk” was stone cold.
I feel a bit guilty that the UK doesn’t have enough electricity and I’m wasting it on overcooking porridge
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I’ve turned the heat down to low. I also tasted it!!!!! Porridge, and especially the thrice boiled variety, is quite creamy tasting to me. This was no different, it tasted of oats. Then there was a juicy apple aftertaste. It doesn’t seem very “toffee apple” it’s not especially sweet or caramel- and I used golden sugar in it. The colour has deepened to a caramel though.
 
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HotesTilaire said:
Hoping this message doesn’t combine like the last one did. I’m off to bed now so I turned the slow cooker off. On removing the lid for the latest pic, the slop appears to have collapsed in on itself
Hope y’all enjoy your lil View attachment 773452 qbreakfast time grunk
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This is where you tweet it to the bootstrap cook handle and call it a triumph, my dear 😙👌
 
Hotes, I really don’t know what to say.

You totally took one for the cabal there and I think we all can agree you deserve a great big slice of
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In looking at the final outcome, it seems like what you have created seems pretty much in line with Jack’s (and it tastes oaty and appley….would you like tinned coconut milk with it? 🧐). But, the journey to that final outcome was simply a culinary car crash. Most of us would have pulled the literal and figurative plug hours earlier when things started to look….dubious.

So the question remains, why would Jack know to carry on and that the end result might look like actual s*** but could taste just about edible?

One for the grunkers…
 
HotesTilaire said:
What a sad little life, oats
It’s now the colour of tinned rice pud or semolina, caramel but not brown. I have a theory that the Apple Browns when it cools, and this mornings “solid slop in coconut milk” was stone cold.
I feel a bit guilty that the UK doesn’t have enough electricity and I’m wasting it on overcooking porridgeView attachment 773417 q

I’ve turned the heat down to low. I also tasted it!!!!! Porridge, and especially the thrice boiled variety, is quite creamy tasting to me. This was no different, it tasted of oats. Then there was a juicy apple aftertaste. It doesn’t seem very “toffee apple” it’s not especially sweet or caramel- and I used golden sugar in it. The colour has deepened to a caramel though.
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I hope you manage to get your slow cooker clean after this
 
ScamSandwich said:
Watch out for new Frauen signing up here and one with an unassuming @slopbreakfast- it will be @Lanie ' s mum.
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I dont know if she would sign up but one thing i do know is she is a wee northern irish lady who's brutally honest. ( I know, i grew up with her honesty😂) if she says something looks tit then im afraid it looks shite. She doesnt hold back.

HotesTilaire said:
Hoping this message doesn’t combine like the last one did. I’m off to bed now so I turned the slow cooker off. On removing the lid for the latest pic, the slop appears to have collapsed in on itself
Hope y’all enjoy your lil View attachment 773452 qbreakfast time grunk
Click to expand...
If you have a few rolls of wallpaper you could stick it up with that it looks like wallpaper paste and 10000 times more appetising than ,💩island
 
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HotesTilaire said:
Hoping this message doesn’t combine like the last one did. I’m off to bed now so I turned the slow cooker off. On removing the lid for the latest pic, the slop appears to have collapsed in on itself
Hope y’all enjoy your lil View attachment 773452 qbreakfast time grunk
Click to expand...
It looks awful, I'll grant you, and certainly inedible, I don't want you to think you've wasted your time here but it doesn't look like Jack's turd in milk. What on earth did she do to create that abomination?
 
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