Jack Monroe #168 Darling, bit gauche

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Pixieboots said:
My cat knows how to open door handles! He leaps at them and hangs off them by his front paws until his weight pulls them down.
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This was apparently what the cat I sat for did, but according to his humans he could only open the spare room door and one of the downstairs ones, not every door. I didn’t question it at the time - largely as I was still getting over the heart attack of thinking he was lost then finding him in a room I hadn’t opened the door to 🤣
 
Well, I certainly enjoyed a deep dive into gifs of cats opening doors (spoiler: many cats even have this inbuilt genetic skill for jumping pretty high, say to the height of the average interior door, who knew?)



Is this actually Cooper!? 🙀

Related thoughts:
  • Isn’t it a fire risk to lock doors at night?
  • Am I the only one with cats who utterly destroy carpets/flooring when they’re locked in or out of anywhere? One of mine goes demented and tries to dig her way out, ripping anything that gets in her way
 
Right, I’m off out to scamper and be maverick, AKA taking my birthday friend some daffs and chocolate. Please, for the love of slop, record every mendacious detail of the Ruby thing.

As the clock strikes 1:30 I will be thinking about the eye of Sauron, and Jack’s belligerent adenoids 🙏🏻

I’m going.... I’m not here.... that’s it.... bye.... there’s reasons.... I’m away... I’m BUSY!

Hold on. Did somebody say turnip?
 
PoorPatrol said:
She’s said before that her son is almost taller than her. Also, we’ve seen all her stupid (rented) doors, I don’t remember any mendacious locks on them. Also, what’s the point, would you not just pull a door closed at night? Cats don’t have opposable thumbs.... or is Cooper diagnosed as gifted & talented?
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Anything to do with Jack will either have issues or be amazingly brilliantly gifted and talented, or a combination of both.

ReginaPhalangee said:
She lies about the weirdest stuff. Rather than just saying “oh I didn’t know that plant is toxic to cats, thanks I’ll get rid” she has to create a web of lies involving forbidden rooms, adult-height locks whatever those are and some kind of police approved advanced anti-burglar anti cat plant protection system. Just say cool cheers and get rid of the bleeping plant you plank 🙄

I have cats AND plants but before I buy the plant I just use this thing called Google and type in “is X plant toxic to cats”. So weird but it TELLS you what is safe and what isn’t, and if the plant isn’t safe then you DON’T BUY IT. Jeeeebus it’s exhausting.
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"I didn't know" is an impossible sentence for someone who is an expert,/has "lived experience"/forensic knowledge of every single subject known to humanity.
 
Happy Birthday Canal 21sters!!! May your day be blessed with cake from those who have been in your fannies.

I turn 40 on Wednesday HOOORAHHHH!!

We have cats (many) and find that all shutting doors does is encourage carpet digging and door clawing. Perhaps her rag rug is actually an acutely clawed carpet.

Re hen names, loving yours @Suffolkmum , particularly Redbum...a few of ours could have been named that when they've arrived! We have two more rescue gloves arriving next month, bringing the elicat back up to 5. I've already earmarked Malcolm for one, and I am considering Jack for the other. Although Malcolm and Monroe go well.

Who knew there was a collective noun for gloves.
And who the duck knew I'd be searching this term on a Sunday morning to discuss my live gloves to a bunch of bullying ninnies 🥰🐔
 
ChocolateMuffin said:
Happy Birthday Canal 21sters!!! May your day be blessed with cake from those who have been in your fannies.

I turn 40 on Wednesday HOOORAHHHH!!

We have cats (many) and find that all shutting doors does is encourage carpet digging and door clawing. Perhaps her rag rug is actually an acutely clawed carpet.

Re hen names, loving yours @Suffolkmum , particularly Redbum...a few of ours could have been named that when they've arrived! We have two more rescue gloves arriving next month, bringing the elicat back up to 5. I've already earmarked Malcolm for one, and I am considering Jack for the other. Although Malcolm and Monroe go well.

Who knew there was a collective noun for gloves.
And who the duck knew I'd be searching this term on a Sunday morning to discuss my live gloves to a bunch of bullying ninnies 🥰🐔
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Birthday twins! High five!!!
 
OhHeck said:
Does Jack have a magical cat that can open doors by the handle? Why is a bolt required for cat-proofing? Is this a thing cats do? Have I grown up unaware that this is a cat thing? I am a dog person and to keep him out of rooms I do that radical thing of shutting the doors in my house (rented) which has worked a treat for the last 9 years. Nary a bolt in sight.

