Jack Monroe #201 Queen of Sharts

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Which Dr Who Dat am I today?
Clue- It’s not and never will be any of the double digit docs. M’kay?!

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traumatised sideboard said:
Jack in the afterlife is a terrifying prospect. Imagine sitting in a pool of sulfurous boiling lava while being skewered with red hot pokers when she shows up and starts moaning about how she was supposed to go to heaven after her life of saintly suffering but due to her ADHD she filed her spiritual paperwork late and because god is ableist she's now stuck in hell for eternity.
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Just picture hell……

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ChickenPorridge said:
🚨 LJC has had appendicitis - must've forgotten to leave the key to the phones drawer on her way to a&e 😬
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I was going to make a joke about the obvious connection between stomach pains and eating Jack's cooking, but thought it would be inappropriate in the circumstances.

traumatised sideboard said:
She's already got the perfect eccentric time traveller outfit! If only LJC hadn't lost that dearly treasured and extremely expensive scarf with immeasurable sentimental value, she'd be away. There's still the puddle scarf I suppose but it doesn't have as much grandeur.

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Does the LGBT in this case stand for "Let's Go Burn those Traaaazers?"
 
traumatised sideboard said:
She's already got the perfect eccentric time traveller outfit! If only LJC hadn't lost that dearly treasured and extremely expensive scarf with immeasurable sentimental value, she'd be away. There's still the puddle scarf I suppose but it doesn't have as much grandeur.

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My brain had a battle between 😲 or 😂 reaction.
LJC what the fresh hell is this?
 
here is Jack doing Dr Who.

man, am I tired

Dr Jack

"dun-dun da-da-da dun-dun ooo-wee-ooo etc"

[opening sequence: shark eyes set against a background of a cotswold+co sideboard spinning through time]

scene one

[sideboard is shown landed on its side in a forest clearing. this may be a different planet, who bleeping knows?]

[Yaz emerges from the wreckage]

Yaz: Doctor? Doctor, are you ok?

[Honorary Doctor Jack Monroe (DJ) appears]

DJ: Alright, Yaz, can I interest you in a bladder of leftover warm chardonnay?

Yaz: omg, you've changed. you're no Jodie

DJ: haha, no. I'm DOCTOR jack monroe, slayer of dreams, purveyor of slop, sitter of sideboards extraordinaire and you're stuck with me babe

Yaz: oh, god. well at least change out of the jumper and braces cos you need a makeover sequence

[DJ has a makeover sequence, emerges in a quintuple denim outfit, use your imagination]

Yaz: well... that's better I guess, now, what are we here for? there must be an actual storyline

DJ: well, there's probs daleks and monsters and aliens and ghosts and tit on this inexplicable planet we've landed on, but have I told you my origin story? that's the real story!

several hours later...

Yaz: oh, god, why didn't just go back to Park Hill with Ryan and Bradley Walsh?

[John Barrowman as Captain Jack Harkness (CJ) flies in out of nowhere]

DJ: hey, Captain Jack! can I interest you in a warm bladder of chardonnay?

CJ: omg yes please! now who are you? you kinda remind me of someone and I'm feeling horny woo!

DJ: well, I am DOCTOR Jack Monroe, slayer of dreams, purveyor of slop, sitter of sideboards extraordinaire and you're stuck with me babe

CJ: yeah baby! not sure I have the same sexual tension with you as I have with the last few, but I'll try!

Yaz: um, doctor, I think these frightening looking dudes on this planet we've landed on are not very pleased about us being here...


DJ (to CJ) so I was in the groucho when...

Yaz: yeah, this alien is eating me. I can't even pass comment about how confusing it would be to have to mention both a Dr Jack and a Cpt Jack. I'm being consumed by a monster. this ain't great babe

DJ: eaten alive, is it? well, it's nowhere as near as bad as that time when I had to have 2 portions of squid ink spaghetti at the groucho
 
traumatised sideboard said:
She's already got the perfect eccentric time traveller outfit! If only LJC hadn't lost that dearly treasured and extremely expensive scarf with immeasurable sentimental value, she'd be away. There's still the puddle scarf I suppose but it doesn't have as much grandeur.

