Think we need a nice post from The Upshot
Wayne Rooney might have horrified his squad with team talks about his
tiny willy, but that stunned silence is preferable to the outright mockery suffered by Fulham legend Steed Malbranque back in 2006.
According to one of our favourite rumours, gaffer Chris Coleman laughed out loud at the size of Steed's tackle, causing the Frenchman to fall out with the club and hand in a transfer request.
With the season over, Steed took advantage of the summer break to undergo penis enlargement surgery and told potential new clubs he was injured.
When they found out the truth, most clubs pulled out, but Tottenham saw the funny side and signed him anyway, telling fans he was out for 10 weeks with a "groin strain".