ETA: Snap @PoorPatrol!
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I knew someone whose dog could open doors. He stood on his back legs and scrabbled.
 
How can she be sure that all doors are closed at all times. Say she is dinosaur napping and small boy goes to get a drink and in a hurry to get back to his David Walliams he leave the door open a smidge. Enter catto.

When we lived in our family home my old dog used to escape sometimes and open the front door. ( We didn't lock it when we were in, during the day.) Small northern Irish place.
 
Lanie said:
How can she be sure that all doors are closed at all times. Say she is dinosaur napping and small boy goes to get a drink and in a hurry to get back to his David Walliams he leave the door open a smidge. Enter catto.
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If Cooper had any sense, he'd jimmy the front door Alcatraz system open and sod off to pastures new. (He'd be the hero we all need and get help for Dash's liberation too)
 
CabalofBolorneaise said:
She’s also previously said how she’s concerned people from the hellsite that is twitter will track her house down etc (which would obviously be awful if it happened) - yet she’s just advertised her maverick security system all over said hellsite.
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Honestly this, security Jack makes me despair. It’s like what a teenage girl would write in fan fiction it just bears no resemblance to reality. We’ve unfortunately had to put a lot of OTT stuff in cos of weirdos on the internet writing creepy tit but in all honesty these days the only ppl that’ll break in will want vehicle keys so we leave them downstairs cos duck having that go on upstairs. Shockingly a single bolt may not stop a groomed teenage boy with a machete stealing ur car to order but I can’t karate fight like Jack and that grazed knee so 🤷🏻‍♀️

ETA happy birthday our numerous March queens, you’ve got a lovely sunny day and hopefully an after dark chaos to look forward to ❤️
 
Zelda said:
Such pointless over-elaboration.

Why not just say “I keep the flowers out of his reach”, like any normal person who owns cats would say. No, I mean, like any normal cat owner would do.

*sigh* this has really grated my mushrooms.
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She can’t help herself. On her big lies I believe she’s totally aware, but on small stuff like this it’s like she panics and the compulsion to lie takes over. She just digs deeper and deeper because she can’t stand to be wrong.
 
heretoreaditall2019 said:
Honestly this, security Jack makes me despair. It’s like what a teenage girl would write in fan fiction it just bears no resemblance to reality. We’ve unfortunately had to put a lot of OTT stuff in cos of weirdos on the internet writing creepy tit but in all honesty these days the only ppl that’ll break in will want vehicle keys so we leave them downstairs cos duck having that go on upstairs. Shockingly a single bolt may not stop a groomed teenage boy with a machete stealing ur car to order but I can’t karate fight like Jack and that grazed knee so 🤷🏻‍♀️

ETA happy birthday our numerous March queens, you’ve got a lovely sunny day and hopefully an after dark chaos to look forward to ❤
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This is a person who, by her own admission, has been stalked since primary school by a crazy, creepy man. No mention of that in her home security plan, plus, anyone can call 111 and get a police person over to advise on home security. We know you got no friends, Jack!!!
 
heretoreaditall2019 said:
Honestly this, security Jack makes me despair. It’s like what a teenage girl would write in fan fiction it just bears no resemblance to reality. We’ve unfortunately had to put a lot of OTT stuff in cos of weirdos on the internet writing creepy tit but in all honesty these days the only ppl that’ll break in will want vehicle keys so we leave them downstairs cos duck having that go on upstairs. Shockingly a single bolt may not stop a groomed teenage boy with a machete stealing ur car to order but I can’t karate fight like Jack and that grazed knee so 🤷🏻‍♀️

ETA happy birthday our numerous March queens, you’ve got a lovely sunny day and hopefully an after dark chaos to look forward to ❤
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There was a spate of vehicle theft here a while back and leaving the keys somewhere that couldn’t be easily seen from outside but where they would be clear to anyone who had already gained entry was what the police advised for the reason you said, 99 out of 100 times that’s all they want and if they can take it and get away they won’t go anywhere else in the house or take anything else. I suppose it doesn’t sound as fun as millions of tiny bolts does in Jacks head.

ETA: the other tip they had was to leave a decoy purse/handbag/wallet in a similarly obvious place with old loyalty cards and about £20 in. As most looking for those are impulses and, ahem, not the brightest and if they think they’ve got the all the cash they’ll scarper.
 
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