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Looks like a bad Grace Petrie impression (although I really doubt Grace would wear anything like those trousers).

Somewhat relevant song:

 
Poca that Doctor Who Dat Doctor poster’s eyes follow you round the room! And the blur at the bottom right looked at first glance like an escaping fisho, leaping from the SMEG - inhabited by Daleks who lost their armour, finding the most similar, plentiful supply of metal box in Thorpe Bay.
Dr Jack and Cpt Jack would be quite something. Both on screen and off. Barrowman and Monroe?
 
traumatised sideboard said:
She's already got the perfect eccentric time traveller outfit! If only LJC hadn't lost that dearly treasured and extremely expensive scarf with immeasurable sentimental value, she'd be away. There's still the puddle scarf I suppose but it doesn't have as much grandeur.

View attachment 711775 q
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those strides remind me of the jesus army.
 
kachoochoo said:
here is Jack doing Dr Who.

man, am I tired

Dr Jack

"dun-dun da-da-da dun-dun ooo-wee-ooo etc"

[opening sequence: shark eyes set against a background of a cotswold+co sideboard spinning through time]

scene one

[sideboard is shown landed on its side in a forest clearing. this may be a different planet, who bleeping knows?]

[Yaz emerges from the wreckage]

Yaz: Doctor? Doctor, are you ok?

[Honorary Doctor Jack Monroe (DJ) appears]

DJ: Alright, Yaz, can I interest you in a bladder of leftover warm chardonnay?

Yaz: omg, you've changed. you're no Jodie

DJ: haha, no. I'm DOCTOR jack monroe, slayer of dreams, purveyor of slop, sitter of sideboards extraordinaire and you're stuck with me babe

Yaz: oh, god. well at least change out of the jumper and braces cos you need a makeover sequence

[DJ has a makeover sequence, emerges in a quintuple denim outfit, use your imagination]

Yaz: well... that's better I guess, now, what are we here for? there must be an actual storyline

DJ: well, there's probs daleks and monsters and aliens and ghosts and tit on this inexplicable planet we've landed on, but have I told you my origin story? that's the real story!

several hours later...

Yaz: oh, god, why didn't just go back to Park Hill with Ryan and Bradley Walsh?

[John Barrowman as Captain Jack Harkness (CJ) flies in out of nowhere]

DJ: hey, Captain Jack! can I interest you in a warm bladder of chardonnay?

CJ: omg yes please! now who are you? you kinda remind me of someone and I'm feeling horny woo!

DJ: well, I am DOCTOR Jack Monroe, slayer of dreams, purveyor of slop, sitter of sideboards extraordinaire and you're stuck with me babe

CJ: yeah baby! not sure I have the same sexual tension with you as I have with the last few, but I'll try!

Yaz: um, doctor, I think these frightening looking dudes on this planet we've landed on are not very pleased about us being here...


DJ (to CJ) so I was in the groucho when...

Yaz: yeah, this alien is eating me. I can't even pass comment about how confusing it would be to have to mention both a Dr Jack and a Cpt Jack. I'm being consumed by a monster. this ain't great babe

DJ: eaten alive, is it? well, it's nowhere as near as bad as that time when I had to have 2 portions of squid ink spaghetti at the groucho
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So many genuine actual lols! The image of the sideboard spinning through time just set me off.
I don’t know how to say this without sounding like a cheesy Strictly judge, but, I once heard the BBC described as the Big British Castle, and you should be their queen! 10/10!
 
Hollaaa said:
Quintuple denim is making me think of B*witched but wearing everything denim they had between them, all at once.
If I have nightmares, I'm completely blaming Jack.
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I'm imagining denim camisole with open denim shirt, with a denim waistcoat and denim jacket on top. With jeans. There's also the possibility of a denim cap added to the mix. Can you get ugly denim trainers?

Ooh, look!

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